I've Been Trucked!
by theshadowcat
Summary: Movieverse An unsuspecting Sarah Lennox 'lends' Ironhide to her even more unsuspecting cousin. Will try to have this story lead into the second movie, but I'm not making any promises. Please R&R.
1. Suggestion

**Disclaimer**: I don't own them and I'm not making any money off of this. I'm just having some fun with the characters and I will put them back in good order just as soon as I'm done tormenting them.

**Author's Note 1**: This is sort of a companion piece to my other Transformers story, InCARcerated, though you don't have to have read that one to understand what's going on with this one. This is set after the movie so if you haven't seen it, there will be some spoilers in it. Like a lot of other people, I'm assuming that Ironhide went to live with Will Lennox and his family after the movie was over. However, this will not be another 'Annabel (the baby) is a baby/toddler/kid/teenager/young adult and Ironhide is her guardian' story. Please read and review, more reviews make me write faster.

* * *

"WHAT!?" 

"Will, please keep your voice down, you'll wake the baby," Sarah quietly admonishes as she continues washing the dishes.

"Please tell me you didn't just say what I think you just said," Will nearly begs while he dries off the rinsed dishes.

"What's the problem?" she asks while she finishes rinsing off the last pan. "You'll be gone on assignment for nine months and the truck's just going to be sitting out in the garage getting dusty. At least this way the dirt will be well earned and it'll be there in case Alex needs it. It'll be back before you are."

"No!" he sternly tells her. "There is no way I'm lending your tree hugging, incense burning, tie-dye wearing, hippy cousin Ironhide."

"Ironhide?" she questions, trying to keep from laughing. "You named the truck Ironhide?"

"No, he came with that name," Will grumbles, getting a bit nervous. "You haven't told her yet that she can have him, have you?"

"No, I haven't," she replies while she rinses out the sink, trying to contain her snickers.

"Thank god," he sighs in relief.

"I thought you should make the offer tomorrow night when she comes over for dinner," she tells him as she pulls her rubber gloves off.

"WHAT!?" he nearly yells.

"Will, the baby," she reminds him sternly.

"No! Absolutely not!" he states firmly.

"I cannot believe that you aren't willing to help Alex out," she says sounding hurt and her fists come to sit on her hips. "She's been like a sister to me, she baby sits whenever I need her, she was here within an hour of finding out about the base being attacked to be here for me and letting her borrow your truck is the least we can do for her."

"Remind me again why she's doing this?" he asks with a moan, knowing that the battle is pretty much lost.

"She's writing her thesis on cabin fever and she wants first hand experience in what it's like to go through several months without human contact," she answers, her arms crossing over her chest. "She's taking a year off from school to do this."

"I'm guessing the only reason she's trying to become a psychologist is because she has some serious mental issues," he mutters as he dries off the last pan.

"I heard that," she growls.

"This is nuts," he boldly states, looking her in the eye. "Can't she borrow someone else's car?"

"Who do you know who doesn't need their truck or SUV for six months?" she questions, her pursed lips telling him how displeased she is.

"Couldn't she rent one?" he asks, nearly desperate.

"Do you have any idea how expensive that would be?" she counters.

"So how was she planning on doing this thing in the first place?" he inquires.

"She was just going to have her dad drive her up there in his van with all of her supplies, drop her off and then come back and get her in about six months," she tells him.

"What's wrong with that plan?" he questions, nearly desperate.

"What happens if something goes wrong and she needs to get out of there in a hurry?" she demands. "She won't have a car, phone or an internet connection. At least this way I know she'll be somewhat safe."

"Or more in danger," he mutters under his breath.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing," he mumbles. "Hon, this is really a bad idea."

"Why?" she inquires, an eyebrow rising above the other.

"Well for one, Alex hates trucks and SUVs," he states.

"No, she hates people who own them only as a status symbol, she has no problem with people who buy them to actually haul things around in," she responds, waving a hand towards the door that leads out to the garage where Ironhide sits peacefully next to Sarah's Honda Accord. "Since the Army gave you…um…Ironhide…then you didn't buy it for status."

"She hates me and she'll try to total him," he continues.

"She doesn't _hate_ you," she replies. "You two just don't see eye to eye on some things…well…ok…on most everything. But she's not about to try and total your truck to get at you, her insurance rates would go up. Besides, she needs it to get to and from the cabin up in the mountains, so she needs it one piece."

"The answer is still no," he says in a decisive tone as he unconsciously puffs up his chest and cross his arms over it and almost instantly regrets it. "She's not laying so much as a finger on Ironhide and that's final."

"William Brian Lennox, I cannot believe that I married such a cold and uncaring man," she huffs, her hands balling to fists by her side and a hurt look on her face.

"I am not cold and uncaring," he protests and he knows the battle is already over, but the soldier in him can't quite come to terms with losing just yet. "It's just…Ironhide needs…it's just that…I'm not supposed to…"

He stumbles for words to explain _why_ he can't lend Ironhide out without telling her _what_ exactly that benign looking truck in the garage really is and then he looks into her eyes. He instantly knows that the battle is completely over and he's lost big time.

"Oh, honey, don't cry," he begs as he takes her into his arms and she sniffles.

"I can't believe you're not willing to help Alex," she pouts as she buries her face against his neck. "She's very important to me and just lending her the truck would mean so much to me."

"Ok, ok, I'll think about it," he tells her, but when she doesn't say anything after a few moments he sighs in defeat. "Alex can borrow Ironhide, but if there's so much as a scratch on him she's going to owe me big time."

"Thank you," she whispers as her arms wrap themselves around his waist. "I'm sure Alex will take very good care of Ironhide."

He drops his face down into her hair and breaths in her wonderful scent, remembering how much he missed it all those months while he was stationed in the Middle East. He quickly pushes out of his mind any thoughts of Blackout and the attack on the base, the memories of Connelly and Fig's deaths still painful all these months later. He starts to relax and certain ideas start to creep into his brain that involves him, Sarah and their bed when the baby starts to cry and they both groan.

"I'll go check on her," she says as she slowly pulls back and looks up at him. "I love you."

She kisses him softly and then goes to check on Annabel while he gets the overwhelming urge to pound his head against a wall. With a sigh and a sense of dread, he turns towards the door that leads to the garage and stares at it for a moment. Figuring it's better to get it over sooner than later, he heads out to the garage, carefully shutting the door behind him while he turns on the light.

"Hide, you awake?" he softly calls out, knowing from past experience that the Autobot tends to take exception when startled awake.

"I am active," Ironhide grumbles. "Your yelling at your female brought me out of stasis."

"Sorry, about that," Will replies with a cringe. "She caught me by surprise with what she said."

"So I surmised," Ironhide responds as he carefully opens one of his doors so as not to ding the regular car sitting next to him. "Get in; we can talk more securely if you're of inside me."

"Yeah," Will agrees as he ducks under the open door and then climbs inside the cab.

"Now what exactly does your female wish for you to do with me?" Ironhide asks after he shuts the door.

"She wants me to lend you to her cousin," Will answers as he settles down in the nice leather seats. "And her name is Sarah, not 'my female'."

"I assume that you told Sarah that this is not acceptable," Ironhide nearly growls.

"I tried to, but she kept pushing," Will admits with a sigh. "She's thought this thing through and when she sets her mind on something, she usually gets it. She's a very determined woman."

"I am not yours to lend," Ironhide reminds him.

"I know, but how do I explain that to her?" Will asks in frustration.

"You could tell her the truth about me," Ironhide suggests.

"I can't," Will tells him. "I'm under strict orders not to tell anybody about you, not even Sarah. If I do, it'll be my head. That was the condition for letting you stay here."

"Than I shall tell her," Ironhide states.

"Then you might as well shoot me now," Will grumbles. "If Sarah doesn't kill me for not telling her right away about you, my superiors will because she found out."

"That seems to be a bit harsh a punishment, but if it maintains order in the ranks…," Ironhide observes.

"They wouldn't literally kill me, it's just a figure of speech, but they'd make my life a miserable living hell," Will amends. "Unfortunately, Sarah made me swear to make the offer to Alex. Let's just hope that her hatred of big vehicles makes her say 'no'."

"And if this 'Alex' says 'yes'?" Ironhide questions. "And who is this Alex person? Why does Sarah feel such a close attachment to her? I thought Alex was a male name."

"If Alex says yes, then you're probably going to be spending this winter up in the Sierra Nevada Mountains freezing your smokestacks off," Will replies miserably. "Alexandra, or Alex for short, is Sarah's cousin. When Sarah was growing up, her parents couldn't afford for her mom to stay home and take care of her, but they couldn't afford daycare either. So Alex's mom agreed to watch Sarah during the day. Sarah and Alex grew up together almost as if they were sisters.

"This is not acceptable," Ironhide huffs. "I chose to live here with you, not with some…cousin…your female chose to hand me over to."

"Listen, I'm not happy about it either, but with me being sent back to Qatar for nine months, it's not like I'm going to be here to stop her if she does decide to lend you out," Will retorts.

"Then make her stop this foolishness," Ironhide insists.

"How do you suggest I do that?" Will inquires.

"You are larger and stronger than she is, force her," Ironhide tells him and Will's jaw drops.

"Are you crazy?" Will demands. "Do you have any idea what she would do to me if I tried that shit on her?"

"She is smaller and weaker than you…," Ironhide starts.

"I don't know what it's like on Cybertron, but on Earth that don't mean shit, especially where women are concerned," Will interrupts.

"I do not understand," Ironhide admits after a few moments of silence.

"Back in high school I had a sadistic English teacher that decided that for part of our final we all had to memorize a poem and then recite it in front of the class," Will says suddenly, staring off into space remembering that time in his that seemed so long ago and Ironhide briefly wonders if Lennox's processors are offline. "I got stuck with Rudyard Kipling's **The Female of the Species**. Let me see if I can remember some of it."

"Never mind, I have found it on the World Wide Web," Ironhide states a few seconds later. "A most interesting poem. If this Kipling is to be believed than I have more to fear from your…Sarah than I do from you."

"Women don't fight the way men fight," Will replies. "They use what my dad calls emotional warfare. Instead of guns and bullets they use tears and words and if that doesn't work, then they fight dirty. Let me tell you, a few nights on a lumpy couch will get almost any man begging to give her what she wants."

"Yet men seem to be in control of this planet," Ironhide observes and Will give a mirthless chuckle.

_"So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer  
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her  
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands  
To some God of Abstract Justice—which no woman understands," _Will quotes bitterly. "From what I understand, that poem wasn't very popular when Kipling wrote it. Seems a lot of men took exception to it, but it's the truth, men are a conceded lot."

"So why do women allow this to continue?" Ironhide asks.

"Good question," Will sighs as he leans his head against the headrest. "Sometimes I think they do it because it amuses them. Who knows? That's just the way it is right now and I don't see it changing anytime soon."

"Optimus approved of me coming to live with you because he felt it would help me understand humans," Ironhide says thoughtfully. "However, I believe I'm more confused about your race now than when I first got here."

Will can't help but laugh and it's not until there's a tapping at the window does he pull himself together. He gives a little jump before turning and seeing Sarah staring at him with a funny look on her face. He quickly opens the door and slides out of the truck, acting like him sitting out in a truck by himself and laughing is a completely normal everyday thing.

"Why were you sitting out in the truck by yourself?" she asks.

"Oh, I was listening to the radio," he answers with what he hopes is an innocent look on his face.

"Why?" she inquires. "We have a radio in the house."

"I didn't want to disturb Annie," he replies a little too quickly and her eyes narrow.

"Right," she says in a disbelieving voice. "I got Annie back to sleep and I'm going to bed now. Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," he tells her.

"Ok, don't take to long," she says as she heads back inside.

"I won't," he assures her and then lets out a sigh of relief the instant the kitchen door closes before turning back to the truck. "I'll try and talk her out of lending you to Alex, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you."

"I do not need to breathe like you do," Ironhide points out.

"Just don't be surprised if you end up spending your first winter up in the mountains," Will warns as he follows his wife into the house.

"Primus," Ironhide grumbles. "I don't think I'll ever understand humans."

* * *

**Author's Notes 2**: You can find Kipling's **The Female of the Species** by Googling it.  



	2. Dinner

**Author's Notes**: Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. Like I said, reviews make me write faster.

* * *

The sound of the doorbell ringing brings Ironhide out of his stasis and as his equipment comes online, he quickly scans the area. He easily detects the human female waiting on the front porch, but a quick scan of the surrounding property fails to pick up any vehicles. The Lennox family lives in a rather secluded area on a hill, so it would be very difficult for someone to just walk up to the house and any type of motorized transportation should be easy enough to detect.

A bit confused, Ironhide does another search and then he finally detects what he missed before because of its location and lack of motor. There's a bicycle on the porch and a more detailed scan of the woman shows that her heart rate, body temperature and respiration are all elevated from exercising, but they are quickly returning to more normal settings. Another probe on the bike detects that there is a small computer attached to the handlebars and the Autobot is easily able to check the readings on the tiny device.

It seems the woman has ridden almost twelve miles since it was last zeroed out and the fact that the Lennox house is up an incline does not escape his notice. Though it's not a very steep climb, it is noticeable and he scans the woman's vitals again. She is in excellent health and he wonders who this woman is.

Why would this woman ride all the way up here so close to the human's dinner time and in weather that some humans would find a bit too warm for such an activity? Is the woman incapable of driving a car, hence the bicycle? Does she even have a driver's license?

Then it hits him. This must be Sarah's cousin, Alex. This must be the human's idea of a joke. It must be. Primus help him, but he hopes that it is.

It only takes him seconds to process all of this data and in that time Sarah reaches the front door. She opens the door and then quickly opens the screen door to allow the stranger in. Ironhide continues to monitor the motions the humans are making even if he cannot hear what they are saying and it is obvious that the strange woman is known to Sarah at least.

Ironhide gives an inward groan and he wonders how upset Optimus would be if he just snuck off while they were eating dinner. The sound of the kitchen door opening drags Ironhide's attention back to his immediate vicinity and he nearly sighs in relief when Lennox steps into the garage.

"Hide, you awake?" Will whispers after shutting the door.

"Yes," Ironhide quietly replies.

"Ok, Alex just got here," Will softly tells him.

"So I have observed," Ironhide sighs.

"Listen, I'll try and dissuade Alex from wanting to borrow you, but knowing Sarah she's going to be trying to talk Alex into it," Will softly tells him. "Chances are she's going to end up in here to look at you and it's not likely to be very pleasant. So please, just act like a truck and don't do anything that's going to get me hauled in front of the top brass or sleeping on the couch. If we're lucky, she'll turn the offer down."

"I will behave," Iron gruffly assures the man.

"Thanks," Will sighs in relief and then quickly goes back inside.

With all sensors cranked to the utmost, Ironhide monitors the humans inside the house, dreading what the evening will bring.

* * *

"Oh, my goodness, look how big you've gotten," Alex coos as she takes the little girl from her cousin's arms. "Have you missed me, Princess? I've missed you."

"She's missed you, too," Sarah tells the other woman as the baby cuddles up to her. "See?"

"God, I've missed that," Alex sighs happily as she holds the little girl close.

"You know you're welcome at any time," Sarah tells her while she shuts the front door.

"I know, but I've been so busy," Alex replies as they walk into the living room. "Between finals, work and then getting ready for this trip for my thesis, life has just been insane. How have you been doing?"

"Better now that Will's home," Sarah tells her while they sit down on the couch. "It's so good to know that he's safe."

"But he's supposed to ship out again isn't he?" Alex asks.

"Yes, in about a month," Sarah sadly replies.

"And I'm leaving in about a month and a half," Alex says. "Have you got someone lined up to help you out if you need some alone time or you have errands to run?"

"I'll be fine," Sarah assures her. "I have a friend in town who's willing to watch Annie on occasion."

"I still feel bad," Alex admits with a worried expression on her face.

"I'm a big girl now, Alex," Sarah says with a smile. "I can take care of myself _and_ my daughter."

"I know," Alex responds with a sigh. "Who knew the one with the maternal instincts would be the one going for the career instead of the family?"

"Life is pretty funny sometimes," Sarah agrees with a quiet chuckle.

"Yeah, sometimes it's hilarious," Alex softly mutters and Sarah doesn't need to turn around to know that Will just walked into the room.

"Alexandra," Will greets in a toneless voice.

"William," Alex returns in kind.

"Ok you two, play nice," Sarah orders as she gets to her feet. "I need to check on dinner. I'll be back in a little bit."

With that, Sarah leaves and tension fills the room like a thick fog while Alex pries Annie's chubby little fingers open to get a of her lock of hair out of the little girl's grasp. Will watches her warily, but doesn't see her do anything that he can legitimately say she's doing wrong, leaving him with no choice but to let this woman continue to hold his daughter. After about a minute of silence, Will is ready to climb the walls with the need to get his child back.

"Do you want her back?" Alex quietly asks.

"What?" he questions, stunned that the first words out of her mouth wasn't some jab at his manhood.

"Do you want Annie back?" she clarifies.

"Why do you ask that?" he nearly demands suspiciously, inching closer to them.

"Well, for one thing, you've got this look on your face like a you'd rather have rabid weasels running all around then have me hold her," she retorts and he tries not to look too guilty that she was able to read him so easily. "And I'd say you've got some serious catching up to do. I was there when she was born and I was the first one to hold her after Sarah. So, it's time you caught up with the baby holding."

"Thanks," he mumbles as she hands him his daughter and he gladly takes the child.

"I know you're never going to believe this," she says as she gets more comfortable. "But I'm glad your back.

"Excuse me?" he asks, holding Annie even closer for fear of suddenly dropping her. "Who are you and what have you done with my wife's cousin, Alex?"

She laughs at him and he looks at her funny, wondering if there's something less than legal in those incense sticks she burns.

"I don't know how and I don't know why, but for whatever reason, you make Sarah happy," she tells him. "When she thought you were dead, she fell apart and all I could do was take care of Annie for her."

"Thank you for being there for her," he says quietly, as he holds his daughter close, trying not to think of all the times that he came close to never coming home again.

"You're welcome," she softly replies and then her demeanor completely changes as her eyes narrow at him. "But if you _ever_ do that to her again, I swear I will kick your sorry ass from here to hell and back."

"I'd like to see you try," he challenges.

"Don't think I can't, jarhead," she responds with a dangerous twinkle in her eye.

"Jarheads are marines, you incense sniffing hippy," he shoots back.

"I swear, I can't leave you two alone for a moment," Sarah says in exasperation.

"Ah, no fair, we were just getting warmed up," Alex pouts, but the effect is lost because of the smile she's obviously trying to suppress.

"Next time I'm muzzling both of you," Sarah threatens, her hands firmly on her hips. "Now, if you two are through throwing barbs at each other, dinner's ready."

The women can see the muscles in Will's jaw moving as he grinds his teeth, biting back all of the rude comments he'd like to say to this woman. They make their way into the dinning room and Sarah points out where everyone is sitting. Will takes his seat at one end of the table while Alex sits at the other end and Sarah puts Annie in her highchair between her seat and Will's before sitting herself.

Grace is quickly said and then food is passed around the table with some inconsequential talk that centers mostly about Annie and her latest growth spurt and her latest achievement. After a couple of minutes the talk peters out and the adults sit silently with only the sound of cutlery clinking against the plates. Sarah gives Will a pointed look before slightly nodding her head towards her cousin and he bites back a groan.

"So, Sarah says you're going to go be a hermit up in the mountains for the winter," Will congenially states.

"Yeah, I'm doing my thesis on cabin fever and I thought first hand experience would make for a much more detailed report than something you could get out of a book," Alex replies.

"How long are you going to be gone?" he questions.

"About six months, depending on the spring thaw," she answers.

"Where are you staying?" he inquires.

"A friend of mine's parents have a cabin near Lake Almanor that's in the middle of nowhere and they're willing to let me borrow the place for the winter since they only use it in the summer," she tells him.

"So…um…how are you planning on getting up there?" he asks. "I know you don't have a car anymore."

"Dad's going to drive me and all of my supplies up there," she explains. "Then in about six months he'll come up and get me."

"How long of a drive is that?" he asks.

"It'll take us about nine to ten hours if we don't stop," she answers. "So it'll probably take at least twelve hours."

"Your planning on making your dad do all of that driving in one day?" he questions, a bit horrified that a sixty year old man might try that.

"No, I intend to do most of the driving up and then Dad will spend the night at the cabin with me before heading home the next day," she patiently explains, biting back all the scathing comments that are running through her head so as not to upset Sarah.

"That's a lot of driving for one guy," he casually replies and Alex eyes him suspiciously.

"Is there a reason for this interrogation or are you just trying to find a new way to pick a fight?" she asks, eyes narrowed and he takes a deep breath to control his anger.

"I'm just curious," he tells her and her lips purse, not believing him for a second so lets out a frustrated breath. "Ok, Sarah and I are worried about you being up in the mountains all by yourself and having no way to get out if something bad happens."

"You know, I'd believe that more if you hadn't said that both of you were worried," she retorts. "I know Sarah worries, but you wouldn't care if I did a swan dive into Mauna Loa."

"Ok, Sarah's worried about you and I want her to be happy, so…," he starts, his jaw clenching shut as he fights with the words that he knows he needs to say.

"So…?" Alex prompts and he barely contains a surprised yelp when Sarah's foot comes into high speed contact with his shin.

"So I would like you to borrow my truck," he grumbles through clenched teeth, looking like he's just swallowed something very unpleasant.

There's dead silence for at least another minute while Alex processes this new information, completely unaware that the said truck has his audio sensors cranked to maximum to hear their conversation. Alex opens and closes her mouth several times, trying to find the words, but they're failing her now. She finally turns to look at her cousin and says the first thing that pops in her head.

"What method of torture did you use?" Alex asks. "Thumb screws? Bamboo slivers under the nails? Chinese water torture?"

"I didn't torture him," Sarah tells her.

"Ah, then you went with threats," Alex states. "How many nights on the couch was he going to get? Or did you just go with the withholding of sex?"

"I didn't do any of those things," Sarah insists.

"Yeah, right," Alex replies with a snort.

"Really, Alex, we're just concerned about your safety," Sarah says.

"No, _you're_ concerned for my safety, _he_ couldn't care less," Alex responds. "You and I both know that he wouldn't offer me his truck on his own if his life depended on it."

"Ok, so I talked him into it," Sarah admits. "But I'm only worried about what might happen if you're up there with no way to get help."

"I'll be fine," Alex assures her. "I don't need the truck, but thank you for the offer."

"Alex, you'll be safer if you have the truck there with you," Sarah argues, her blue eyes pleading.

"But I don't need it and I really don't want to be in debt to a guy who hates my guts," Alex tells her.

"Please, Alex, it would make me feel so much better if you took the truck," Sarah begs.

"Sarah…," Alex starts to object again.

"Please, Alex," Sarah pleads.

"I have more than six months of supplies that I'm going to have to haul up there," Alex points out.

"The truck is big, it can do it," Sarah assures her as she quickly gets up from the table. "Come and take a look at it."

Before Alex can voice any more objections, she's being pulled to her feet and Will is rising from his seat as well. Sarah drags her cousin through the kitchen and then towards the door that leads to the garage. Will quietly follows them with Annie in his arms as they step into the dark garage. Will is in the wrong position to see her face when the lights go on, but he has the satisfaction of hearing Alex draw in a sharp breath of surprise.

"Oh…my…_GOD_!"


	3. First Impressions

**Author's Notes**: Again, thanks to all my wonderful reviewers, the next chapter is already underway. _ 'Words like this'_ are communications between the Autobots on their communication link.

* * *

"What the hell is that thing?" Alex demands, too stunned to say anything remotely diplomatic.

Ironhide observes the woman and is rather disappointed by what he sees considering what he's been able to glean from talking to Lennox and overheard conversations he expected her to be a little less…short. While she's physically fit, she's shorter than the other two adults by several inches and her brown hair and eyes don't exactly grab attention either. Not that he's any judge of human beauty, but quite frankly, the Autobot is not impressed.

"It's Will's truck," Sarah replies as she takes a few steps closer to Ironhide.

"That's not a truck!" Alex exclaims waving a hand towards the large black form in front of her, refusing to move any further into the garage. "That's a small continent on wheels."

"I know it's a bit big, but it's a good truck and it has lots of room for hauling your things," Sarah tells her while moving next to the large black mech.

"A bit big? A bit big!?" Alex sputters, her eyes as large as golf balls. "A Chevy Silverado is bit big, a Ford F-350 is bit big, a GMC Sierra is bit big. This thing is a monster with hubcaps."

"Just come over here and take a look at it," Sarah encourages as she places a gentle hand on the fender.

"I'll stay over here, thanks," Alex says, eyeing the Autobot suspiciously.

"Alex, it's just a truck, it's not going to bite you," Sarah assures Alex as she pats Ironhide.

"Sarah, if that was just a truck it wouldn't turn a three car garage into a two car garage with barely any room for the second car and normal trucks don't have smokestacks," Alex states, still not moving nor taking her eyes off of the Autobot with a nervous look on her face. "Didn't there used to be storage space in here above the cars?"

"Yeah, but Will took most of it out so the truck could fit," Sarah tells her, trying not to cringe at the thought of all the lost storage space.

"And speaking of fitting, how did he get it past the garage door?" Alex asks, pointing to the large door that leads to the outside. "The smokestacks are taller than the door.

"They fold down so it can get in and out," Sarah answers. "It's really rather ingenious."

"Ingenious?" Alex snorts in disbelief. "You're joking, right? Why in the world did you guys get this thing?"

"The Army gave it to Will for services above and beyond the call of duty," Sarah states proudly.

"Since when have the armed services start handing cars out?" Alex inquires suspiciously, turning to look back at Will. "I thought they just handed you medal, patted you on the back and then sent you back to the front lines."

"It depends on what you did," Will tells her, shifting Annie in his arms. "And I'll thank you not to call Ironhide a monster."

"Ironhide?" Alex snickers. "You named the truck…Ironhide?"

"He came with that name," he grumbles quietly and Alex just laughs outright.

"It has a gender too?" she chuckles after she's able to get herself under control. "Lennox, when I get a practice, you're going to be my second patient."

"Who's going to be your first?" Sarah asks before Will can respond.

"The nut case who designed this beast," Alex answers, pointing a finger at Ironhide when she turns around. "Either that guy is completely demented or he was on something. Either way, the guy needs help."

"This from the lady who rides her bike everywhere and hasn't owned a car in three years," Will mutters.

"It's better than driving something like that monster and polluting the air, taking up more space than should be legally allowed and wasting our natural resources," Alex retorts as she spins back around to face him. "What do you feed that thing anyways? Baby seals? The blood of sacrificed virgins?"

"If it did take virgins at least we know _you'd_ be safe," he retorts.

"So says the man who probably has more than a passing acquaintance with Rosie Palm and her five sisters," she snarls.

"At least I don't have to worry about the batteries wearing out just when things are getting good," he snaps.

"Alright you two, that's enough!" Sarah shouts at them, bringing attention back to her and the truck. "What are you two? Twelve? Jeez, you two are being a bad influence on Annie."

"Sorry," the two of them mutter, both looking a bit chagrined.

"Alex, please take the truck, it would make me feel a whole lot better if I knew that it was there just in case you needed it," Sarah pleads, moving closer to Alex.

"Sarah, I know it would make you feel better, but I just can't," Alex replies as she takes the other woman's hands into her own. "That thing is just so big I'd be afraid that I'd run down some little old lady, the troop of cub scouts helping her across the street and their den mother and I'd never know it. It's big, Sarah, but it's just too big."

"It's not that big," Sarah tries to argue.

"Sarah, I can't see over the hood of this thing," Alex points out. "I just wouldn't be comfortable driving it, but thank you for thinking of me."

"But…," Sarah starts.

"No, Sarah, but thank you all the same," Alex interrupts. "Let's go back inside and I'll help clean up."

"But…," Sarah tries again, stunned that her offer was turned down.

"Sarah, honey, she said 'no', let it go," Will gently tells her.

Alex steps away from Sarah as Will moves closer and pulls his wife into his free arm to hug her. He gives her a quick kiss on the temple and then ushers everyone back into the house. Before turning off the garage light, he looks back at the large black truck and winks at him with a hint of a smile on his lips. Ironhide briefly flashes his lights at the man and then turns his sensors back up as soon as the door is shut to continue to monitor the situation, concerned that Sarah may still be able to change her cousin's mind.

* * *

Hours later and all is quiet in the Lennox house. The garage door opener suddenly turns on; opening the large garage door to the warm night air and Ironhide quietly backs himself out of the garage. As soon as he's clear of the building, Ironhide starts to change back to his normal form and it takes only moments before the mech is standing on his own two feet.

Ironhide carefully walks around, being as careful as he can not to wake the sleeping occupants of the house. It doesn't take him long to reach the spot he's after, a place that would be hard for anyone in the house to see him, but allows him a clear view of the evening sky. Like every night since coming to live with Will and his family, Ironhide's optics search out the star that his home planet orbits around while he waits.

'_Ironhide, report,'_ Optimus Prime's voice comes over the private communications link right on time, breaking Ironhide away from any melancholy thoughts of Cybertron.

'_Situation normal, sir,'_ Ironhide responds.

'_Anything new happen since your last report?'_ Prime asks.

'_Only that Lennox's female tried to 'lend' me to her cousin,'_ Ironhide answers.

'_Explain exactly what you mean by 'lend','_ Prime demands.

'_Exactly what it sounds like,'_ Ironhide grumbles. _'She wished for her cousin to take me and have me carry her and her supplies for a six month stay up in the mountains at a place called Lake Almanor that would have included us being up there through the winter.'_

'_I want a full report now,'_ Prime orders and Ironhide complies, taking nearly fifteen minutes to complete his report. _'Are you sure that this Alex will not change her mind?'_

'_Yes, sir,'_ Ironhide assures his commander. _'As she put it, I am "a monster with hubcaps". She seemed rather nervous in my presence; I doubt that she will change her mind.'_

'_Very well,'_ Prime says. _'Inform me at once if anything changes.'_

'_Yes, sir,' _Ironhide readily agrees.

'_Optimus Prime, out,'_ Prime states and then the comlink goes silent.

Ironhide is left once again to his own thoughts and his optics turn back to the star that he used to call home.

* * *

A few weeks go by and all is normal, or as normal as a family with an Autobot living in their garage can be. The time is drawing near for when Will must return to duty and Ironhide wonders if he should stay or return to Optimus Prime and Ratchet in the warehouse where they're currently staying. But for now that decision must wait as more important things are at hand.

"You know, Hide, I still can't believe she's turning a year old," Will mutters, lost in thoughts of his sweet little girl and not really paying attention to the road they're driving down. "I just finally meet her and she's turning a year old. Sarah thinks she's going to start walking soon."

"So you've stated before," Ironhide patiently replies, not bothering to point out that the man has made these statements thirty-six times in the past forty-eight hours.

"You know what really sucks is the fact that I finally get to meet her and now I have to go away again," Will grumbles, suddenly becoming melancholy.

"But the government has good reason for sending you away again," Ironhide points out.

"I know," Will sighs, as he stares out the window while they go barreling down the road. "Getting Scoponok out from under that town is very important and I know my team is the only one who's had experience fighting the damn thing, but I still hate leaving her again."

"I did not want to leave my home, but finding the All Spark was more important than my wants or needs," Ironhide reminds him, mindful of any hazards in the road while still maintaining his end of the conversation.

"I'm sorry, Hide," Will says as they turn down the road that will take them home.

"For what?" Ironhide asks.

"Sometimes I forget everything you've lost," Will answers. "Yet here I am rambling on about leaving my little girl for a few months and you'll probably never see your home again."

"This is my home now," Ironhide tells him.

"But everyone you knew…," Will starts.

"Is either here, dead or out amongst the stars hiding," Ironhide interrupts.

"It must be hard," Will replies.

"Sometimes it is," Ironhide admits. "But I am a soldier like you and I adapt, as you have."

"It doesn't feel like I've adapted very well," Will mutters. "I hate leaving my ladies. It feels like someone's squeezing my heart every time I think about the fact that I'm leaving next week."

"But you will still do what you were ordered do and go," Ironhide points out.

"Yeah, I will," Will confirms.

"It is good that you are going," Ironhide assures him. "Scorponok needs to be destroyed and with all of the water on this planet, it is difficult for us to go to his location and remove him ourselves."

"Optimus hinted that he might be sending us some help," Will responds.

"Yes, we recently got a communication from another Autobot named Hound," Ironhide replies. "I do not know exactly when he'll reach Earth, but I believe Optimus will have him maintain orbit outside of sensor range until you have reached your destination if he gets here early."

"That's good to know," Will sighs with relief. "I lost two good men to that monster last time; I don't want to lose any more men to it."

"I understand," Ironhide responds as the memory of other Autobots that are now gone flash through is CPU.

"So, what are you planning on doing while I'm gone?" Will asks.

"I was thinking of going and staying with Ratchet and Optimus," Ironhide answers. "Your government finally admitted that they seem to have 'misplaced' Frenzy and Barricade and Starscream are still at large, though we believe Starscream has left the planet."

"How am I going to explain you not being back at the house to Sarah?" Will inquires, a bit surprised by this news.

"Easy, you'll 'lone' me to Sam while you're gone," Ironhide responds.

"Anyone run this past Bumblebee?" Will questions with a snicker, all too well remembering the protective little yellow robot.

"It will not be a true lone, just an excuse to get me out of the garage," Ironhide replies.

"I guess that will work," Will says as they crest a small rise in the road. "What's one more lie to my wife?"

"Do you think she will be upset if she ever finds out?" Ironhide asks.

"If she ever finds out I'll be sleeping on the couch for a month at the very least," Will answers as he notices a lycra clad figure making her way up the next rise. "What is it with bicyclists coming out here? Aren't the bike paths good enough?"

"That's not just any bicyclist," Ironhide tells him. "That's Alex."

"Are you sure?" Will asks.

"Yes," Ironhide answers.

"Guess we better not hit her, huh?" Will jokes as they go zooming past her.

"Interesting," Ironhide mutters.

"What's interesting?" Will inquires as they crest the next hill.

"She's crying," Ironhide replies and Will, in a rather uncharacteristic move, slams on the brakes.


	4. Accidents

Ironhide is surprised by Will's sudden use of his breaks, but the Autobot doesn't ignore the man as they smoothly come to a stop in the middle of the nearly empty road. Before Ironhide can ask why they've stopped for this woman who annoys him so, Will is out the door and jogging over to intercept Alex. Ironhide stays where Will left him as he monitors the situation, curious about the man's behavior.

"Alex!" Will calls as the woman pedals closer to him and she looks up at him, surprise quickly registering on her face.

"What are you doing out here?" she asks as she slows to a stop, a distinct clicking sound can be heard as she twists her foot out to the side to detach the shoe from the pedal before putting her foot down.

"I live out here," he replies a bit testily. "What are you doing out here?"

"Biking," she answers in the same tone of voice as he.

"While crying?" he questions.

"That's sweat," she nearly growls as she quickly wipes her cheeks.

"I've spent more time in the desert than I care to think about and I know how sweat drips and runs," he counters. "You're crying. What's wrong?"

"Who says anything's wrong?" she demands, a frown wrinkling her brow. "And I'm not crying."

"Then prove it," he responds as he steps closer and grabs the handlebars of her bike. "Take your sunglasses off."

"No," she replies stubbornly.

"Fine," he growls. "Get in the truck, I'll drive you the rest of the way."

"I can bike just fine, thank you," she snarls as she tries to push his hand off her bike and he just tightens his grip. "Now let go."

"No way," he tells her. "If I leave you out here and Sarah finds out that I did while you're upset about something, it'll be my butt in a sling. I'd rather not spend my last at week home sleeping on the couch, thanks."

"I'm fine," she insists, but he can see her starting to tremble.

"It's nearly a hundred degrees out and you're biking up a hill and you're nearly out of water," he points out. "Now unless you're trying to give yourself heatstroke, get your butt into the truck."

"No," she snaps as another tear slides down her cheek.

"Alex, I'm not going to argue with you," he tells her as he grabs her upper arm with his free hand. "Just get in the damn truck."

"Let go," she snarls as she tries to jerk her arm free.

When trying to pull her arm free doesn't work, she swings her arm around to break his hold on her and ends up upsetting her own balance. She flails her arms around as she tries to regain her balance and he tries to grab her to steady her, but instead he gets smacked in the face just as she starts to go down. Her leg hits the crossbar, jerking the bike out of his grasp and causing the front wheel to smack him in the leg as she lets out an inarticulate cry.

It's like the world slows down and all he can do is watch as she hits the asphalt. She lies there, gasping in pain for a few seconds before she starts to struggle to get up. He grabs the bike to get it out of the way and she lets out a yell of surprise and pain as he ends up dragging her several inches along the ground before stopping. He looks down and is shocked to see her shoe is still attached to the bike and her foot is still in the shoe.

"Why's your shoe stuck to the pedal?" he asks, dumbstruck.

"Because it's a clipless pedal and I didn't detach it," she snaps as she reaches over and pulls open the Velcro straps on her shoe so she can slide her foot out.

As soon as she's free, he pulls the bike out of the way and then reaches down to help her to her feet. Once she's up and before she can utter a word of protest, he bends over and flings her over his shoulder. She lets out a shriek of outrage and starts to struggle, but he just holds onto her tighter.

"PUT ME DOWN!" she screams while she continues to fight the stronger man.

"Once you're in the truck," he growls, having to use a lot more effort into holding onto her than he thought he would have to.

"My bike!" she yells in protest.

"I'll get it as soon as you're in the truck," he tells her.

He reaches for the door and it pops open on its own, though she never notices since she's still intent on her bike that's lying in the middle of the road and on getting free of him. He unceremoniously dumps her into the passenger seat and then slams the door shut. She grabs the door handle to go after him and finds that it won't open for her. She desperately looks for the door lock while she continues to struggle to get the door open but to no avail and just as she thinks that she'll try the driver's side door, it opens and Will climbs in.

"Put your seatbelt on," he orders as he puts his own on and she looks in the back of the truck and sees her bike lying there.

"You're going to scratch the paint on my bike if you don't tie it down," she points out.

"It'll probably scratch up Ironhide worse, but I don't have anything with me to keep it in place, so we'll just have to deal," he snaps as he starts the engine with a loud roar. "Are you going to put your seatbelt on or am I going to have to do that for you?"

She gives him good hard glare that promises much pain if he tries anything before sitting back and then strapping herself in. He puts the truck in gear and continues on his journey home, watching her out of the corner of his eye. She takes her helmet off, sets in her lap and then stares out the front window. He can see her jaw is clenched shut and she's convulsively sniffing and swallowing, so there's no doubt in his mind that she's been crying.

"Shouldn't your eyes be on the road?" she nearly snarls.

"Don't worry, I know this road like the back of my hand," he assures her.

"If you want to pull that macho bullshit on your own time, that's fine, but if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not be around when someone has to show you the back of your hand," she snaps and the truck suddenly starts shuddering. "This thing ok? Did you forget to feed it its daily allotment of raw meat?"

"It's fine," he growls back, glaring at the radio for some strange reason. "It just needs a good _lubricating_."

"Why are you talking to the radio?" she asks, as the shuddering stops as suddenly as it started.

Before he can respond, the radio clicks on and a woman's voice comes blasting on.

_Everybody gets high, everybody gets low/These are the days when anything goes/Everyday is a winding road_

Will quickly reaches over and smacks the dashboard and the song changes.

_On the road again/Just can't wait to get on the road again_

Will smacks the dashboard again and the song changes again.

_Country roads, take me home/To the place, I belong_

Will balls up his hand and then slams his fist onto the dashboard, finally silencing the radio.

"Is Sarah aware that your truck is possessed?" she asks.

"The wiring's a bit loose," he growls, glaring at the radio. "I'm going to have to take him to Doc Hatchet have him give him the once over. With lots of sharp pointy things being poked at him."

"Your mechanic's name is Doc Hatchet?" she question, a smile on her lips.

"Uh, yeah, it's a long story," he grumbles, shooting the radio another glare.

"I bet," she quietly snickers.

They continue the ride in silence with the house coming into view a few minutes later and as soon as they pull into the driveway, Sarah comes running out of the house with Annie in her arms. Will barely stops the truck before he jumps out and goes running towards his wife, concerned that there's something wrong with the baby.

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asks, his voice tinged with worry.

"It's Alex," she tells him, nearly sobbing. "There was an accident and Uncle John is in the hospital and Alex has disappeared. No one knows where she's gone and Aunt Ruby has been calling every few minutes to see if she's shown up here."

"Honey, it's alright," he says soothingly to try and assure the distraught woman. "Alex is fine."

"No she's not," she cries, tears stream down her cheeks. "She's missing! She could be anywhere. She could be in a ditch with a broken leg or hit by some drunk driver who didn't even stop to see if she's ok…"

"Sarah, I'm fine," Alex quietly states as she comes around the front end of Ironhide.

"Alex!" Sarah yells as she hands Annie to Will's waiting arms before running over to her cousin. "Where have you been? Everyone's been worried sick about you."

"I would have been here sooner, but I got a flat and I had to fix it," Alex tells her, not quite looking at her while Sarah grabs a hold of her upper arms.

"What happened?" Sarah asks. "All Aunt Ruby would say is that your dad is in the hospital and there had been an accident."

Alex doesn't answer, but takes a deep shuddering breath and the tears that she's been holding back will wait no more. Alex gasps for breath as the sobs tear through her and Sarah pulls the crying woman into her arms, making comforting sounds while patting her sweaty back. Will quietly retrieves the bags that he got from the errands he ran from Ironhide's cab while the women remain where they are. Several minutes later all of the humans make their way inside, leaving the confused Autobot sitting there, wondering what is going on as he turns his sensors up to try and hear what is going on in the house.

* * *

"Here, drink this," Sarah gently instructs as she hands a cup of tea to Alex. 

"Thanks," Alex sniffs, pushing the multitude of wadded up tissues out of the way so she can set the cup down.

"What happened?" Sarah softly asks and Alex takes another deep breath, but only a few tears come this time.

"Dad and I were headed for Costco to get some of the things I'll need for my trip," Alex quietly answers. "Some kid in an old pick up truck was speeding and not paying attention. He blew through a stop sign and plowed into us on the driver's side."

Alex stops to take another deep breath and then takes a sip of her tea while more tears wet her cheeks. Will sits in an out of the way corner, entertaining Annie while finding out what's going on. He is stunned and amazed that the woman he was so sure was one of the most self centered human beings on the planet is falling apart over a car accident.

"Are you ok?" Sarah questions worriedly.

"I'm a bit banged up, but I'm fine," Alex assures her.

"But your arm and leg are all scratched up," Sarah points out.

"Road rash," Alex quietly replies with a shrug and Will braces himself for the accusations to start. "I fell off my bike on the way up here."

"Your mom said your dad's going to be in the hospital for a while," Sarah states.

"He took the brunt of the hit," Alex explains, her voice quavering. "Dad hit his head against the window…and there was blood…oh god, Sarah, there was blood everywhere."

She drops her face into her hands and starts sobbing again. Sarah quickly moves closer to her and pulls Alex into her arms. She gently rocks the distraught woman as she would an upset child, making quiet comforting sounds near her ear.

"How's your dad?" Sarah whispers after Alex has calmed down a bit.

"He's got a concussion and his leg is broken in two different places," Alex softly replies, not moving from the safety of her cousin's arms. "They say he'll be alright in a few months, but he looks like hell right now. They're probably operating on him right now to fix his leg, but I couldn't stand seeing him like that. Once I knew that there was someone there for Mom, I had to get away."

"So you came here," Sarah says.

"Do you mind?" Alex asks.

"Not at all," Sarah assures her and they just sit there, one giving comfort and the other gladly taking it.

* * *

Ironhide watches Will passively as the man opens the garage door and heads towards the Autobot, though the mech's patience is about worn thin wanting to know what's going on. His sensors weren't strong enough to hear what was going on in the house so he has no idea with what's up. He's a weapon's specialist, not a scout like Bumblebee so he just doesn't have the equipment to spy on people like the small yellow robot can. 

Will pulls the bike out of the bed of the truck and then places it in the garage, the shoe still attached to the pedal. He comes back out and opens the passenger door, retrieving Alex's helmet that she left there. Once it's stored with the bike, Will climbs behind the wheel and closes the garage door with the remote.

"Well?" Ironhide asks tersely.

"I've got good news and I've got bad news," Will states as he turns the key in the ignition.

"What's the bad news?" Ironhide demands while they back out of the driveway.

"The car and driver that were going to take Alex up to the mountains are both out of commission for now," Will answers as they start to head down the road. "This means that if she doesn't find someone else with a big enough car to drive her up there…"

"Then she'll be 'borrowing' me," Ironhide grumbles. "What's the good news?"

"She's seriously considering calling the whole thing off," Will replies.

"It would certainly make my life a lot less stressful if she did or at least found someone else to take her up there," Ironhide says as they barrel down the road. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to Alex's place to pick up some things for her," Will reluctantly tells him. "Sarah's worried about her and has talked her into staying with us for a few days."

"That shouldn't be too bad," Ironhide muses and Will snorts.

"Besides the fact that we have an unexpected guest who drives me crazy, you should be worried as well," Will warns him.

"How so?" Ironhide asks.

"If Alex can't find someone else to take her dad's place, Sarah _will_ talk her into taking you," Will states and the only response that Ironhide can give is a groan.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to _Everyday is a Winding Road, On the Road Again, Country Roads _or Costco. 


	5. Reporting

**Author's Notes:** A big thank you to my reviewers. Just remember, it takes only about a minute of your time and it means the world to me. Yeah, I'm a review junkie.

* * *

'_Ironhide report'_ Prime's voice comes over the comlink, jarring Ironhide out of stasis.

'_Situation…normal,'_ Ironhide replies several seconds later, after his systems come on line and he can get a brief scan of the area.

'_Is everything alright?'_ Prime asks, concern tingeing his words.

'_As the humans would say, it's been a long day,'_ Ironhide answers tiredly.

'_Explain,'_ Prime requests.

Ironhide starts to give his report of the day's activities, including the fact that Alex is now staying in the Lennox house. Just as Ironhide is about to tell Prime about the accident that made Alex come all the way out to the house in nearly hundred degree temperatures and why she's staying there, the door from the garage to the kitchen opens up and Ironhide goes silent for a moment. Alex flips on the overhead light and shuts the door behind her before heading to the other side of Ironhide to get to her bike, barely squeezing past him and the wall in doing so.

'_Ironhide, report,'_ Prime orders, jolting Ironhide back to what he was doing before.

'_Alex just came out to the garage,'_ Ironhide tells his leader. _'Would you like to see her?'_

'_Very well,'_ Prime sighs.

A moment later a picture of a woman wearing a ratty old pair of shorts and a tank top comes over the link to him. The skin of her face, neck, a 'V' shape under the neck on the chest, arms from the middle of her upper arm to her wrists and legs from mid-thigh to just above the ankle is well tanned, but everywhere else that he can see is very pale. The two Autobots watch her as she goes over to her bike, detaches the shoe from the pedal, says a mild expletive when she sees one of her tires is flat and then opens up a small pack under the seat.

'_From your description of her, I expected someone a bit…,'_ Prime starts.

'_Taller?'_ Ironhide suggests.

'_Yes,'_ Prime confirms.

'_So did I, but what she lacks in height, she makes up for in will,'_ Ironhide tells the other and then proceeds to recount Will's encounter with her earlier out on the road.

'_What is the situation now?'_ Prime asks as they continue to watch the woman as she works on her bike.

'_Lennox says that if she cannot find someone to replace her father and his vehicle and if she doesn't change her mind about going, she's going to be 'borrowing' me,' _Ironhide grumbles.

Before Prime can comment on this, the kitchen door opens again and Will sticks his head out into the garage. He looks around, but since Alex is on the other side of Ironhide he doesn't see her. As he reaches for the light switch, Ironhide briefly flashes his lights at the man causing him to pause.

"Hello? Is someone in here?" Will softly calls out, sure that if it had been an intruder Ironhide would have taken care of him.

"Nobody here but us chickens," Alex replies without moving from her spot on the floor.

"Alex, what the hell are you doing out here?" he demands as he carefully moves around Ironhide to get a better look at her.

"Changing my flat," she answers while she wedges a strange little device between the tire and the rim.

"At one in the morning?" he demands.

"Gotta do it some time," she counters as she slides an identical device under the popped out section of tire and starts to slide it along, pulling the tire free of the rim.

"I thought you already fixed the flat you had," he says, eyeing her suspiciously while she continues to work.

"I got a second one," she replies with a shrug. "Probably picked up a thorn that slowly worked its way in."

"What are you doing up?" he asks as he continues to watch her pull the tire from the, carefully keeping the tube with it.

"I thought we covered that," she responds.

"No, I asked what you were doing out here," he replies. "Now I want to know why you're awake."

"Couldn't sleep," she tells him with another shrug as she takes the small hand held pump off of the frame of her bike and starts to pump up the tube.

"If the tire's flat, why are you pumping up the tube?" he questions, temporarily distracted.

"I'm trying to find where the puncture is," she answers while she carefully listens for the tattletale hissing of the hole.

"Ok, so why couldn't you sleep?" he inquires after she finds the hole.

"I just couldn't," she tells him a bit testily while she looks for the thing that punctured her tube, pulling it out when she does. "Uhg, a goat's head thorn. Figures. I could ask what you're doing up."

"I came down to get a drink of water and I saw the garage light was on," he replies, starting to lose patience. "Why couldn't you sleep? Not enough pillows? Was your room too hot? What?"

"I just couldn't, ok!?" she snaps, finally looking up at him with red rimmed eyes. "Now go back to bed."

"You've been crying again," he states in surprise.

"What the hell difference does it make to you if I have?" she growls as she quickly looks back down at her dismantled rear wheel. "Just go away and leave me alone."

"Listen, I'm just trying to help here," he snaps, exhaustion and worry getting the better of him and then he continues in a much softer tone. "I've never seen you like this before. I'm just worried."

"Please, just go back to bed," she quietly requests. "It's late and I'm not really in the mood for company."

Will stands there staring at her, not sure what to do. If he goes, he knows he won't be able to fall asleep and if he stays, they'll just have a huge fight. He looks worriedly at Ironhide, bereft of the older mech's council and with a sigh he lays a hand on Ironhide's hood.

"You don't have to worry about your truck," she tells him irritably. "I'm not into vandalism."

Before Will can form an appropriate response, the kitchen door opens up again and Sarah sticks her head out into the garage.

"Will, what are you doing out here?" she asks groggily.

"Trying to talk to your stubborn cousin," he growls.

"Alex is out here?" she questions, her tired brain still not fully online.

"That or your husband has taken to arguing with the truck," Alex sarcastically replies from her spot on the floor.

"Alex, what are you doing out here at this hour?" Sarah inquires as she shuffles over to Will.

"I'm fixing my flat tire," Alex irritably answers.

"Why are you fixing your flat at this hour?" Sarah asks, still half asleep.

"Because the bike fairy didn't do it," Alex retorts and Sarah gets a hurt look on her face. "I'm sorry, Sarah. It's been a rough day for me and I'd really just want to be left alone."

"Can't this wait until morning?" Sarah inquires.

"It is morning," Alex points out.

"Alex…," Sarah starts.

"Here's a novel idea," Alex interrupts. "Why don't you two go to bed and get some more sleep and I'll stay here and fix my flat in peace and quiet?"

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Sarah questions, still looking confused.

"She says she can't sleep," Will offers.

"Why not?" Sarah asks.

"Because I can't," Alex growls. "Could I please be left alone?"

"If that's what you want," Sarah hesitantly says.

"Yes, please," Alex sighs wearily.

"Ok," Sarah quietly agrees.

Sarah turns to her husband and quietly ushers him out of the garage without another word. As soon as the door shuts, Alex takes a deep, shuddering breath and then lets it out as tears start to flow once more. She drops her face into her dirty hands while she silently cries and when familiar arms pull her into an embrace, she doesn't resist.

"What's wrong?" Sarah softly asks after the tears run dry.

"Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is the blood," Alex whispers as she leans on her cousin for support. "Dad's head hit the window so hard he bounced off of it and the blood just flew everywhere. It was on the window, on the dashboard…"

Alex takes another shaky breath as more tears come.

"And it was on me," Alex sobs, breaking down once more. "It should have been me driving. I should be the one in that hospital bed, not him."

Her body shudders once more as she breaks down to great gasping sobs and Sarah just rocks her and strokes Alex's hair while making comforting sounds. Neither one of the women are aware that they're being watched by a couple of alien robots who are completely fascinated by this behavior. Though, admittedly, one is curious while the other one is watching in fascinated horror like one would watch a train wreck.

'_Primus, I hope she decides not to go on this trip,'_ Ironhide grumbles.

'_If she does and she requests your services, you will go,'_ Prime tells him.

'_WHAT!?'_ Ironhide nearly shrieks, barely managing not to transform right there in the garage in front of the women.

'_The reason I let you go and stay with Captain Lennox and his family is for you to better understand humans,'_ Prime reminds his weapon's expert. _'It has become apparent to me that you are quite content there because Lennox is a soldier like yourself and your interaction with his female is minimal. It is time you learned about other humans that we're sharing this planet with and going with this Alex will be a perfect opportunity for you to get to know the species better.'_

'_But she's just one human,'_ Ironhide points out.

'_True, but she is a human you are not at ease with,'_ Prime replies. _'As Mikaela would say, it's time to step out of your comfort zone.'_

'_What the slag is a comfort zone!?'_ Ironhide demands heatedly.

'_Ironhide!'_ Prime commands, immediately quieting the other Autobot_. 'You will go with this woman and you will learn to deal with difficult humans as well as the ones you are comfortable around. Is that understood?'_

'_But…but…,'_ Ironhide sputters.

'_I said, is that understood!?'_ Prime repeats forcefully.

'_Yes, sir,'_ Ironhide growls.

'_Good,'_ Prime states. _'If anything changes, inform me at once. Optimus Prime out.'_

Ironhide chokes down a groan and turns his attention back to the two women sitting beside him. He doesn't really pay attention to what they're quietly saying to each other and quite frankly he doesn't care. He just wants them to leave and go back to bed so that he may safely leave the garage. Primus, but he hopes they hurry up because he really needs to get out of there and blow something up. Repeatedly. And with great force.

* * *

Alex finally staggers downstairs around lunch time with dark circles under her eyes and her hair badly mussed from frequent tossing and turning. She stumbles into the kitchen and plops down into a chair at the kitchen table with all of the grace of a wet sandbag. Then with a groan, she folds her arms onto the table and drops her head onto her arms.

"Hey, look who rose from the dead to join us," Will teases as he comes in from the garage.

"Bite me, William," comes a muffled growl from the table.

"Alright you two, that's enough," Sarah admonishes as she continues to work on making lunch. "How did you sleep, Alex?"

"Better after the bath and the sleeping pill you gave me," Alex replies groggily, turning her head enough to actually look at the other woman. "But I had the weirdest dream."

"Oh?" Sarah queries.

"Yeah, I dreamt that I heard your garage door open, so I got up out of bed and saw your truck drive itself out of the garage and then it turned into a giant robot," Alex answers, struggling to remember the details. "Then it walked off and started blowing things up. At least that's I what I thought it did. I remember hearing 'BOOM' a lot and bright flashes of light. It was so vivid I could almost swear that it was real."

"Really? How interesting," Will says in a slightly strained voice.

"Will, are you alright?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah," he assures his wife. "Just trying not to laugh."

"I said it was a dream," Alex growls, raising her head up enough to glare at him.

"Alright you two, that's enough," Sarah sighs. "Will, would you please go get Annie from her playpen? It's almost time for lunch."

Will goes to do as Sarah asks, wondering if he can survive the next couple of days without killing his wife's cousin or banging his head against a wall.

* * *

Hours later Will finally finds an opportunity to slip out into the garage unseen by any of the women in the house and he gives a small sigh of relief when no one comes looking for him after a few moments. Then his turns his gaze on the large black truck before him and he frowns. Without saying a word, he climbs into the vehicle and closes the door behind him as quietly as he can.

"You awake?" Will asks.

"Yes," Ironhide replies, noting the tension in the man's voice. "Is something wrong?"

"Alex saw you leave and go do target practice last night," Will tells the mech. "Luckily she was groggy from the sleeping pill that she took she thought it was just a really vivid dream. You're going to have to be more careful, especially if Sarah gets her way."

"Why would that be?" Ironhide asks.

"She's right now trying to talk Alex into taking you," Will warns him. "Sarah's a determined woman. I was trying to suggest that maybe Alex should be allowed to make the decision on her own and I was told to go find something else to do."

"Have you no control over her?" Ironhide questions, nearly desperate.

"Not in matters like this," Will answers. "A marriage isn't about who's in charge. It's a partnership that hopefully lasts for life. We each bring in our own strengths and weaknesses, caring and supporting each other when we need it. If I was in her position, I'd probably feel the same way she does. I hate to say this, but unless Optimus Prime calls you back, you stand a very good chance of spending the winter up in the mountains."

"Optimus won't be calling me back," Ironhide quietly admits after several seconds of silence. "I was reporting to him last night when Alex came out to the garage. We watched until Sarah returned to comfort Alex. He wants me to go with her should she ask to 'borrow' me. He told me I needed to 'step outside my comfort zone'."

"Oh, dude," Lennox moans in sympathy after letting the news sink in. "You're so hosed."


	6. Week's end

**Author's Notes:** You like me! You really like me!! Thank you so much to my wonderful reviewers, you make my day.

* * *

The following week is rather hectic to put it mildly; to be melodramatic would be to say it is insane, but truthfully it's somewhere between those two. Amid the preparations for Annie's first birthday party and Will getting ready to ship out, Alex also moves out of her apartment and back to her parent's place a few miles down the road from Will and Sarah. Since Alex no longer has access to her father's van which the insurance company claimed was totaled in the crash, Will gets drafted into helping her haul her stuff from her apartment to her parent's house.

"Can I ask you something?" Will inquires as they pack the last of her stuff into the back of Ironhide.

"You just did," Alex points out and he just glares at her causing her to snicker for a moment. "What is it?"

"Why do you hate me?" he asks as he pushes the tailgate back in place.

"Who says I hate you?" she counters.

"Oh, I don't know," he huffs. "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we can't seem to have a conversation without it turning into an argument. For Sarah's sake, I'm willing to bury the hatchet if I could figure out why you would rather see me hanging by my short hairs than look at me."

"Do you remember the first time you ever saw Sarah?" she asks and he looks at her with a slight frown.

"It was at some beach party," he remembers and he gets a far away look on his face and smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. "She was wearing a hot pink bikini that had all the guys panting. More than one guy went diving into the surf to hide the bulge in their trunks."

"Do you remember what you told your friends you wanted to do with her if you ever got her into your bed?" she hisses, glaring at him.

"God, that was years ago," he complains and then thinks about it for a minute. "I remember I said a lot of things I don't care to repeat. Why?"

"I went with Sarah to that party and I went off to get us some drinks," she snarls, her eyes narrowed. "Want to guess where I was standing when you first laid eyes on her?"

"I remember you accidentally spilling your coke down my back right after I saw her," he huffs and then realization dawns on his face. "That wasn't an accident, was it?"

"Ya think?" she growls. "I was standing right behind you when you made those lovely little suggestions about her. It was one of those moments in life when the memory sears itself into your mind and no matter how hard you try to forget it, you can't."

"You probably thought I was a bit of a pig," he quietly admits.

"I wouldn't have been surprised if you had a little curly tail sticking out of the back of your swim trunks and you started rolling in the mud at that point," she snaps.

"Ok, in my defense, I was drunk and I was with my friends and when guys are with their friends and drunk, they tend say and do really stupid things," he tells her but her expression doesn't change. "And for what it's worth, I'm really sorry I said those things. I love Sarah and I would go to the ends of the world for her. Please don't make me start spouting how much I love her, because that would be pretty damn embarrassing and if I'm going to say things like that, I want her around to hear them."

She continues to stare at him with narrowed eyes, her arms crossed over her chest as she watches him sweat. Whether it's from helping her haul her stuff to the truck, the heat or nerves, she's not sure, but she's having a bit of fun watching him suffer and she tries not to smirk too much. After a while he returns her glare and crosses his own arms over his chest and she just chuckles at him.

"For the sake of Sarah and her sanity, I'm willing to ignore what I heard that day," she finally says but then she leans towards him and pokes him in the chest with a finger. "But if I hear so much as a word of you being a sexist pig toward her again, I'll make you wish you'd never been born."

With that she spins on her heel, stalks back towards the cab of the truck and gets in, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Scarily enough, I believe her," Will quietly mutters.

"Me too," Ironhide mumbles and Will has to smile.

* * *

"No! Absolutely not!" John firmly states, glaring at his daughter from his hospital bed.

"But, Dad…," Alex starts to protest.

"I haven't been paying your tuition for all this time for you to throw it all away over my stupid busted leg," he growls.

"But how are you going to take care of yourself and Mom?" she counters.

"You're Aunt Ruby has volunteered to help out and she intends to draft a few more people in as well," he tells her.

"But…," she tries again.

"No more 'buts', young lady," he gruffly replies, pinning her with a piercing stare that only parents seem to have. "You're going to ask Will to use his truck, you're going to spend the winter up in those mountains and you're going to write the best damn paper that school has ever seen. I don't want to hear another word about it. Is that understood?"

"Yes," she grumbles.

"Good," he says with a nod and then frowns at his room door. "Now where is that blasted nurse with my release papers? I have a birthday party to go to."

As if on cue, the nurse arrives with an orderly pushing a wheelchair and Alex stands to the side as she watches them carefully move her father into the wheelchair. A few minutes later they're exiting the hospital and she helps her father to get into the passenger seat of the rental car. After making sure he's comfortable and his crutches are safely stored in the back seat along with his medications, she slides behind the wheel and they head for Sarah and Will's house. They arrive at the Lennox home only about half an hour late for the party, not that it really matters since Aunt Ruby pulls up right behind them and it is an unwritten rule of the family that no party ever really begins until Aunt Ruby arrives.

"Hello, my darlings," Aunt Ruby calls as she descends on them while Alex helps her father out of the car.

"Hi, Aunt Ruby," Alex greets, giving the older woman a hug and a kiss after handing her dad his crutches.

"Hi, Ruby," John says, giving his sister a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, good, you guys finally made it," Sarah calls as she comes around the side of the house. "Everyone's in the backyard."

"I'll be there in a bit, Sarah," John tells her. "I need to use the little boy's room."

"Go on in," Sarah tells him. "The front door's unlocked."

He heads for the front door with Alex slowly following behind him.

"I think I can manage to use the toilet on my own, Alex," he huffs. "It's my leg that's broken, not my arms."

"I know," she calmly replies. "I want to show you something when you're done."

Several minutes later, he emerges from the restroom, grumbling about crutches and uncooperative limbs and finds her patiently waiting for him at the end of the hall.

"Ok, what is it you wanted to show me?" he asks, trying to ignore the pain in his head and leg.

She doesn't say anything, but quietly leads him through the house and into the kitchen. Once there, she opens the door to the garage and waits until he's standing in the doorway before flipping on the lights.

"Dear lord," he gasps. "Is that's Will's truck?"

"Yup," she answers as she leans against the wall, hands in the pockets of her skirt.

"It's huge," he says, his eyes about the size of saucers.

"Yup," she repeats.

"It has smokestacks," he states.

"Yup," she says again and silence follows for nearly a minute.

"Thank heaven you'll be driving it up to the mountains," he suddenly declares. "I feel much better about you going up there now."

"Wait…what!?" she nearly yells in surprise. "Dad, I think your meds are affecting your eyesight."

"My eyesight is just fine, Alex," he tells her. "But if some punk kid who's driving his big brother's car with out permission and with only a driver's permit in his wallet hits you, it won't be you in the hospital with the busted up body and totaled car. Yes, I feel much better indeed."

With that, he hobbles off to the party while she stands there with her jaw hanging around her belly button and her eyes about to fall out of her head as she stares at her father's retreating back. After about a minute she snaps her mouth shut and then turns and glares at the truck for a moment.

"Why couldn't you have been a wimpy little thing?" she grumbles at the truck. "Then he would have been too scared to let me get behind the wheel."

She slaps the light off and stomps back into the house, solidly shutting the door behind her. She never hears the low chuckle fill the garage, quickly followed by a groan when Ironhide realizes, like it or not, he's going to the mountains for the winter.

* * *

"Oh, Alex, you don't have to do the dishes," Sarah says as she walks into the kitchen, bringing in nearly empty bowls from the winding down party.

"It's the least I can do," Alex replies. "I'm trying how best to ask a favor of Will and I can think better without a lot of people talking to me about my trip."

"Well, that explains why you two have been getting along all day," Sarah muses while she pulls out containers for the leftovers.

"Actually, we came to an understanding when he helped me move," Alex tells her as she rinses off a serving bowl.

"That's even better," Sarah sighs with relief while she transfers the food into the waiting containers. "So, I'm guessing this favor is about borrowing something big and black."

"Unfortunately," Alex grumbles as a serving platter gets washed.

"I am so glad to hear that," Sarah states with a big grin on her face. "I feel so much better knowing you have some back up should something go wrong."

"That makes one of us," Alex mutters and then notices a few moments later she's alone in the kitchen again.

With a shrug, she goes back to washing the dishes and figuring out how to grovel while keeping some of her dignity. Her imagination goes crazy thinking of all of the rude things Will could say to her to torment her and she has to firmly remind herself that they are both adults and they've moved beyond that. She's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't hear anybody come in until a hand lands on her shoulder and she lets out a startled yelp. The nozzle she's using to rinse off a bowl ends up being swung wildly and Will suddenly finds himself with water dripping down his front.

"Oh, Will, I'm sorry," she gasps, a hand coming up to cover her mouth to try and hide the smile that's trying to escape while she tries to choke down the snickers that want out.

"Sarah said you wanted to see me," he says in a perfectly controlled voice as he reaches over and grabs a towel off of the oven door handle to try off his face.

"Oh, uh, yeah, um, right," she stammers and quickly clears her throat, fighting to ask this with some dignity. "Will, may I please borrow your truck for my trip to the mountains?"

"You're not just going to leave him out in the snow and rain are you?" he asks.

"No, they have a shed that fits their Hummer with plenty of room to spare," she assures him. "The truck should fit just fine."

"You'll take good care of him?" he questions.

"As if it were my own," she tells him.

"Your last car got totaled," he points out.

"Because I parked it on the street while I went to talk to one of my teachers instead of parking in the garage and it got hit by a drunk driver along with about a half dozen other cars," she patiently tells him.

"What were you doing at school at night?" he inquires. "I thought you said you didn't feel safe to be there at night."

"The accident happened at three in the afternoon," she replies, reminding herself that her paper depends on his good graces. "Drunk drivers don't always wait until closing time before getting behind the wheel of a car. I'm just glad no one was hurt."

"Ironhide is a manual transmission, can you drive a stick?" he asks.

"My last card was a stick," she answers. "Any particular reason you're coming up with these arguments now instead of when you first offered me the truck?"

"I've had time to think," he grumbles.

"I thought we buried the hatchet," she reminds him and he lets out a big sigh of defeat.

"You will take good care of him?" he questions, trying not to show his worry for his large metallic friend.

"I will take care of it as if it were my very own," she assures him. "I'll even wash it before you get back

"Ok, you can borrow him, but there are some special instructions for his maintenance," he tells her. "Can you come back tomorrow so I can go over them with you?"

"Ok and thank you," she agrees, very curious about these special instructions. "I'll call before I come over."

"Ok, that sounds good," he says with a nod and then turns to go just as Sarah steps into the room.

"So, is everything worked out?" Sarah asks, anxiously looking between the two of them.

"Yeah, she's borrowing Ironhide," he sighs.

"Thank you, honey," she whispers as she slips her arms around his waist and looks lovingly up at him. "I'm very proud of you."

"I can never tell you no," he admits as he wraps his arms around her and gives her a quick kiss.

"Can I ask you something?" she asks.

"You just did," he points out and she gives him a look that promises him a night on the couch if he doesn't behave. "What do you want to know?"

"Why are you wet?"


	7. Proper Care & Feeding of a Truck

**Author's Notes:** I'm feeling the love and thank you to all my lovely reviewers. You're the best. _Words like this_ are thoughts, _'words like this'_ are communications between the Autobots.

* * *

"Wow, pretty," Alex gasps after Will opens the large crate in Ironhide's bed, revealing the rainbow colored cubes. "What is it?"

"Energon," he tells her and she looks at him with a confused look on her face.

"Enerwhat?" she asks.

"Energon," he repeats patiently, knowing that she's going to think he's nuts and quite frankly, he can't really blame her.

"Never heard of if," she says as she continues to look at the glowing cubes as the bright colors slowly swirl and shift.

"It's very new," he replies.

"Ok, but what does it do?" she inquires.

"It's a type of fuel," he answers.

"So, I use this instead of regular gas?" she questions.

"No, you use this as well as regular gas," he responds and then takes a deep breath before continuing. "Now he only needs one a day unless you've been driving him a lot or the weather is really cold and then you'll need to give him at least two."

She stares at him in stunned silence, not even blinking.

"You're joking, right?" she finally asks about a minute later.

"No, I'm not," he tells her truthfully just as Sarah comes out to the garage to get something from the pantry.

"Hey, guys, how's it going?" Sarah cheerfully asks.

"Sarah, I think you should know that you're married to a crazy man," Alex tells her.

"I know," Sarah sighs dramatically. "But he's got a cute, tight ass and he's really good in bed."

Sarah grins at the shocked look on her cousin's face and Will turns about seven different shades of red while Ironhide contemplates going AWOL.

"You know, there are certain things I would be much happier _never_ knowing," Alex states to Sarah with pursed lips and narrowed eyes, "and that's _two_ of them."

_Primus, I concur!_ Ironhide desperately thinks, remembering once when he got way too much of a good look at the man's posterior and the mating habits with his female when they got a little too amorous in the garage shortly after Will's return and ended up going at each other thankfully on the hood of _her_ car.

"Have fun!" Sarah cheerfully calls with a wave as she heads back into the house.

"Now I understand why she married you," Alex grumbles.

"You mean besides the fact that I have a cute, tight ass and I'm good in bed?" he teases, still blushing and Ironhide wishes he could be anywhere else right now, even in the middle of a nest of Decepticons with his cannons offline.

"You're both completely, certifiably, insane," she states flatly before turning back to the crate of Energon cubes.

_What was I processing when I decided to come live here?_ Ironhide moans to himself.

"Now please explain to me why I'm giving this beast this Enerwhatsit," she sighs.

"It's called Energon," he explains as he picks one of the cubes up. "Ironhide is a very special truck and he has several unique systems that need Energon to work at optimum levels."

"So, even though it's going to be sitting in a shed for six months I need to feed it?" she asks in disbelief.

"Well, yeah," he admits while he heads for the back of the truck and hops out of the bed. "The compartment you put these in over here."

She watches him over the side of the truck as he walks towards the cab, but stops just shy of that part of the truck. He then pushes against a panel she hadn't even noticed was there before and a small door pops open that's only slightly bigger than the cube in his hand.

"All you have to do is stick the cube in and shut the door," he explains, showing her how to put it in without fully shoving the cube into the compartment, much to Ironhide's disappointment. "Once you shut the door, he'll do the rest."

"What about the casing on these things?" she asks as she picks one of the cubes up, examining it carefully. "What is this stuff made of anyways?"

"It's a new kind of polymer," he tells her and he's not completely lying since it _is_ new to humans. "And don't worry about the casing; he'll spit it out when he's done. Make sure you save them since they can be used again. Now, make sure that when you give him one of these things you don't drive him for a couple of hours. If you do drive him, he won't respond as well as he should. Should I write this down for you?"

"A couple of years ago a friend asked me to take care of her geriatric cat for her while she went on vacation for a few days," she muses as she continues to turn the glowing item over in her hands. "Even with all of the pills and special treats the cat got, it came with fewer care instructions then this truck."

Before he can make a comeback, Sarah sticks her head into the garage.

"Will, Robert Epps is on the phone," Sarah says.

"Ok," he replies and then hands his Energon cube up to Alex before shutting the little door much to Ironhide's displeasure. "I don't care if you think I'm nuts or not, if you're going to borrow Ironhide you will take care of him properly. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," she replies, trying not to smirk.

He glares at her for a moment and then heads into the house to take the call. She neatly places one of the cubes back into the crate, sits on the edge of the truck bed and then goes back to examining the one left in her hands. Each side is about twelve inches square, there are no seams and when she tries to scratch the side with a fingernail, it doesn't leave a mark.

"Weird," she mutters and then she hears a little 'click' just below where she's sitting.

She looks over the side of the truck and she sees the little door to the Energon compartment is open again.

"Curiouser and curiouser," she mutters as she leans over the side a bit. "I'm beginning to understand how Alice felt," she looks back at the cube still in her hand, "as this isn't really making much sense all."

_Do you need an invitation or something, female?_ Ironhide furiously fumes to himself as she turns back around. _Put the Energon in already! Hurry it up! I'm hungry!_

She continues to inspect the cube, turning it over in her hands a few times and then turns to look back down at the open compartment.

_That's it,_ Ironhide silently urges. _Come feed the nice Autobot who's going to haul your scrawny aft to some Pit forsaken part of this planet._

She turns back around again and it's all Ironhide can do not to transform and grab the cube from her. He's wondering how much damage he would do to her if just suddenly tilted, causing her to fall out of his bed when she stands up and heads to the open tailgate. With the cube still in her hand, she carefully hops down to the ground and comes over to the little open door.

_Yes, yes,_ he quietly cheers her on. _Come on! Come put the cube in the little hole!_

Instead of sticking the cube in the compartment like he wants, she leans over and examines the small space.

_No!_ he screams to himself. _Don't look in it! Put the slagging cube in it!_

"What are you doing?" Will asks, a bit of a sharp edge to his voice and Ironhide nearly groans out loud.

_Great,_ Ironhide grumbles. _Captain Hardaft came back. Now I won't get my Energon until tonight._

"I'm trying to figure this thing out," she tells him as she points to the empty compartment. "It's just a little box. There are no tubes or anything in there. How in the world does this thing use this stuff? And what exactly is it?"

"Look, I'm no scientist, so I don't know exactly what it is," he tells her while he closes the Energon compartment. "All I know that there's special equipment in Ironhide that needs the Energon to work and if you're going to borrow him, you're going to have to do it too."

"So, when do you normally feed this thing?" she asks.

"I usually give him his cube just before I go to bed," he answers as he takes the cube from her. "Oh, and never store the Energon where you have him parked."

"Ok, that just begs a big old 'why?'" she responds.

"Weird things happen when the Energon is stored in the same area as Ironhide," he tells her while he climbs up into the bed and puts the cube away. "Just trust me on this one, ok?"

"Fine," she sighs. "Have you taken this thing to the mechanic about the radio yet?"

"Oh, um, no," he replies as he closes the case with the cubes in it. "Why?"

"Because you might want to have Doc Hatchet look at that little door too," she tells him as she leans against the Honda. "It popped open on its own."

"Did it now?" he inquires, his voice sounding a bit strained.

"You ok?" she asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replies with a sigh.

"So, what else do I need to know for the proper care and feeding of this beast?" she questions.

"Let's see, I've told you about the Energon cubes," he mutters and then falls silent for a second. "Don't park him outside, especially if it's really cold out. He doesn't do well when he's really cold."

"I already told you that they've got a parking shed," she reminds him. "Should I get it its own electric blanket and teddy bear and read to it at night too? Maybe a little night light so it doesn't get scared of the dark."

_That's it,_ Ironhide snarls to himself. _I'm going to shoot her. To the Pit about not hurting humans. This one's more annoying than the boy's parents. Combined!_

"Actually the electric blanket might not be a bad idea," he muses.

"I was being facetious," she growls.

"I wasn't," he tells her as he hops out of the back of the truck and closes the tailgate. "But I guess an electric blanket wouldn't be very practical since they don't make them in his size. You'd have to use a lot of them and that'd be a fire hazard."

She gives him another open mouthed, unblinking stare.

"Taking up catching flies?" he teases and her stare becomes a glare as her mouth snaps shut while he scoots past her. "Listen, I've got to go pick up a friend at the airport. If I've forgotten anything I'll write it down along with all of the other instructions I've given you."

Before she can reply, he gets into Ironhide's cab and starts up the engine with a roar. She quickly gets out of the way so her toes don't end up getting run over and she watches as the smoke stacks fold down just before the truck backs out of the garage. A few moments later, they pull into the street, the smokestacks straighten up and then Will puts it in first and drives off. Sarah comes out a few moments later and finds Alex staring off after them.

"So, did you learn everything you need to know about Ironhide?" Sarah asks.

"I definitely learned something very important," Alex mutters.

"What's that?" Sarah inquires.

"I need to seriously think about changing my major."

* * *

The keys weigh heavily in her hand as she stands there staring at the biggest, blackest truck that any testosterone driven man would probably have an orgasm just looking at and all she can think about is how terrified she is of it. She can almost swear that the truck is looking back at her and a small shiver runs up her spine. She gives herself a small shake and reminds herself that it's just a truck as she gathers up her courage to actually touch the thing.

"You actually planning on getting in the truck before you leave or are you just going to stand here and stare at it?" Sarah teases.

"I'm hoping it'll shrink down to a more reasonable size," Alex answers, her gaze never wavering from the behemoth.

"It hasn't gotten any smaller since it got here, so I doubt that it's going to start shrinking now," Sarah tells her as she shifts Annie to her other hip. "You've got everything that you need, right? The Energon and everything?"

"Yeah, Will dropped of a couple of crates worth of Energon and I've got the directions he wrote up for me in my purse," Alex replies. "I'm still terrified of this thing."

"You'll be fine," Sarah assures her with a gentle pat on the other woman's shoulder. "Once you get used to driving it, you won't even notice how big it is."

"That's like telling me I won't notice one of my arms missing," Alex grumbles and then takes a deep, calming breath. "Might as well get this over with."

With that, she climbs into the cab and settles into the driver's seat, trying not to think about how big this truck really is. She spends the next several minutes adjusting the rear view mirror, her seat and the steering wheel several times before she finally has to admit to herself that she's just stalling. She takes another deep, calming breath, sticks the key into the ignition, prays the thing behaves itself and then turns the engine over with a roar.

She spends a few more seconds trying not to have a heart attack before working on adjusting the side mirrors. Once she's sure she has everything the way she needs it to be, she pushes the button to lower the smokestacks, never knowing that the button isn't wired to anything and they only lower because Ironhide does it. As soon as she sure she can't put it off any longer, she looks out the window and waves to her cousin who gives her a thumbs up sign.

Taking yet another calming breath, she puts the truck into reverse and carefully backs out of the garage. Inch by slow agonizing inch she backs up until she's finally out in the street and then she stops. It takes every ounce of self control for Ironhide not to seize control from her, but he promised Will before he left last week that he'd behave.

He scans the woman's vitals and he notes that her heart rate is severely elevated, she's perspiring profusely and she's giving off a strong pheromone indicating that she's scared. It amuses him for a few moments that she's so frightened of him and then he realizes that it's not _him_ that she's frightened of, but the truck form he's taken to hide in. He contemplates this as she shifts into first and they start their journey down the road and he quietly raises his smokestacks back up even though she never presses the fake button. Of course the way she's gripping his steering wheel, he's surprised that she lets go long enough to shift gears.

He loves driving almost as much as he loves blasting Decepticons to the Pit. The wind blowing past his grill, the hot road speeding by underneath his wheels and the smell of baking asphalt are all things that make his spark pulse faster and make him feel more alive. However, at the rate this woman is driving, they'll get to their destination sometime shy of never.

He barely reins in his frustration and anger and lets her continue driving him despite how much he wants to go faster. He starts thinking about the many different ways he's going to blast Starscream into the Pit as a way to pass the time and to keep his mind off of her incredibly slow and careful driving. He silently thanks Primus when they finally arrive and gives a silent sigh of relief as she gets out of his cab.

At least he does until he sees the people emerging from the two story farm house he's parked in front of.


	8. Adjusting

The man on crutches Ironhide recognizes as Alex's father, but he doesn't know the two women who come out with him. The shorter woman has frost white hair, her lips are painted bright red and she's bustling about the other two, being especially attentive to the other woman. The other woman isn't much taller than the first, but it's very obvious she's Alex's mother since she looks like an older version of the young woman he's been lent to. He watches her curiously, noting that she's wearing dark glasses and is very carefully making her way down the porch steps. As soon as she's clear of the steps, she takes the other woman's arm and lets her lead her towards the Autobot.

"Who parked the building in our driveway?" Alex's mom asks with a chuckle.

"Very funny, Mom," Alex grumbles just as the front door screen slams open and a young man who appears to be in his mid teens comes charging out of the house.

"Whoa, dude, now that's a truck," the young man states in awe. "Can I drive it?"

"They'll be snow skiing on the sun first," Alex snarls at the young man.

"Aw, come on, sis," he begs. "I just want to go for a little test drive."

"No, Thomas," John sternly tells the boy. "Even if you had your driver's permit, you wouldn't get to drive the truck."

"Why not?" he pouts.

"Because it's not hers to lend out," John states and then continues towards Ironhide. "Besides, she needs this truck in one piece to get her up to the mountains."

"Oh, come on," Tommy gripes. "You're still not holding that thing with the van against me are you? That was like a year ago."

"It was only six months ago and you better believe we are, mister," Alex's mother replies sternly, turning to look back at the house, but not quite looking at her son.

"That's not fair," Tommy whines as he stomps down the steps.

"Life seldom is, son," John replies while he continues to hobble his way along.

Ironhide continues to watch as Alex's family moves closer and he feels more nervous with this small band of meat bags coming towards him than he did before his first battle. Eventually they reach him and Alex's mother lays a hand on his fender. She lets go of the other woman and begins to gently explore Ironhide with her hands.

_'Ironhide to Ratchet,'_ Ironhide calls to the medic nearly desperate.

_'Ratchet here,'_ Ratchet responds almost immediately. _'Is something wrong, Ironhide?'_

_'I'm with the woman who's…borrowing…me and her mother his touching me,'_ Ironhide tells the other mech.

_'So?'_ Ratchet scoffs_. 'Humans are very tactile creatures. They like to touch things. It helps them better understand their world.'_

_'None of the others are touching me,'_ Ironhide grumbles. _'Hey! Whoa! Stop that!' _

_'Stop what?'_ Ratchet asks irritably.

_'She's got her hand in my Energon chamber,'_ Ironhide complains. _'There's something wrong with her. Why is she touching me like this?' _

_'What do you expect me to do about it?'_ Ratchet gruffly inquires. _'I can't do anything from here.' _

_'I just want to know why she's touching me,'_ Ironhide huffs. _'Can't you just take a look and take a guess?' _

_'Very well,'_ Ratchet concedes with a long suffering sigh. _'Show her to me.'_

Ironhide gladly sends Ratchet a visual of the woman who's now running her hands over his tailgate, carefully examining the symbol that proudly exclaims to all who know what the symbol is that he's an Autobot.

_'Since I have virtually nothing to go on, I'm going to take a wild guess and say she's blind,'_ Ratchet tells the other mech. _'When a human loses one of his or her senses, they have to rely more heavily on the others to compensate for the loss. With people who are blind, touch is very important to them. In a way, they "see" with their hands.' _

_'She can't be blind,'_ Ironhide responds. _'She saw me when she came out of the house. She wanted to know who had parked a building in their driveway.' _

_'It could be she's not completely blind, but only partially blind,'_ Ratchet explains. _'Some humans are considered legally blind even though they can see light and dark shapes, but they're not able to see the details of what they're looking at.' _

_'Why is she blind?'_ Ironhide asks.

_'Now that, I really can't answer,'_ Ratchet replies. _'It could be that she was born that way or something happened as she got older or it could be a degenerative problem. Without examining her myself, I just can't tell you.' _

_'Oh,'_ Ironhide mumbles as he watches this woman as she continues her exploration of him with her hands.

_'Is there anything else?'_ Ratchet asks irritably. _'I'm rather busy right now.' _

_'Oh, sorry,'_ Ironhide replies distractedly, confused by the fact that he's starting to enjoy the woman's delicate touch. _'Thanks for the help.' _

_'You're welcome,'_ Ratchet grumbles and cuts the link.

"Alex, what's this?" Alex's mom asks as she rubs her fingertips over the Autobot symbol on his tailgate again.

"What's what?" Alex questions as she comes over to stand behind Ironhide.

"This," Mom says as she points.

"I don't know," Alex replies. "I always thought it was a manufacturer's thing. Sort of like the head of a ram on Dodge trucks."

"Tommy, you're the car fanatic in the house, have you ever seen this symbol before?" Mom inquires of her son as he comes to stand next to her.

"I've never seen it before," Tommy responds with a look of confusion on his face. "I wonder what it means."

"The truck's custom made," Alex states with a shrug. "It's probably the personal symbol who ever designed it."

"You said that the military gave this truck to Will," Tommy muses. "What if…"

"NO!" Alex snaps, pointing an angry finger at him. "You just keep your conspiracy theories to yourself until after I'm gone."

"But…," he starts.

"No 'buts'," she interrupts. "Just keep it to yourself for one week. That's all I'm asking. After that, knock yourself out."

Before anything more can be said, Alex turns on her heel and marches back into the house, slamming the screen shut behind her.

"Jeez, what bug crawled up her…," Tommy begins to grumble.

"Say it and you'll be grounded until your old enough to draw social security," John warns the young man.

"You're sister's under a lot of stress right now, Tommy," Mom soothingly tells her son. "Just try and stay out of her way until she leaves next week. Can you please do that?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Tommy sulks. "Think she'll at least let me ride in the truck with her?"

"If you ask very nicely and don't bring up any of your conspiracy theories, then maybe," Mom tells him. "Could someone please help me back into the house?"

"I'm right here, Vivian," the frost haired woman gently says as she gently touches Vivian's arm.

"Thanks, Ruby," Vivian responds as she places her hand on Ruby's arm.

Ironhide watches the rest of Alex's family as they slowly make their way back into the house and then he lets out an audible sigh. What has he gotten himself into? All he wanted to do was to try and figure these humans for a bit. It was just supposed to be a little bit of research but now he finds himself facing his first winter in the snow. He remembers what Bumblebee said it felt like when the Sector Seven men were freezing him to immobilize the scout.

It's not the cold or pain that has the weapon's specialist worried, but the inability to move has him more worried than anything else. What if something happens and he can't help because he's too cold to move? Sam described how Megatron looked when he was frozen and that's an experience he'd rather not have, thank you very much.

The sound of the front screen softly creaking open pulls Ironhide out of his musings and he turns his attention back to the front of the house. Tommy is sneaking out of the house with something small in his hand and a quick scan shows it to be nothing more than a small digital camera. Ironhide watches the boy as he comes up behind the truck and takes a quick picture of the tailgate before disappearing back into the house. Ironhide sighs again, wondering if he'll ever figure humans out.

* * *

Hours later she's lying in her bed trying to get to sleep, knowing she's forgotten something, but can't remember what. With an irritated sigh, she rolls over and gets more comfortable, figuring that whatever it is it can't be that important. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, relaxing as she does. She finally starts to drift off when a small tendril of a thought creeps into her mind and her eyes fly open. 

"Ah crap," she hisses as she tosses back the covers and goes charging out of her room.

* * *

_'Ironhide, report,'_ Prime's voice comes over the comlink, jarring the mech from his inner grumblings. 

_'Situation miserable,'_ Ironhide complains.

_'Explain,'_ Prime orders.

_'Alex came and got me just after mid-day,'_ Ironhide tells his leader miserably. _'Her mother ran her hands all over me, leaving fingerprints everywhere, she won't park me in the garage because I'm too big, she hasn't fed me my Energon and she's already gone to bed.' _

There's silence over the link for some time and Ironhide begins to think that the link was broken somehow.

_'This…whining…isn't worthy of you, Ironhide,'_ Prime finally comments. _'You are a soldier, not a youngling.' _

_'You're right,'_ Ironhide concedes humbly. _'I'm sorry. It's just that I'm not looking forward to this trip and spending a winter up in the snow. If she forgets to feed me the Energon I need, I won't be able to maintain my systems and I'll be no better off than Megatron was when the humans had him. It doesn't help that she's already forgotten and she has verbally stated that she doesn't like me.' _

_'It's not you that she dislikes, Ironhide, but the form you've taken,'_ Prime reminds him. _'Give her time, she just doesn't understand.' _

_'Yes, sir,'_ Ironhide replies quietly. _'But she still hasn't fed me and I'm hungry.' _

_'And we all know how irritable you get when you haven't eaten,'_ Prime chuckles.

Before Ironhide can reply, he picks up the sound of footsteps quickly approaching from the side of the house. He turns all of his attention on the unknown person coming closer to him, ready to move into action if the person has come to seek to harm him or the family inside the house. A few moments later Alex comes trotting around the corner barefoot and only wearing a nightshirt with an Energon cube in her hands.

_'Ironhide?'_ Prime calls, a bit worried about the sudden silence.

_'She's come to feed me,'_ Ironhide says in a bit of shock. _'It looks like she got out of bed to bring me my Energon.' _

_'Very good,' _Prime chuckles. _'Report if anything changes.' _

_'Yes, sir,' _Ironhide replies distractedly as she comes around from the far side of him and he pops the door to his Energon compartment open for her.

_'Optimus Prime out,'_ Prime says and breaks the connection.

Alex notices that the little door is already open for her, though it doesn't really register that should be closed and she tries to shove the cube in, but because it's not lined up right it doesn't go in. With a puff of frustration, she repositions it and slides it into place, closing the door after it. With a tired sigh, she leans against Ironhide's side as she waits for him to spit out the empty casing.

"Mmm, you're warm," she mutters as she presses more of her body against him.

Ironhide barely notices as the Energon starts to flood his systems and he nearly sighs in relief. His systems start running more efficiently and he's able to push his sensor readings to their utmost to make sure there is no danger nearby. Once he's sure that everything is secure, he turns his attention to the woman pressed to his side and he'd like nothing more than to move away from her, but he can't. Once the last of the Energon is absorbed, he spits out the empty casing and to his relief she pushes away from him. She picks up the empty case, closes the little door and heads back the way she came.

"'Night, beast," she yawns as she pats his side.

He stares after her in surprise, not quite knowing what to make of her as she slips around the corner and out of sight once more. Some time later, after he's sure that all of the occupants of the house are asleep, he transforms into his normal shape and then stands there staring at the house for a few moments. After doing another quick scan of the house, he determines which room Alex is in and looks in her window.

The window and curtains are both open to allow for any little bit of breeze and he can easily see her. She's sound asleep and curled up in a ball with a stuffed…thing…in her arms. A quick search of the internet helps him determine what the thing in her arms is and he has to shake his head as he carefully walks away. Why would a woman who exhibits more fierceness than some warriors he's known need to sleep with a…teddy bear?

* * *

The following week is spent running errands, getting last minute supplies for the trip and making sure that Alex has everything she needs. Ironhide wasn't really sure of the wisdom of letting her borrow him week early, but as she gets more comfortable driving him, she starts driving closer to speeds he likes. Though he doubts that she'll ever go at the speeds he prefer, but at least they're no going the crawling speed that she first had him going at. 

Watching Tommy harangue and harass his sister until she drives him to school is slightly amusing and seeing all the kids stop and stare at him sooths his damage ego a bit. He quickly learns that one doesn't get in Aunt Ruby's way when she's on a mission and he gets a good idea where Alex gets some of her personality from. When Alex's ex-boyfriend shows up and starts harassing her, it takes a great deal of effort on his part not to transform and scare the jerk right out of his pants. Fortunately, Aunt Ruby is on the job and the annoying male hightails it out of there when the woman steps out onto the porch with a shotgun in her hands.

The day before they're to leave, Alex goes through and double checks her supplies and then starts to load up Ironhide. There's a feeling of dread about leaving and heading into the mountains for the winter and as much as he hates to admit it, he's feeling a little bit of excitement, if for no other reason then the long drive will allow him to see more of the world that has become his home. As much as he'd like to get some more target practice in the old abandoned quarry that's nearby, he knows he won't be able to transform with all of her stuff strapped to his bed which puts him back in the grouchy mood.

Hot and sticky with sweat and covered in dirt and dust, she comes out of the old barn where she had been storing her things with the last load in her arms. Once she has it securely in place, she throws a tarp over everything to keep the elements out and then hops down, closing the tailgate behind her. He figures she's about to leave and goes back to watching a line of ants going about their business in the dirt in front of him, hoping that she won't forget to feed him since he's now parked behind the barn.

After a few minutes, he realizes that no only has she not left and in fact she's currently hauling more things out of the barn and setting them up next to him. He silently watches as she sets up a dozen chairs in a fairly large circle with a small table in the center and another chair set next to that one. When she has everything arranged to her liking, she closes the barn doors, leaving the Autobot to wonder what is with the chairs and table. It's not until much later, after the sun has set and the full moon has started to rise, does he find out what they're for.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** You can see a picture of the Autobot emblem on Ironhide's tailgate here: http://s96(DOT)photobucket(DOT)com/albums/l184/TheShadowCat/?actionview¤tAutobotIronhide;(DOT)jpg I'm pretty sure people know how to fix that so it works.  



	9. Surprises

**Author's Notes 1**: This is just a quick reminder that this story contains spoilers to the movie. Sorry this chapter took so long, but the last chapter had the fewest reviews so far. :( Just a quick reminder, the more reviews, the faster my muse writes.

* * *

"Ratchet?" a quiet voice calls through the cavernous room that serves as Ratchet's temporary medical bay.

"What?" the medic irritably replies before his processors identify the speaker and he quickly looks up from his work to see the shocked face of Mikaela. "Oh, Mikaela, I am sorry. I was just a bit…distracted. What can I help you with?"

"If you're busy I can come back later," she suggests, getting ready to go.

"No, no, it is perfectly alright," he assures her as he stands to his full height. "Is everything alright? Should you and Sam not be studying? Bumblebee said you two have a history test coming up."

"Uh, yeah, we do," she replies nervously. "But Sam's busy right now…"

"If you were looking for help on it, I'm afraid I am not going to be of any use to you," he points out as he pulls a large sheet over the project he was working on. "Human history is more along Bumblebee's programming."

"That's not why I'm here," she says apprehensively, taking a few tentative steps into the room.

"Then what is it?" he asks as turns and looks down at her.

"I was wondering if…," she starts hesitantly while he carefully steps closer to her.

"If?" he encourages, kneeling down to be closer to her level.

"If you could use some help," she practically whispers and he has to strain his audio receptors to hear her.

"With what?" he questions, wondering why she's so nervous.

"With…Jazz," she finally admits several moments later.

"I do not see how…," he starts

"I used to help my dad fix cars all the time, so I'm pretty good with my hands," she interrupts quickly.

"Cars and Autobots are not the same thing," he points out a bit stiffly.

"I know, that's why I want you to teach me," she replies, swiftly continuing before he can turn her down flat. "Listen, my hands are a lot smaller than yours and I can reach into places that you can't. I already know that at least one Autobot has responded to Optimus's message and hopefully there will be more to follow. But if there are more Autobots, then there's got to be more Decepticons and it stands to reason that they'd come here looking for trouble or wanting revenge or something and that means that there's going to be more Autobots hurt and I thought that if you taught me to be like an assistant, then you wouldn't have to take care of everybody on your own. I'd really like to help. Please."

He processes what she's said for several moments before he can start to form a response while a subroutine tries to figure out how she said all that without taking a breath.

"Back at Mission City you said that my help was invaluable when I helped you fix Bee's legs since I could get my hands into spots that you couldn't," she reminds him. "Did you mean that or were you lying to me?"

"No, I meant it," he assures her. "But reattaching legs on a living Autobot is much different then what I'm doing with Jazz."

"Actually, I think that's why you need me," she counters.

"Oh?" he inquires with a tilt of his head.

"Cars don't repair themselves and they don't have things squirming around when you go to fix them," she points out. "When we were working on Bumblebee, it was almost like we were working with a bunch of live snakes that moved around on their own. It kind of freaked me out, but you seemed to be glad that they were moving around, like they were helping you."

"They were," he tells her. "An Autobot's system will try to fix itself as best it can and sometimes all I need to do is to guide it along."

"But Jazz's systems aren't doing that, are they?" she asks.

"No, they are not," he confirms sadly.

"See, that's why I can help," she continues, pressing her point. "I'm used to working with machines that aren't moving around on their own and you're not. I'm sure if you show me what needs to be done, I can help you do it."

"What about your schoolwork?" he asks. "I will not let you helping me interfere with you studies."

"I'd help out only after I finished my homework, I promise," she quickly assures him.

"Do you not already have a job?" he questions.

"I did, but the store closed," she tells him. "Please, it would mean a lot to me if I could help."

"Why?" he inquires. "Should you not be spending your time finishing high school and getting ready for college? Bumblebee says that is what Sam has been doing."

"Well, you see, that's the thing," she says miserably. "College requires money and that's something my family doesn't has a lot of."

"Can you not put yourself through college by working?" he questions.

"I figured out how much I can make and how much going to the community college would cost and I'd barely make enough to cover the cost of books," she tells him. "I figured that after high school I'd work and save up money to finally go to college, but it's going to take a couple of years. In the mean time, I could help you out."

She can hear him expel air through his vents as if he's sighing and she watches him nervously.

"I will have to check with Optimus Prime first," he tells her as he rises to his full height.

A moment later she can feel the ground vibrate as the Autobot leader heads towards them and it takes only a few seconds for the large mech to enter the area and he looks down at her, his face unreadable.

"Are you sure this is something you want?" Optimus asks her.

"Yes," she assures him, not the least bit surprised that he already knows what's going on.

"Ratchet?" Optimus prompts.

"I could use the help," Ratchet admits. "Some of the smaller cables have fallen into Jazz's chassis and I cannot get them out. A smaller set of hands that can see down there would be very helpful."

"So, that means I can help?" she asks a bit excitedly.

"You may, but I want you to wear protective gear this time," Optimus tells her. "You were damaged when you helped with Bumblebee's legs last time."

"It was just a few chemical burns," she tries to argue.

"Optimus is right," Ratchet interrupts her. "Some of the fluids that run our systems are damaging to your skin. I have ordered the necessary protective gear from the World Wide Web. They should arrive at your home by tomorrow. After they arrive and after you have completed your homework, return here and we will get started on Jazz."

"Ok, see you guys tomorrow," she says as she turns to go.

She hides her disappoint of not being able to start right away, but she's glad she'll have the opportunity to help. She hopes that between schoolwork and helping that the hurt won't be so bad when Sam gets accepted to some big college far away. She firmly pushes those thoughts away as she gets on her scooter and slowly putts away from the old warehouse that the Autobots are currently using as a base.

* * *

Ironhide is still trying to figure out what the table and chairs all mean when he hears voices approaching. A quick scan shows that Alex is returning with another woman by her side and they're both carrying boxes. Another scan of the boxes show that they don't have anything very interesting in them and while he can understand the multitude of candles in the containers since it's getting dark, he has no clue to why they would need a knife, a stick, a couple of bowls, salt, a small bottle of water, the flowers and the small cones of compressed organic material really baffles him.

"Oh my heavens," the strange woman gasps as they come around the corner of the barn. "I know you said it was huge, but I had no idea."

"What did I say?" Alex chuckles as she puts her box on one of the chairs. "It's a small continent on wheels."

"You didn't tell me it had smokestacks," the lady replies, still staring at the mech in surprise.

"Those have to be seen to be believed," Alex snorts. "So, how do you want this set up? Should I move the truck back to the driveway?"

"No, it should stay," the lady replies as she puts down her own container and comes around the front of Ironhide. "It needs to be part of the ritual, but I think you should move it from where you have it parked. It's too close to the barn. It should be where we can get around it."

_Ritual?_ Ironhide thinks wildly. _We? Who's this 'we' and why do you need to get around me? Primus, help me._

"Ok, but where should I park it?" Alex asks. "If we put it in the middle of the circle, nobody's going to be able to see or hear anything."

"Park it over there," the lady instructs, pointing off a little ways. "We'll set up the chairs so it's part of the circle and then we can move around it freely. Oh, and we should think of a name for it. A truck like this needs a name."

"Ironhide," Alex promptly states.

"Thinking about that long, have we?" the lady teases.

"That's the name that came with it," Alex tells her with a shrug as she fishes the keys out of the pocket of her skirt.

"You're serious," the lady states, a bit shocked.

"Unfortunately," Alex grumbles. "Will insisted that was its name and he also kept insisting that it's a 'he'."

_That's because I am, you…,_ Ironhide silently seethes. _Primus, what did I do to deserve this Pit spawned female?_

"Yes, _he_ would be about right wouldn't it?" the lady responds thoughtfully. "There's no way that you'd call this a _she_ car. A Porsche or a Miata, those are definitely female type cars, but a truck like this is all male. Ironhide is a good strong name. I like it."

With that the woman gently pats his hood, and then goes and retrieves the box she had set down before heading for the table in the middle of the circle of chairs. Alex hauls herself up into the cab and goes to start the truck only to have it not even so much as click.

"Oh, no, come on," Alex pleads as she turns the key in the ignition again. "Please be a good truck. I promise I'll wash you when we get back."

Nothing.

"And I'll wax you."

Still nothing.

"I'll give you two things of the Energizer stuff if you'll just start for me," she begs and when she turns the key again the engine comes to life with a roar. "Ok, if I can bribe you with food, you must be male."

Before Ironhide can stall himself, she puts him in gear and moves him to where the woman had indicated earlier. As soon as she's got him in position, she cuts the engine and is out of the cab in a blink of an eye. She doesn't give him a backwards glance and she doesn't bring him the promised Energon which puts the black mech into an even darker mood.

Warily, he watches the two women rearrange the chairs and the table and then the woman starts to place items from the boxes onto the table, arranging things just so. He still has no idea what they're up to other than there's going to be some type of ritual and he's going to be involved in it somehow. The only thing that he does learn is that the woman's name is Willow, she's a bit heavier set than Alex, taller and she's definitely older by several years.

As Alex and Willow are moving the table closer to him, more people arrive and he nearly jumps off of his wheels since he was so intent on the two women that these new comers were able to sneak up on him. A quick scan of the area shows that more are on their way and he starts trying to figure out a way out of the situation without revealing what he really is. Within moments his processor starts to fritz and he nearly groans in frustration because he can't figure a way out. He's always been more of a 'shoot first and sort the bodies out later' type of mech and being sneaky isn't his thing, that's more Bumblebee's area of expertise.

He watches nervously as more people arrive and he's sure Ratchet would find the mixture of men and women fascinating, but he's more interested in just getting out with his aft intact. He scans each newcomer for weapons of any kind and the closest thing he finds besides the knife on the table is a metal cane that one of the women needs to help her walk. Alex quickly disappears inside of the barn and a moment later an outside light illuminates the scene.

_Don't forget the Energon,_ he silently orders and nearly falls off of his struts when she comes back out with a glowing cube in her hand.

The other humans go over to examine the strange item in her hands, noting the pretty colors, the unusual glow and the strange energy they can feel when they touch it that makes their hands tingle and the hairs on their arms stand up. After making sure that no one else has heard of Energon, Alex heads for Ironhide and he obligingly opens the little door for her. She slides the Energon cube in, shuts the door and then leans against Ironhide's side while she talks to the others, relaxing into the heat that he's radiating.

It doesn't take long before Ironhide pops out the empty cube and she picks it up, reaching out to shut the little door at the same time. When the door doesn't shut, she turns to look back at it in confusion, bewilderment written on her face and Ironhide chuckles to himself. She tries to shut it again, using a bit more force, but the thing refuses to budge and Ironhide quietly chuckles to himself.

_You promised me two, female, and by Primus, I shall have them both,_ Ironhide states smugly, a bit mellower as the High Grade makes its way through his systems, but no less determined.

"Is everything alright?" one of the males asks when he notices her having problems.

"The little door won't shut," she tells him as she gives it another push to no avail.

"Here, let me take a look at it," he offers and he bends closer to look at the door.

For the next several minutes a few of the people try to discern what is wrong and why the little door won't shut. Some suggest that the maybe Alex needs to just turn the car on or maybe that there's a switch that needs to be flipped or a button pressed. Alex just shakes her head and then looks down at the empty cube in her hand, a frown creasing her forehead.

Without a word, she returns to the barn and comes out a few moments later carrying a second glowing cube. She slowly makes her way back towards Ironhide and he's too relaxed to notice the strange look on her face.

"Is everything ok, Alex?" Willow asks.

"Every time I've fed this thing, the door has always shut afterwards without any problem," Alex answers, still holding onto the cube, much to the mech's displeasure. "Earlier when I went to move the truck, it wouldn't start. I promised to give it two cubes of this stuff instead of the one I'm supposed to feed it if it would behave and then it started right up. Now the door won't shut and I'm wondering if it somehow knew what I was saying."

"It's just a truck," Willow assures her.

"Sometimes I wonder," Alex mutters as she moves closer to Ironhide.

She slides the second cube in and no sooner is it in then the door snaps shut barely missing her fingers, causing the woman to jump back in surprise. She tries to open the door back up, but it refuses to budge until a few minutes later when the empty cube is spat back out. When she tries to shut the door this time, it closes without a problem and she's officially freaked.

It takes several minutes for the others to calm her down and assure her that there's probably a very logical reason for what's happen. Ironhide quietly laughs to himself as the second dose of Energon is making him feel very good about life at this moment. He watches as the other humans lead Alex over to a chair and have her sit down. Willow gives her a small paper cup of something and after a few moments, Alex starts to relax.

After she's settled down, the others start to take their seats and Willow stands in the middle of the circle. Ironhide isn't too concerned about them since they don't seem to be all that threatening and unless they get underneath him to get to the sensitive wiring under there; they don't have anything with them that will cause more than superficial damage. He remains coherent enough to know that Ratchet and Bumblebee might find what they're doing interesting, so he starts to record the proceedings while he enjoys the feeling of Energon running through him.

* * *

**Author's Notes 2:** a) In the movie we find out that Mikaela's dad is in jail, so chances are that there isn't a lot of money in her family. Now at one point she went chasing after Sam on a little motorized blue scooter, so I'm going to assume that in order for her to pay for it that she had a job. b) For those of you familiar with the cartoon, you know that when an Autobot consumes enough Energon that they can get drunk. For fair warning, Ironhide is going to seem OOC in the next chapter, but I will explain why later on. 


	10. The Morning After

**Author's Notes 1:** (_Passes around the cheese platter)_ Sorry about the whine fest in my last chapter. It had just been one of _those_ mornings…At any rate, I have to say that the readers on this board are much more generous with the reviews then other boards I've posted my stories on, so to my lovely reviewers, I give my heartfelt thanks. Now, on with the fun.

* * *

'_Ironhide report,'_ Optimus Prime's voice commands through the communication link some time later, jolting Ironhide from his quiet musings.

'_Situation…satisfactory',_ a very mellow Ironhide responds a few moments later.

'_Ironhide, what is the matter with you?'_ Optimus demands worriedly. _'What is going on?'_

'_I'mm fine,'_ Ironhide assures him. _'She fed me earlier than usual. Guess she didn wanna forget with all of her friends here.'_

'_Where are Alex and her friends now?'_ Optimus questions.

'_They're sittin' around next ta me,'_ Ironhide replies, sounding not the least bit concerned about this.

'_What are they doing?'_ Optimus asks, having a sinking suspicion he knows why his weapons expert is acting oddly and he sends a private communication to Ratchet.

'_Mmmostly they're just sittin' around,'_ Ironhide tells him. _'Willow's been doing most of the talkin'. She talks an awful lot, but she's got a nice voice. Oh, and they've sung a couple times. Something about circles inside of circles and then something about earth, air, fire and water. Wasn't really paying attention. Hope they're not practicin' for any thing 'cause they're slaggin' awful.'_

'_Ratchet here,'_ Ratchet suddenly states.

'_Hey, Hatchet,'_ Ironhide happily greets. _'What's up?'_

'_What is with you?'_ Ratchet asks, confused by Ironhide's strange behavior.

'_Alex fed him early,'_ Optimus tells the CMO.

'_How many cubes did she give you?'_ Ratchet demands.

'_Two and I feel gooood,'_ Ironhide nearly purrs.

'_How far apart did she give them to you?'_ Ratchet questions worriedly.

'_Few mminutes,'_ Ironhide tells him contentedly.

'_Why in the Pit did she give you two that close together?'_ Ratchet nearly yells. _'She was told to give you only one unless it is cold out or she has driven you a lot and she is supposed to wait at least an hour between cubes!'_

'_I wouldn't start and she promised me two if I started,'_ Ironhide chuckles smugly.

'_**Have your logic processors gone offline**__?'_ Ratchet demands loudly. _'That's the most potent form of High Grade I could make. If the twins were here and they knew I had been making Energon this potent, they would fritz.'_

'_Whoa, Hatchet, is good,'_ Ironhide tries to assure Ratchet. _'We don't leave 'til tomorrow.'_

'_Oh, what I would not give to be there when she goes to start you in the morning,' _Ratchet growls.

'_I'll be fiiiine,'_ Ironhide states, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of the Energon in his systems and no longer paying attention to the humans.

'_As the human's say, you will be eating those words,'_ Ratchet snarls. _'Now if you will excuse me, I need to go step up my production of Energon since she has used up one more cube than she should have.'_

'_Wonder what crawled up his tailpipe and died,'_ Ironhide snickers as soon as Ratchet disconnects.

'_Ironhide…,'_ Optimus starts warningly.

'_HEY! Whoa!'_ Ironhide suddenly interrupts in a panicky voice. _'No touching!'_

'_Ironhide, report!'_ Optimus demands. _'What is going on?'_

'_**They're touching me!'**_ Ironhide yells, quickly sending Optimus a visual of what's going on.

Thirteen men and women, including Alex, have surrounded the weapons specialist and are simply laying their hands on him while singing. If Optimus wasn't worried about how Ironhide might react in his current condition, the sight would be rather amusing.

'_Get off!'_ Ironhide snarls and even though all he has is the comlink to go by, Optimus knows things are about to get ugly.

'_IRONHIDE!'_ Optimus shouts before the mech can do anything foolish. _'STAND DOWN!'_

'_But…,'_ Ironhide tries to object.

'_I said "__**STAND DOWN**__"!'_ Optimus repeats loudly. _'Is that understood!?'_

'_But…,'_ Ironhide starts again weakly.

'_Do not reveal yourself unless the situation warrants it,'_ Optimus snarls. _'Them touching you is not a good enough reason to frighten all of those humans.'_

'_They're leaving fingerprints all over me,'_ Ironhide mutters.

'_And I will let Ratchet leave something much more permanent on your aft if you so much as show one cannon to them,' _Optimus warns angrily. _'Is that understood?'_

'_Yes, sir,'_ Ironhide grumbles, the effects of Energon not nearly as nice as before.

Optimus keeps the comlink open to make sure Ironhide obeys while sending a warning to Bumblebee to be ready to do damage control if the black mech decides to misbehave. Once he receives confirmation from the scout, Optimus turns his attention back to the group of humans that have his weapons specialist surrounded. After a couple of minutes, one of the women that's standing at Ironhide's tailgate asks some Lady to protect Ironhide so that he can bring Alex back to them safe and sound and then she leans over and kisses the Autobot emblem. The others follow suit and also bestow a kiss to that sacred symbol with Alex hesitantly being the last to do so before they return to their seats.

'_They…they…,'_ Ironhide stammers.

'_Did nothing that would warrant revealing what you really are,'_ Optimus finishes for him. _'I suggest you get some rest. You have a long day ahead of you and the amount of Energon you have consumed will make it seem even longer. Optimus Prime out.'_

Optimus breaks the connection before Ironhide can so much as whimper and the black mech quietly grumbles to himself while he watches the humans. They're currently drinking from little paper cups and eating some type of food, though he can't be certain, it looks a lot like cookies that he's read about on the internet. They're talking fairly quietly amongst themselves and rather disconcertedly, he finds that they're talking about him.

"I've never known a car to be so warm," one of the men says.

"It's black and it's been sitting in the sun all day," Alex tells him. "But I've noticed that it continues to radiate heat for hours after the sun has gone down."

"What's that symbol on the tailgate mean?" asks one of the other women.

"Not a clue," Alex answers with a shrug. "I think it's some personal symbol of the person who designed the truck, but Tommy thinks it's something else. He thinks there some big government cover up on the truck. He's been trying to match the symbol all week on the internet, but he hasn't found anything yet. I doubt that he will either. That kid needs to get a hobby."

"He has one," another lady snickers. "It's driving you crazy with his conspiracy theories."

The others chuckle at this and even Alex smiles and nods in agreement.

"Well, he's going to have to find himself a new hobby as of tomorrow," Willow says with a smile of her own. "I remember how my sisters and I used to all drive each other nuts growing up. But now that we're all adults and living apart, we're the best of friends."

The conversation turns to siblings and the antics that they would pull as children and Ironhide loses interest. He turns his awareness to the surrounding area and belated realizes that the Energon has dampened his sensors. He forces them to work and sluggishly, they respond to his demands though his range has greatly been hampered. He detects another Cybertronian and it takes him several seconds to identify the mech.

'_Ironhide to Bumblebee,'_ Ironhide calls grumpily. _'What the Pit are you doing here?'_

'_Following orders,'_ Bumblebee tells him casually and Ironhide just knows the pipsqueak is laughing at him.

'_I should…,'_ Ironhide starts to growl.

'_Get some rest,'_ Bumblebee finishes for him. _'I'll keep a watch over things until they're gone.'_

'_I can take care of myself,'_ Ironhide snarls.

'_Prime's orders,'_ Bumblebee replies. _'You've taken care of me enough times, let me return the favor.'_

The idea galls him, but Ironhide can feel the Energon shutting down his systems and exhaustion starts to take a hold of him. He fights off the effects of the stuff for a while, but eventually it wins and he's pulled into stasis while the humans continue to talk, blissfully unaware of what's going on.

* * *

He's pulled out of stasis by someone opening one of his rear doors and tossing something in. He tries not to moan as Alex slams the door shut and then goes to open the tailgate, climbing up into the bed so she can fold back the tarp she had placed there the night before. He barely bites back a groan as he realizes that it's still dark out and a check of the local time puts it as way too early in the morning for any decent being to be awake.

As his systems slow come back online he's aware of one major thing: he feels like he's in the slagging pit. He tries to slip back into stasis, but she's starting to load the last of the items into his bed and he can feel the buzz of the Energon cubes as she loads the crates and secures them in place. He nearly moans as the vibrations of the cubes sets every single one of his systems to aching.

He manages not to say a few choice curse words as she finishes climbing around in his bed to make sure everything is secure, the tarp is tied in place and then she hops out to slam the tailgate shut. He's nearly trembling in agony when she climbs up behind the wheel, straps something into the passenger seat and then puts her own seatbelt on. He gets a whole new definition of pain when she starts his engine and they start to roll over the uneven dirt.

He practically sighs with relief when his wheels finally touch pavement but the relief is short lived as they head out onto the road. He nearly growls when he sees a familiar yellow Camaro on the side of the road.

'_Good morning,'_ Bumblebee cheerfully greets.

'_Slag off,'_ Ironhide snarls and then closes the link.

He doesn't pay attention to where she's taking him, only concerned about trying to get his systems back up to running at optimal levels again. He hardly notices her filling his gas tank or going through a drive through to get her own breakfast as he tries to run a diagnostic on himself. While waiting for a light, she slips a CD into the stereo and he realizes a second later that his torment is only beginning.

With a loud bang of electric guitars and horns the music starts and he can't stop the shudder that runs through his chassis as the noise coming out of his speakers causes his auditory processors to nearly fry out. He barely manages not to whimper as the drums start up and he's fairly sure some of his processors are going to explode at any moment. Just when he thinks things can't get any worse, to his utter dismay, he finds out that he's so completely wrong.

_Dear Primus,_ he silently groans. _Who told this female she could sing?_

Completely unaware of the agony she's causing, Alex happily sings along at the top of her voice to the song between bites of her breakfast as they pull onto the freeway.

* * *

He had thought that the glaring headlights of the cars going the other way had been bad, but then that blazing ball of pure visual receptor torture came over the mountains to the east and he's pretty sure that at any given moment his CPU is going to explode. The past several hours have been a living nightmare for the Autobot and he's on the verge of praying for Megatron to rise out of his watery grave and put him out of his misery. He's lost count how many CDs she's put in, but the latest one has her screeching about how she feels like a woman.

'_Ratchet to Ironhide!'_ Ratchet calls at an obscenely loud volume.

'_What the Pit do you want?'_ Ironhide growls, shuddering in displeasure and pain.

"Be good, truck," Alex tells him as pats his steering wheel. "We'll be there soon and then you'll get more of your Energizer juice."

'_Dear Primus,'_ Ironhide groans. _'This female is trying to kill me.'_

'_Serves you right,'_ Ratchet chuckles evilly. _'How are you feeling this fine and beautiful morning?'_

'_Like I've been dragged through the Pit and back,'_ Ironhide grumbles. _'How do I make it stop hurting?'_

'_You do not,'_ Ratchet tells him gleefully. _'You get to suffer until your systems work the extra Energon out._

'_You are one sick and twisted son of a glitch, you know that?'_ Ironhide snarls and Ratchet just laughs at him.

'_You were warned that the Energon she would be given is stronger than what you are used to, but you insisted on tricking her into giving you two of them,'_ Ratchet gruffly tells him. _'You have no one to blame for your condition except for youself.'_

'_Fine,'_ Ironhide grumbles. _'Can you at least suggest a way to make her stop singing?'_

'_Not for all of the Energon in the universe,_' Ratchet snickers. _'Have a nice trip. Ratchet out.'_

_Slaggerd, _Ironhide snarls to himself as they continue on their journey, Alex blissfully unaware of the rather nasty thoughts going through the truck she's driving CPU.

* * *

"Um, Optimus, is there a reason Ratchet is humming 'Man, I feel like a woman'?" Mikaela softly asks.

"I have no idea, but I have my suspicions," Optimus quietly confesses as the two of them stand and watch while Ratchet organizes his medical bay, happily humming to himself.

"Should I be worried?" she inquires.

"Probably not," he assures her.

"Probably?" she nearly squeaks. "Bumblebee's warned me about Ratchet when he's in a good mood. It's almost as bad as when he's in a bad mood."

"Do not worry, Mikaela," he says, looking down at the small human. "You are not the reason for Ratchet's current mood. The one who is is too far away for any type of retribution."

"Ah, Mikaela," Ratchet happily greets when he notices the teenager. "Did the protective gear arrive?"

"Yeah, I've got 'em right here," she answers, holding up her bulging backpack. "How did you know what size to get me?"

"I scanned you and took your measurements from that," Ratchet replies as Optimus leaves the area.

"You know, if you were human and you did that, it would be totally creepy," she tells him.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks.

"Don't worry about it," she says with a dismissive wave of the hand. "So what were you humming about?"

"Ah, that," he chuckles and he waves her closer. "Come here, I want to show you something."

He leads her over to a storage area behind his med bay that's located in the dead center of the building. There are several cubes filled with some type of glowing rainbow colored stuff that are nearly as tall as she is. She can see one of the cubes is only half full and there's a large hose attached to it that's hanging from the ceiling.

"What are these things?" she asks.

"This is Energon," he answers as he picks up one of the cubes. "We use them as an energy source."

"I thought you guys used gasoline," she says, a bit confused.

"We do, but we also use Energon," he responds. "There are certain elements in Energon that help us run more efficiently that we cannot get from gasoline and it is a much cleaner source of fuel. However, since we can't produce Energon in sufficient quantities yet, we are still dependent on human made fuel."

"Ok, but that doesn't explain why you were humming," she points out.

"True," he agrees as he walks over to a more human sized crate and opens it. "The reason I was humming was partially because of these."

"These just look like smaller, brighter versions of the bigger ones," she responds after looking in the crate.

"You're partially correct," he tells her as he carefully picks one up and puts in her hands. "One of these cubes is about the same as three of the big ones. I've been making these for Ironhide's trip up into the mountains and last night he managed to trick Alex into giving him two of these when his system didn't need it."

"So?" she says.

"Consuming too much Energon is like a human consuming too much alcohol," he states.

"So you guys can get drunk off of this stuff?" she asks, trying not to snicker at the mental image of a drunk Optimus Prime.

"Essentially, yes, and the aftereffects are about the same too," he answers and she quickly puts two and two together.

"So, Ironhide pretty much had six cubes of Energon last night and now he's driving to Northern California with a Megatron sized hangover?" she questions, an occasional snicker escaping her lips.

"That is correct," he chuckles. "And it could not have happened to a nicer mech."

* * *

**Disclaimer**: I don't the rights to 'Man, I feel like a woman'.

**Author's Notes 2:** Yes, as a couple of people have guessed, Alex is a Pagan, but her parents aren't, hence why they're _behind_ the barn and for those worried that this might turn into a romance between Alex and Ironhide, there will be no interspecies romances in this story.


	11. Joy Ride

**Author's Notes**: Sorry for the delay, I've been trying to get chapters written for some of my other stories, including one that I've ignored for months and then there's this nasty thing called 'Real Life' that gets in the way. Again, a big thank you to all of my lovely reviewers.

* * *

Will it never end? Between the blinding ball of pure agony that's now directly overhead, the searing heat radiating off of the asphalt, her running the AC full blast and her accursed singing, Ironhide isn't sure if he is going to explode or just melt. Either way he wishes it would happen soon and get it over with so he can finally be put out of his misery.

When they pull off of the freeway, he hopes that they're almost there, that his torturing is almost at an end, but instead she pulls into the parking lot of some chain diner. She parks him in the back of the parking lot, taking over several parking spots and far away from any other cars. He quickly scans the area and finds that the area consists of three fast food restaurants, the diner they're parked at and two gas stations with nothing else around for some miles. She turns off the engine, gets out, locks him up and heads towards the diner without a backwards glance as she stuffs the keys in her pocket. As soon as he's sure she's inside, air rushes out of his vents sounding distinctly like a sigh of relief and he sinks down further on his struts.

Ok, granted, she's parked him directly in the sun and his systems are all overheating thanks to the drive and the excess Energon, but at least she's not singing anymore. He starts to set up sub routines to go into a partial stasis while she's gone in hopes that it will help his systems work the Energon through and the rest of the trip won't be as painful. With another expulsion of air out of his vents, he starts to slip into a partial stasis, ignoring the sounds of people walking by.

He's barely aware of voices talking near him and he does his best to ignore them until he's shocked back into awareness.

* * *

"Oh, dude, this is a seriously nice set of wheels," the young man whistles in appreciation of the fine machine before him. "We've gotta take this baby for a ride."

"I don't know, Mick," his friend cautions. "This one is too easily recognizable. We'd be spotted before we got out of the parking lot."

"Come on, Jimmy, you saw the chick that got out of this thing," Mick says. "She's gettin' some food and I doubt that it's to go. She's probably one of those prissy types who wants everything just so. Bet she'll run her poor waitress ragged and then leaves some meager little tip."

"I don't know, Mick," Jimmy replies worriedly. "She didn't look that prissy to me."

"Oh, come on!" Mick scoffs. "She's driving this thing, how could she be anything but a pampered little daddy's girl."

"If she's so prissy and pampered, why'd she go into a Denny's?" Jimmy asks.

"Stop being such a pussy," Mick growls as he slides a Slim Jim out from under his jacket. "Just get ready to cut the wires to the alarm once I get the door open."

He carefully looks around to make sure the coast is clear while Jimmy moves in place and then steps up to the big, black custom made truck with the smokestacks and slides the lock opening device between the glass and the rubber seal, never realizing that he's just bitten off more than he can chew.

* * *

Ironhide is shocked back into awareness when someone touches him quickly followed by something metal sliding down into his door and a quick scan of the area shows him a man who's barely out of adolescence is trying to force the lock of his door open while another one stands expectantly in front of him. The mech refuses to let the rods and levers move and after tugging and pulling on the device, the male next to him gives one solid yank and manages to snap the end off of the Slim Jim. While the kid is swearing up a storm about the cheep piece of junk he swiped from his uncle is, Ironhide decides it's time to teach these fleshlings a lesson about messing with trucks that don't belong to them.

"Can I help you boys with something?" a gruff voice asks, causing both of the young men jump.

They turn to see a man who stands well over six feet tall, has salt and pepper hair, wearing form fitting black jeans and a t-shirt staring at them with piercing blue eyes that practically look like they're glowing.

"Crap, this guy looks like he could take on the Terminator," one of the kids mumbles and the strange man smirks indicating he heard the boy.

"Oh, uh, I just managed to lock my keys in my truck, that's all," the kid with the broken Slim Jim tells him, trying to hide the device behind himself.

"Your truck?" the stranger questions with a raised eyebrow, a dangerous glint in his eye and the smirk long gone.

"Yeah, my truck," miscreant number one replies with a challenging tone in his voice as raises his chin an inch in defiance.

"And here I thought the truck was mine," the man purrs dangerously as he pulls a set of keys out of his pocket and uses the remote to unlock the doors.

"Oh crap," the kid standing at the front of the truck swears just before he turns and runs away.

The second kid doesn't even think about it as he drops the broken Slim Jim and takes off after his friend. They never notice the man disappearing into thin air, but they do hear the truck roaring to life and burning rubber as it peels out of the parking lot after them. Running as if the Devil himself was after them, they take off down the street with the truck in hot pursuit.

They dodge behind the dumpster at the next door gas station thinking they've lost the psycho truck driver until they hear the crunch of gravel behind them. They turn terrified eyes towards the huge black truck as it quietly rolls up behind them and they all but wet themselves at the look of pure glee on the man behind the wheel's face. They take off like they're shot out of a cannon as they weave their way through parked cars in the next parking lot over, hoping the guy in the truck will just go away. They run clear of the last couple of cars and find the truck sitting there waiting for them, a malicious gleam in the driver's eye.

"Holy shit, this guy's insane!" Mick gasps as they turn and run the opposite direction the truck is facing.

"I told you not to mess with that truck," Jimmy gasps. "But would you listen to me?"

"Shut up and run!" Mick yells as he glances over his shoulder. "Here he comes!"

Jimmy looks back briefly and then wishes he hadn't as the guy in the truck is now chasing them down the sidewalk. They make a mad dash across the street, barely avoiding getting hit by oncoming cars, but the sound of tires screeching and horns blaring tell them that they haven't gotten away from nut case in the truck. They don't bother seeing what's going on behind them, so they never witness the truck nearly leaping over the median to get to them.

They continue running even though their lungs feel like they're going to burst, their legs are on fire and their hearts are beating so hard they're sure they're going to have heart attacks at any second. Blindly, they round the corner of a building, still running headlong without looking where they're going and suddenly find themselves out in an open field. They stop dead and wildly look around for some sort of cover just as the truck comes skidding around the corner and then slides to a stop.

They stare at the driver of the truck in absolute horror as a very wicked grin stretches his lips while he revs the engine and they try to make a break for it. With a roar of the engine, they're cut off from making it back to the relative safety of another parking lot and they slip and slide on the dirt as they hastily try and change directions. They find their way cut off again and soon they're coughing and covering their faces with their arms as the truck kicks up a huge cloud of dirt while it races in circles around them, gravel flying everywhere from the swiftly spinning tires.

Suddenly the truck is gone and the young men are left standing there coughing and choking while the dust cloud settles, covered from head to toe in dirt and grit and a moment later they hear the tattletale sounds of police cars approaching. They stand there panting and trembling, not even sure they have the energy to fall down, much less run away. Soon they're surrounded by people asking them questions and they've never been so happy to see a cop in their lives.

* * *

When she finally leaves the diner, she finds the truck right where she left it but there are a couple of cop cars blocking it in with their lights flashing. There's a cop circling around Ironhide, carefully checking the truck over and talking into his radio on occasion while another one is talking to a couple of guys who both look like they're ready to drop from exhaustion and have been rolling in the dirt near one of the patrol cars. She cautiously approaches the scene, not sure what to make of all of this and finally one of the cops notices her approach.

"May I help you, miss?" the officer who's talking to the young men asks.

"Yea, that's my truck you've got blocked in," she answers and she glances down at his badge to see J. Shaver written across it.

_I'm not yours, female,_ Ironhide growls to himself.

"This is your truck?" Shaver inquires, pointing at Ironhide with his pen. "You own it?"

"Yes and no," she replies, completely confused. "It's my cousin's husband's truck, but I'm borrowing it. Is there something wrong?"

"Where is your cousin's husband now?" Shaver questions as he quickly jots things down in his little notebook.

"Qatar," she tells him.

"Are you sure he's in Qatar?" he asks.

"I wasn't there when he got on the military transport that sent him there, so I'm just going on my cousin's word that he's there," she responds.

"What does your cousin's husband look like?" he inquires.

"He's about six three, short brown hair, brown eyes, in very good physical condition and according to my cousin he has a nice butt," she answers. "Could you please tell me what's going on?"

"According to these two gentlemen, a truck matching this truck's description was seen by several witnesses chasing these two men," he tells her, pointing at the two young men, both of them looking like they're none to steady on their feet. "According to them, a man with black and white hair, bright blue eyes and standing nearly seven feet tall was driving the truck. Witnesses couldn't see the driver very well, but the overall consensus is that it was a man driving. Do you know anyone matching that description?"

"He looked like he could have taken on the Terminator and won," one of the dirt covered men puts it.

_Like a hologram would be any good against an ant,_ Ironhide scoffs quietly.

"No, I don't know anybody who looks like that," she replies. "I've been in the restaurant ever since I got here and that was about an hour ago. You can ask my waitress. I didn't leave the restaurant until just now."

"Have you had your car keys with you the entire time?" he questions.

"Yes, they've been in my pocket," she replies as she pulls the keys out.

"Does anyone else have a set of keys to this truck?" he asks.

"My cousin does, but she's back home near Tranquility City," she tells him. "Officer, are these…gentlemen…sure that it was this truck? There are a lot of big, black trucks out on the road."

"True, but one thing all of the witnesses described was that it had smokestacks," he points out.

"The hood is still hot," Shaver's partner states as he makes his way over to them.

"I've been driving since five this morning, it's black and it's parked in the sun," she points out. "You could probably fry an egg on the undercarriage.

_Don't even think about it, female,_ Ironhide silently warns.

"Listen, I don't want to call these young men liars, but there's no way that this truck chased them unless it did it on its own," she continues.

_At least you got that right,_ Ironhide quietly smirks.

"Miss, there are a lot of witnesses who saw a big, black, GMC truck with smokestacks chasing these men and this truck fits the bill perfectly," Shaver tells her irritably, this case isn't making any sense and he's standing in the hot sun wearing a black uniform and a Kevlar vest, not exactly his idea of fun as he can feel the sweat dripping down his back.

"I know, but I find it hard to believe that this is the only one in the world," she replies a bit testily herself since she wants to get going.

Shaver opens his mouth to say something, but just then, a big, black, GMC truck with smokestacks and being driven by a man with salt and pepper hair drives by and they watch as it gets on the on ramp for the freeway. The officers scramble for their patrol cars and tear out of the parking lot a few moments later with the young men left standing there staring at the disappearing truck with their mouths hanging open. They stare at the truck that's long gone and then stare at her and then back towards the freeway and back to her.

She watches them a bit cautiously and then with a slight shrug, she unlocks the truck and climbs in. She straps herself in, starts the engine and then without so much as a backwards glance, she drives away. Mick and Jimmy stand there in the midday sun, sweat leaving muddy tracks on their faces with their jaws hanging somewhere in the vicinity of their bellybuttons.

"Th-th-th-that was the girl we saw get out of the truck, right?" Jimmy stammers.

"Y-y-y-yea," Mick stutters.

"This is the same parking lot, right?" Jimmy asks.

"Yea," Mick confirms as he cautiously moves forward a few feet and points down. "There's the broken Slim Jim I dropped and there are the skid marks the truck left when it came after us."

They stare at the piece of metal and then stare at the four black marks on the pavement and then back to the piece of metal and then back to the marks.

"That's it man," Jimmy declares. "I am never, _ever_ doing drugs again."

"I'm with you, dude," Mick agrees shakily.

They hastily return to their car, both silently swearing off any mind altering substances and vowing never to go joy riding ever again.

* * *

She pulls onto the freeway, easily getting up to speed to merge into the flow of traffic and Ironhide quietly gloats to himself. Who knew that chasing a couple of miscreants around would help work the kinks out? While some of his systems still aren't quite up to par, at least he isn't in the agony he was in before and as an added bonus, she's turned off the music and isn't singing.

For the first time since he was rudely woken up this morning, he turns his attention to the inside of his cab and looks at the woman driving him. She's dressed comfortably, her hair pulled up into a ponytail and he's a bit grateful that she isn't one of those women who are ruled by fashion as he doesn't care to think what high heeled shoes would do to his interior. He notices that there's a slight frown on her face and she's tapping his steering wheel with a fingernail, lost in thought.

"You know, Snuffles," she suddenly says out loud, glancing briefly at the passenger seat. "I hate to admit this, but Will's right. Weird things really do happen when those Energizer cubes are stored near the truck."

Confused, Ironhide turns his attention to the passenger seat to try and figure out who she's talking to and nearly dies of spark failure right there in the middle of the freeway. Sitting peacefully in his front passenger seat, strapped down with his seatbelt, is her scraggily, beat up old teddy bear as if it belongs there.

_Great Primus,_ he silently moans. _If this gets out,_ _I'll be the laughingstock of all the Autobots._

He gives an involuntary shudder and she pats his dashboard in a comforting manner.

"There, there, beast," she tells him soothingly. "We'll be there in a couple of hours and then you'll get your treat."

_If you want to give me a treat, you'll take that infernal stuffed creature out of my seat and stuff it in one of your bags,_ he snarls to himself. _As a bonus, you'll never caterwaul another note again for as long as you live._

As if she's heard him and wishes to torment him further, she slides another disc into the player, cranks up the volume and then starts singing at the top of her lungs again.

_Primus, what did I do to deserve this?_ he quietly groans.


	12. Shopping

**Author's Notes**:_(falls out of chair) _Last chapter got nineteen reviews in twenty-four hours. Holy Cats! Transformers' reviewers ROCK! Sorry for the delay in the update, but Real Life got in the way again. As always, please enjoy and review.

_Thoughts_

_'Comlink'_

* * *

A couple of hours she had said and they would be there, he's looked it up and a couple of hours equates to about two. He has been looking forward to getting this whole thing over with, looking forward to being free of being her pack mule and he was _really_ looking forward to no longer having to endure her endless shrieking. But instead of reaching their final destination out in the middle of nowhere, here he is sitting in another parking lot under a blazing sun two hours, forty-six minutes and thirty-nine seconds after leaving the restaurant.

He doesn't understand the draw of these warehouse stores, but right at this moment, he couldn't care less even though his bed is half filled with nonperishable food and sundries from one of these stores. The amusement from chasing those two miscreants dulled a while back, so now he's bored out of his circuits as he just watches the people coming and going. He's so starved for entertainment he's taken to categorizing the other parked cars by size and wondering how mad Optimus would be if he chose another alt mode and snuck away. He knows deep down that he'd never go AWOL, but he's so bored he's tempted and he's too busy scanning a nearby van that he doesn't notice when she returns at first. When his attention does turn to his own personal tormentor, he nearly drops his crankshaft.

_How much food does this female need?_ he silently demands and contemplates contacting Ratchet to find out, but thinks better of it since he's not really in the mood to listen to the CMO gloat.

He watches her come up behind him pushing a shopping cart filled to overflowing with more food than he can possibly imagine a human being able to eat, especially one as scrawny as her. She drops down his tailgate, unties the rope holding the tarp in place and then folds it back. She then opens the empty insulated containers that she stowed in him only this morning and a quick search on the internet tells him that they're ice chests.

He had wondered what they were for and now he knows as she proceeds to unload the cart onto the tailgate and then climbs back up to fill up the ice chests with the perishable foods she's purchased. She works as swiftly as she can to get the food stored and by the time she has everything put away and is closing his tailgate again, she's covered in sweat and breathing heavily. She quickly returns the cart to the front of the store and then comes back to him at a trot; she climbs back behind the wheel and wipes the sweat off of her face with her shirt with a sigh.

He grudgingly has to admit to himself that she's earned some respect from him since she loaded all of that food by herself without asking for help. However, that doesn't give her leave to torment his audio receptors or have that scraggily bear strapped to his passenger seat but he's at least thankful when she only hums along with the music after she turns the key in the ignition. He's a bit confused when she bypasses the onramp to the freeway at first until she pulls into yet another parking lot, this time for a grocery store. Maybe it's time to talk to the one Autobot who knows humans and their eating habits best.

'_Ironhide to Bumblebee,'_ he transmits over the comlink.

When there's no response after a minute, he checks to make sure that the comlink is open.

'_Ironhide to Bumblebee,'_ he calls again.

Again, silence and he runs a quick diagnostic to make sure his comlink is working properly.

'_Ironhide to Bumblebee!'_ he nearly yells.

Once more his summons is met with silence and his patience is pretty much gone by now, so he bites the proverbial bullet and puts in the call he had hoped to avoid.

'_Ironhide to Ratchet,'_ he calls, his circuits filled with dread.

* * *

"I feel kind of silly," she states as she comes out of the area Ratchet has set aside for her so she can change in private.

"Why?" Ratchet asks as he turns to look at her, making sure that she's put on her protective gear properly.

"I feel like I should be performing brain surgery or something," Mikaela tells him as she looks down at herself and all of the gear that has her covered from head to foot. "I never wore this much when working on the cars that my dad brought home."

"The cars you worked on did not leak Energon which seems to have a rather detrimental effect on your skin," he points out. "You humans are extremely fragile and your skin is your first line of defense against the hazards that you face every day. It is only wise to protect yourself as best you can."

"When you talk like that I feel like I should be going around in a full set of armor like a knight," she jokes and he quickly looks up what she means on the internet.

"Full plate armor would not be practical," he states a moment later. "Not only would your mobility be hampered, but you would have very little finger dexterity and then there is the matter that it is bulky, heavy and hot. I cannot recommend wearing such a thing. Why are you laughing?"

"I was joking," she snickers a few moments later.

"Oh, sorry," he says and she just smiles at him.

"Come on, let's get started on Jazz," she suggests and he places his hand on the ground for her climb up on.

"That sounds like a very good idea," he agrees as she sits on the palm of his hand.

He easily lifts her up and walks over to a large table that's covered with a stained sheet. She easily recognizes the stains made by oil and gasoline, but the strange blue-green spots she's guessing is the Energon. He pulls off the sheet with his free hand and she lets out an involuntary gasp when she sees Jazz's mangled body lying there.

"I don't remember him looking this bad back in Mission City," she says as he gently sets her on the table. "I can't tell if he's face up or face down."

"He's face down," he tells her. "I have removed his armor to get to his internals, but I am afraid that even with the armor off, I am having a difficult time of it. Jazz did not go down without a fight, but it looks like Megatron stood on him or squeezed him with his hands or something as some of his components are crushed. He is a mess."

"Ok, what should we start on first then?" she asks as she moves closer to the fallen Autobot.

He brings up a holographic image of Jazz's components and discusses with her what needs to be fixed and what needs to be replaced. She asks questions to which he gladly answers, pleasantly surprised at her ability to pick up the complexities of a Cybertronian's system. After a few minutes of instruction, he has her finding wires that have fallen into Jazz's chest cavity that he's having problems getting to and it's while she's elbow deep in Autobot internals, he gets a call that nearly knocks him on his aft.

'_Ironhide to Ratchet,'_ Ironhide calls, sounding about as thrilled as having all of his fluids drained and replaced with seltzer water.

'_Ratchet here,'_ Ratchet replies, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice, not that he's really trying. _'If you're going to ask how to make the Energon work out of your systems faster, take two aspirin and call me in the morning."_

'_What the Pit is aspirin?'_ Ironhide demands.

'_Human medicine,'_ Ratchet replies, chuckling to himself.

'_That's not why I called,'_ Ironhide growls.

'_Then if you are asking about how to her stop singing again, forget it,'_ Ratchet states. _'In fact, if I could, I'd record it and then program it into your system to play at random times during the day. Preferably while you're in stasis.'_

'_That is not why I called!'_ Ironhide repeats snapishly.

'_Then what can I help you with?'_ Ratchet asks, highly amused.

'_How much food is a normal amount for a human to consume?' _Ironhide snarls.

'_Why?'_ Ratchet questions.

'_Because she's just bought a lot more than I've ever seen Lennox or his female buy' _Ironhide grumbles.

'_Well, a human burns about two thousand calories a day and must replace it to maintain his or her weight,'_ Ratchets states after a quick search on the internet.

'_How many calories are in this?'_ Ironhide demands as he sends Ratchet an image of the food she's purchased.

'_I would hazard to guess more than two thousand calories,'_ Ratchet replies, stunned by the amount of food that he sees. _'Let me see what Mikaela thinks of this.'_

"Mikaela?" Ratchet calls only now noticing that the girl is up to her armpit in Jazz's chest cavity.

"Yeah?" she grunts as she tries to push her arm a bit further in.

"I need your advice on something," he tells her and she looks up at him, her arm still inside of the fallen Autobot.

"Ok," she says, not moving from where she is.

"Why would someone need to buy this much food?" he asks as he projects the image Ironhide sent him on the wall.

"Well, either they're having a major party or they're stocking up," she tells him. "Why?"

"Ironhide was curious," he replies.

"Oh, is this the lady that, um, 'borrowed' him?" she asks, having a hard time keeping a smile from her face.

"It is," he confirms and she could swear that he's smirking.

"Bumblebee was telling Sam and me about the whole Ironhide getting 'borrowed' thing," she says, trying not to snicker. "With that much food, I'm guessing she's stocking up for winter. I hope she has enough."

With that, she turns back to what she was doing, nearly climbing into Jazz to get to the bundle of wires that Ratchet wants.

'_Did you hear?'_ Ratchet questions.

'_Yes,'_ Ironhide replies and he expresses air through his vents. _'It explains her need for so much food. She's really serious about this cutting herself off from the rest of the world. Primus help me.'_

'_Good luck,'_ Ratchet chuckles. _'Ratchet out.'_

The medic disconnects the comlink and turns his attention back to his small human helper and is rather surprised to be staring at her backside. She's on her knees with both of her arms and her head inside of Jazz and he briefly wonders how in Primus's name she's able to fit. A quick scan shows him how pliable humans are and while he's amazed by her ability to squeeze into such a tight spot, he's also concerned for her safety.

"Mikaela, I do not think that it is wise for you to be so far in there," he states as he reaches for her, getting ready to pull her out.

"Have you got a flashlight?" she yells, her voice muffled by Jazz's chest. "I think I've found the wires, but I don't want to be yanking on the wrong thing."

The excitement of finally getting the central processing wire bundle out from wherever it's hidden itself momentarily overrides his concern and he leans over, turning on his spotlight to illuminate his friend's internals. He can see her squirming around to get her hand a little bit farther in and she lets out a little grunt as pushes herself in more. Worriedly, he starts to reach for her to pull her out only to be stopped by her cry of triumph.

"I've got it!" she cries happily and then she starts to wiggle around. "Um, Ratchet, could you help me? I seem to be stuck."

"Of course," he chuckles, reaching down and gently grabbing a hold of her hips.

"Hey, guys," a new voice calls from the doorway.

"Ah, hello, Sam," Ratchet greets and Mikaela suppresses a groan.

"Ratchet, what are you doing?" Sam asks, bewilderment in his voice.

"I am helping Mikaela get out of Jazz," Ratchet answers.

"Um, ok," Sam responds, still confused. "Why's Mikaela _inside_ of Jazz?"

"She's helping me repair him," Ratchet tells him.

"Ok, but that still doesn't explain why she's _in_ him," Sam points out.

"She's retrieving the central processing wires," Ratchet replies. "They were stuck somewhere in his chest cavity."

"What exactly are central processing wires?" Sam questions as he moves closer to them.

"They function in us much the same way as your spinal cord works in you," Ratchet responds while he carefully extracts the teenager from the Autobot.

"Are these the wires you wanted?" Mikaela inquires as she pulls the bundle free of some hosing.

"They are," Ratchet tells her, relief evident in his voice. "Thank you."

"They were caught above a big box in there," she informs him.

"Ah, the spark housing," he muses. "I was afraid that was what happened."

"You might want to take a look at the spark housing," she states. "I'm pretty sure I felt a couple of cracks in it. They aren't very big, but there's something definitely off about it. Not that I'm an expert, but it just didn't feel right."

"Thank you, I'll look into it," he says as he carefully takes the wires from her. "Would you like to go down and greet Sam?"

"Oh, ok, sure," she says a bit nervously.

"Is everything alright?" he asks and she looks down at Sam.

She looks down at Sam and sees a look of curiosity on his face, but not even the slightest trace of anger or resentment is there, something she knows past boyfriends of hers would have had if they were in Sam's place.

"Yeah, everything's just fine," she tells the Autobot and gratefully climbs onto his hand when he offers it.

Soon she's on the ground with the weirdest and nicest boy she knows and they smile at each other. He walks up to her, pulls the edge of his shirt up and rubs at a spot on her face.

"You've got grease on your nose," he tells her.

"Thanks," she says, laughing lightly.

"So, this is where you've been taking off to the past couple of days?" he asks, worry evident in his eyes.

"Yeah," she answers, not able to really look at him in the eye.

"Why?" he quietly questions. "Not that I'm not thrilled that you've been here. I thought maybe you've gotten bored with me, not that you shouldn't be, because you know, it's not like I've got really big biceps or tight abs or anything, but I'm really glad you haven't been, you know, seeing a certain jock…"

She silences him with a kiss and all thoughts pretty much fly out the window as his arms automatically wrap around her small waist and her arms circle his neck.

"You're cute when you ramble," she teases when they slightly pull apart. "You don't have to worry about Trent. He might have big arms and tight abs, but you've got a great sense of humor, you've always treated me nicer than I've ever been treated before and your car can step on his."

"Yeah, having 'Bee around is great," he laughs and then his face turns to one of shock and dismay as he quickly steps away from her. "Ratchet, I need your help."

"What can I do for you?" Ratchet asks, turning away from his work on Jazz.

"I think there's something wrong with Bumblebee."

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, I'm evil. 


	13. He said what?

**Author's Notes:** I have come to the conclusion that real life sucks and my muse is completely insane. Sorry about the delay with this chapter, but my muse seems to have taken a vacation without telling me. I have a story that I haven't updated in about six months that I'm going to have to beat out of her, so the next chapter may take a while. At any rate, thank you to all of my lovely reviewers who are too many to thank here (twenty-five reviews in twenty-four hours, you guys are the best!) and please enjoy this latest bit of Ironhide torture.

* * *

He watches impatiently as she carefully distributes the ice she's just purchased between the ice chests. He can see the logic of keeping the food cold since raw meat doesn't tend to do very well if left without refrigeration for too long, but she seems to be taking a fragging long time about it. He knows that if he was in his bipedal form, he'd be stomping around impatiently, telling her to hurry the Pit up and there'd more than likely be a lot of cannon waving.

By the time she hauls herself into his cab, he's about ready to take off down the road, heedless of whatever direction she might want to go in. She carefully sets a plastic shopping bag down between the front seats before completely settling into the driver's seat and Ironhide's olfactory sensors detect a strange smell coming out of the bag. While he's trying to figure out what's in the bag and whether or not it's dangerous to him, she pulls several sheets of paper out of her purse.

"Ok, Snuffles, this is it," she announces, sounding both excited and nervous at the same time.

_Primus, she's talking to that stuffed creature again,_ he groans to himself. _Did your creators drop you on your cranium when you were a sparkling? _

"Another thirty minutes or so on paved roads and then it's up into the mountains," she tells the teddy bear while looking over the papers.

_We're already in the mountains, slag head,_ he growls silently. _See those things made out of dirt and rock poking up towards the sky? Those are called mountains._

"Steve said his parents were going to go up and make sure everything was ready for me so I won't be fumbling around in the dark, but I wasn't able to get hold of him, so let's hope that he just went with them," she continues, completely oblivious to the Autobot's rantings.

_Is there a glitch in your CPU?_ He demands. _You are talking to a stuffed toy!_

"I've gotta tell ya, beast, I'm impressed," she states as she puts the sheets of paper down on the passenger seat in front of the bear and then pats the steering wheel. "You've gotten all this way without a refill. I don't think my old Civic had this type of gas mileage. I guess that Energizer stuff really helps."

_You have no idea,_ he quietly grumbles. _Are we going or not?_

"Ok, so now all we have to do is fill up the beast and then we're on our way," she says while strapping herself in.

_About time,_ he grouses as she turns the key in the ignition. _And the name's Ironhide, not 'beast', you Pit-spawn. _

Completely ignorant of the truck's complaining, she puts him in gear and drives over to a nearby gas station. Once she's got him filled up, they're back on the road and a short time later they're merging onto the highway again. He happily purrs along and despite the woman and her mangy toy he's completely enjoying the feel of the wind through his grill and the road beneath his wheels.

_Optimus Prime to Ironhide,_ Prime calls a bit louder than necessary.

While Ironhide wouldn't normally let the fact that his commander is calling him at an odd time bother him, it's been some time since he has heard Optimus sounding so…angry.

* * *

"What are Bumblebee's symptoms?" Ratchet inquires as he carefully covers Jazz back up to prevent dust or dirt getting into his systems.

"Well, he hasn't talked to me all day and he made me drive when I went to school and when I came home," Sam replies, trying not to get a kink in his neck as he stares up at the medic. "He usually doesn't let me drive unless I beg him. When I told him I wanted to come over here, he locked me out. I had to come over on my dad's bike."

"Interesting," Ratchet says as Optimus walks into the medical bay. "I wonder if his vocal processor has gone offline again."

'_Ratchet to Bumblebee,'_ Ratchet calmly calls over the comlink.

"Hmm," Ratchet muses worriedly a minute later. "Bumblebee isn't answering."

'_Optimus Prime to Bumblebee,'_ Optimus calls. _'Please respond.'_

"He's not responding to me either," Optimus announces a few moments later. "This is most troublesome."

"Where was Bumblebee when you last saw him, Sam?" Ratchet asks.

"In my driveway," Sam answers.

"I think we need to investigate," Optimus states.

With that, Optimus and Ratchet start to transform into their alternate modes and Mikaela quickly heads for the changing area, stripping off pieces of her protective gear as she goes. They wait patiently for her to return and then Ratchet opens his doors for the teens and Sam and Mikaela both head for the passenger door.

"Perhaps one of you should sit in the driver's seat," Ratchet suggests. "It would look quite odd for the two of you to be sitting in my passenger seat while no one is behind the wheel."

"Oh yeah, right," Sam mutters and quickly makes his way to the other side of the Autobot.

"Sam, please tell me anything else you noticed about Bumblebee that seems out of place," Ratchet requests after they've been on the road for a while.

"Well, he was fine yesterday, but he did go somewhere around nine last night," Sam tells him. "He didn't come back until around six this morning. I figured he was just off doing something with you guys, so I didn't worry about it. Then when I went to school, he was acting like a normal car. He wouldn't even use his radio to talk to me."

"Interesting," Ratchet mumbles going silent for a few moments. "Optimus says that he sent Bumblebee out to keep an eye on Ironhide."

"Why would he need to keep an eye on Ironhide?" Sam asks.

"Ironhide wasn't functioning at full capacity last night," Ratchet answers.

"Huh?" Sam grunts in confusion.

"Is that because Ironhide had all that Energon?" Mikaela inquires.

"Yes," Ratchet replies.

"Ok, somebody please explain," Sam says. "I'm feeling a bit out of the loop here."

Mikaela quickly explains the best she can about Energon and its effects on the Autobots and what Ironhide had done the night before.

"So, Bumblebee went to keep an eye on Ironhide because Ironhide was drunk?" Sam questions, still a bit perplexed.

"In essence, yes," Ratchet confirms.

"Man, the thought of Ironhide drunk is both funny and terrifying at the same time," Sam chuckles.

"How so?" Ratchet asks.

"Well, on the one hand, imagine cranky old Ironhide all mellow and relaxed," Sam points out and Mikaela has to giggle at the thought. "But on the other hand, you've got trigger happy Ironhide with some really big cannons and even fewer inhibitions in using them. I can see why Optimus sent Bumblebee to keep an eye on him."

"I'm afraid musings about how Ironhide behaves when he's overcharged on Energon is going to have to wait," Ratchet announces.

"Why's tha…," Sam starts as a yellow blur with black racing stripes takes off down the street. "Hey! Where's he going?"

"A very good question," Ratchet grumbles while his lights begin to flash, his sirens wail and his engine roars as he gives chase to the younger Autobot. "One I intend to get the answer to."

* * *

A flock of birds take flight as Bumblebee comes tearing onto the overlook with a roar of his engine just before he spins around kicking up a huge cloud of dust and then coming to a stop facing Optimus and Ratchet. The Hummer's doors fly open and Sam and Mikaela come dashing out, immediately running over to their yellow friend. As Sam reaches out to touch Bee's hood, the Camaro backs up until his back wheels are on the edge of the cliff. Optimus and Ratchet transform into their natural forms as he does this, not daring to move closer for fear of Bee actually backing up over the cliff.

"Bumblebee, report," Optimus orders in a very commanding voice that makes even Sam and Mikaela want to respond.

Bee trembles as he revs his engine, but he doesn't answer his commanding officer's order.

"I said report, soldier," Optimus demands, he voice dropping an octave in anger.

Bee goes silent for several moments and then slowly transforms into his bipedal form. As soon as he's upright, he shifts around on his feet nervously, never looking anyone in the eye or optics. None of the others dare move closer to him since they can hear loose rocks and dirt being knocked down the face of the cliff.

"Bee, be careful, buddy," Sam says nervously, unable to take his eyes off of the yellow Autobot's feet. "What's wrong? You can tell us. We're your friends."

"Bumblebee, please report," Optimus requests in a much gentler tone.

Still Bumblebee doesn't answer, but becomes more agitated as he continues to shuffle his feet, sending more rocks and dirt down into the valley below.

"Is it his vocal processors?" Mikaela asks, looking back at Ratchet.

"No," Ratchet answers, his brow ridges drawn down with worry and confusion. "His vocal processors are working within capacity."

"Come on, buddy, what's wrong?" Sam nearly begs his guardian. "What happened last night?"

"Does this have something to do with Ironhide?" Optimus inquires and Bumblebee nods, but still refuses to look at anybody. "What happened?"

Bumblebee doesn't answer at first, but hangs his head as if in shame. When he does answer more than a minute later, it's in Cybertronian and even then he utters it so softly that Optimus and Ratchet have to strain their audio receptors to catch what he's saying. When he's done, there's dead silence on the lookout as if even the wind and the wildlife are stunned by the answer, much to the confusion of the two teens and then all hell breaks loose.

"**HE SAID WHAT!?"** Optimus and Ratchet shout at the same time causing the humans to literally jump at least a foot off of the ground.

"When I get my hands on him, I'm going to scrap him," Ratchet snarls as he starts to angrily pace back and forth. "No, I'll reformat him into a desk."

The teens look from the raging medic over to the leader and see him not moving at all. They nervously glance at each other and then back at the normally animated Autobot before them. At first they worry if whatever Bumblebee told him has sent him into some sort of shock and then they watch as his fingers slowly curl into fists.

"When did this happen?" Optimus softly questions, the anger very evident in those quiet words.

"This morning as he was leaving," Bumblebee nearly whispers, speaking English once more.

"What exactly happened?" Optimus asks in the same tone of voice.

"At approximately half past four this morning, Alex came out and finished loading him up," Bumblebee starts to report, no longer shifting around, but with a sag to his shoulders and he's staring at the dirt in front of him. "At about five, she got in and started to drive. I greeted him as they passed and that's when he…"

"A foot rest," Ratchet growls, still pacing around. "I'm going to turn him into a foot rest. That way when he's under foot, at least he's being useful."

"Um…could someone please tell us what's going on?" Sam requests and he's eternally grateful that the optics that turn to stare at him are blue and not red.

"As Ironhide was leaving this morning, he told Bumblebee to…," Optimus starts, but he goes perfectly still again and the humans turn to Ratchet.

"He told Bumblebee to slag off," Ratchet grinds out.

Both Sam and Mikaela's jaws drop and they stand there gaping at the medic in surprise. They both learned shortly after Mission City that Bumblebee was raised by Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz and that Bumblebee had the closest emotional attachments to Optimus and Ironhide. They also learned some of the choicer Cybertronian swear words and their Earth counter parts.

"My god," Mikaela finally gasps. "That would be like my dad telling me…"

"Screw you," Sam softly finishes for her.

'Optimus Prime to Ironhide," Optimus calls out loud and the others know that he's just opened a comlink to the weapons specialist so they can all hear.

'_Ironhide here,'_ Ironhide replies a few moments later, sounding a bit perplexed.

'Did you, or did you not, tell Bumblebee to "slag off" this morning as you were leaving?' Optimus demands and there's dead silence for a minute before Optimus loses his patience. 'Ironhide, answer the question.'

'_Yes,'_ Ironhide so quietly that the others almost don't hear him.

'You will please explain yourself,' Optimus demands. 'Now!'

'_That little Pit-spawn who borrowed me woke me up way too early in the morning,'_ Ironhide grumbles. _'Thanks to her, I was hurting everywhere…'_

'You tricked her into giving you that second cube of Energon,' Ratchet snarls, joining the conversation.

'Do not be blaming the woman for your actions,' Optimus warns.

'_Fine, but she didn't need to get up so Pit blastedly early in the morning,'_ Ironhide grouses. _'When we go to leave, the little glitch was sitting there waiting for me and being way too cheerful.'_

'So, of course, that's a perfect reason to tell Bumblebee to "slag off",' Ratchet growls.

'_No,'_ Ironhide quietly admits. _'But did he have to be so fragging cheerful that early in the morning?'_

'A lamp,' Ratchet tells the other mech. 'I'm going to turn you into a lamp. At least then you'll be bright.'

'Let me show you something,' Optimus says and then sends Ironhide what the Autobot leader is seeing before him.

Bumblebee is now sitting on the ground with his legs hanging over the edge of the cliff and his back to Optimus, his shoulders sagging and his head hanging down while Mikaela and Sam try to comfort their robotic friend.

'_Oh slag,'_ Ironhide moans. _'Bumblebee, I'm sorry.'_

Bumblebee doesn't respond, but continues to sit there dejectedly as the humans continue to try and cheer him up.

'_Frag it,'_ Ironhide states. _'I'm coming back there and talking some sense into him.'_

'You will do no such thing,' Optimus orders angrily. 'You will continue on your mission to help this woman with her project.'

'_But…,'_ Ironhide starts to argue.

'You will not return to Tranquility until she is ready to return, is that understood?' Optimus demands.

'_Yes, sir,'_ Ironhide growls.

'Oh, and Ironhide,' Optimus continues in a rather deceptively pleasant voice.

'_Yes?'_ Ironhide asks suspiciously.

'If anything should befall this woman while she is under your protection,' Optimus says, pausing for dramatic effect. 'I will let Ratchet dismantle your cannons and then reinstall them…backwards. Optimus Prime out.'

Somewhere in Northern California, a large black truck lets out a groan and shudders while his driver worriedly pats his steering wheel, reassuring him that they'll soon be there and that he'll get his Energizer juice in not too long.


	14. Arrival

**Author's Notes:** I'm so sorry for the long wait. I started writing this chapter, but it just wasn't working out and I couldn't figure out how to fix it for the longest time. But now it's fixed and hopefully, all will enjoy the further tormenting of a certain Weapon's Specialist. Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers who are too many to mention here. It always makes my day when I see my email box filled with such lovely reviews.

* * *

"I told you he was sensitive," Sam whispers to Mikaela.

She just gives him a sardonic look before turning back to their large yellow friend who doesn't really seem to be paying much attention to them. Bumblebee cycles air through his vents making it sound like he's sighing before looking back over his shoulder at the other two beings on the lookout. Ratchet is still agitated enough to be pacing back and forth, not so quietly making plans for Ironhide's cannons while Optimus slowly moves closer to the small yellow bot.

"You must think that I am nothing more than a sparkling," Bumblebee says softly as he looks back down the face of the cliff he's perched at the top of.

"No, old friend," Optimus assures him in his deep, kind voice. "What Ironhide did was wrong."

"And if anything happens to this Alex woman...," Ratchet snickers evilly.

"I certainly hope you are not wishing this woman any harm," Optimus muses as he turns to look back at the medic, an eye ridge lifting a bit higher than the other.

"Of course not!" Ratchet quickly retorts. "But Ironhide attracts trouble like, as the humans say, a carcass attracts flies, so it is only a matter of time before something goes wrong."

"That's not really something I'd like to think about," Mikaela states as she pats Bumblebee's arm.

"Me either, but it is the truth" Ratchet agrees sadly. "I just hope help is close by when everything goes to the Pit."

* * *

The birds in the trees sing their evening songs, serenading the setting sun as orange and pink clouds leave streaks across the darkening sky. Squirrels and chipmunks scurry about, hiding the nuts they've recently acquired to help them through the coming winter before returning to their nests for the night. Even a three pronged stag wanders by, curious about the goings on in the once silent cabin, but he quickly moves along when a loud thump and a few expletives come from the small building.

And Ironhide is _not_ happy. And when Ironhide is not happy, things tend to blow up...usually loudly and with great force. But not this evening, this evening everything is quiet and calm, except for a certain mech's circuits which are just about fried. Everything is a picture of serenity and Ironhide wants nothing more than to blow it all to the Pit.

Ok, so he does have to admit that the time spent going up the unpaved road to get to the cabin was a little bit of fun and the fact that she finally got that mangy, moth eaten, scraggly, beat up old teddy bear out of his passenger seat has been a major relief to what is left of his dignity. Watching her haul the ice chests out of his bed, up a dozen steps to the porch and then dragging them into the building was amusing until he realized that if she hurts herself, even if it's by her own stupidity, he'll probably get blamed. Plus, even though she did take the roasted carcass of the dead avian that had been in that plastic bag between his front seats with her when she got that pathetic toy out of him, the smell is still in his cab and try as he might, he can't seem to get it out.

_Miserable Pit-spawn,_ he grumbles to himself. _Hasn't finished unloading me, hasn't given me shelter and hasn't given me my Energon. If she doesn't kill herself before this is over, I just might._

Before he can continue with his internal monologue, she comes trotting down the steps with a set of keys in her hand. She jogs past him towards a large shed next to the cabin, unlocks the padlock on the chain holding them closed and starts to open the double doors. She only gets about half way before she stops and stares at the interior.

"Ah shit," she groans. "They were supposed to clean this out. ERG! Now what the hell am I supposed to do with you? I can't park you in here with all this crap in the way!"

She looks over at him and sighs before closing the doors again. He gets a brief glance inside the small building and he all but growls at her. A brief scan shows that while the building isn't packed to the rafters, there is still enough stuff in there to prevent her from getting him in there without him running several of the items over or seriously damaging his paint job.

_You had better find a way to keep me sheltered, you little Pit-spawn,_ he silently growls at her. _Or so help me..._

"Ok, I'll deal with this in the morning," she states as she stuffs the keys in her pocket. "Let's get you fed and then I can go back to getting unpacked."

He carefully watches her as she trots up the steps to the porch and goes to one of the Energon crates that she had carefully unloaded right after the ice chests. She grabs a couple of cubes and quickly returns, completely oblivious to the fact that he's very wary about having that much Energon again. He lets her stick the first cube in and he slowly absorbs the stuff into his systems, mindful of what happened the night before.

The Energon starts to do its job on his overworked systems and he nearly sags in relief as he feels himself relax despite his current situation. Once the cube is empty, he waits a little longer before ejecting it since he notices she's starting to get a bit impatient with waiting. He enjoys watching her fidget around as she waits for him to spit out the empty cube and he intentionally holds onto it until she starts to walk off, immediately closing the compartment door the instant it's out.

"About time," she grumbles as she turn back around.

She marches back and goes to open the compartment door again only to be thwarted by his refusal to open up. She pushes on it, bangs on it and even tries to pry it open, but to no avail as he refuses to suffer from another Energon hangover. Besides, he's having fun driving her crazy.

"Come on, you stupid truck, open up," she growls in frustration as she continues to bang on the panel with the flat of her hand.

_Not a chance, you little fragger, _he silently chuckles, ignoring that his systems are feeling differently about the whole thing.

Before he can get any further joy out of tormenting her, she literally growls at him, slams her fist into his panel and then storms off with both cubes in hand. He chortles to himself, ignoring the rest of his body as it sends his processor signals for more Energon. He's quite proud of himself in exacting a little revenge on the little Pit-spawn, but his enjoyment is short lived as she comes stomping back with the still full cube in under one arm and a piece of paper in her other hand. She walks back towards the Energon compartment, but instead of trying to wrestle with the uncooperative door, she leans against his side and starts reading the writing on the paper.

"Here it is," she announces after about a minute of reading. "'If you drive Ironhide a lot in one day, make sure to give him two cubes of Energon.'" She turns and waves the paper at him and he smirks to himself. "See, it says it right here! Now open the hell up!"

She proceeds to try and open the little door again and gets the same results as last time. She pounds on it a few times with her fist as she says a few choice words about testosterone driven males and their vehicles. When she still can't get him to open up, she goes back to reading the paper with a frown on her face.

"'Make sure you wait at least an hour between feeding him the cubes!'?" she yells. "That's it, I am so kicking his ass when he gets back from Qatar. You think he could have told me that before he left? But noooooo..."

She continues to grumble and rant much to Ironhide's amusement as she heads back up the steps, the cube still tucked under her arm. She continues reading as she goes and when she's about half way up the stairs, she stumbles slightly before she stops dead in her tracks.

"THEY'RE EXPLOSIVE!?" she shrieks, suddenly holding the cube at arm's length and then her voice turns into a snarl. "I'm going to shoot him with his own gun."

She stalks back up onto the porch, returns the full cube to its crate with exaggerated care and after delicately closing the lid, she moves both of the crates behind the shed. Once she's done, she storms back into the cabin, slamming the door behind her, much to the amusement of a certain Autobot.

* * *

_'Optimus Prime to Ironhide, report,' _Optimus's voice rings over the communications link and Ironhide groans in response. _ 'Ironhide, what is wrong?'_

_'That little Pit-spawn is trying to kill me,'_ Ironhide grumbles.

_'What has she done?'_ Optimus asks worriedly as he brings Ratchet in on the conversation.

_'She...she...,' _Ironhide stammers angrily. _'She's a little spawn from the Pit and so help me I may have to shoot her! She's dragged me out here to this Pit-forsaken spot on this mud ball of a planet. She hasn't finished unloading me and she's now getting ready for bed, so she's not likely to do it now. Plus, she hasn't given me shelter like she promised she would!'_

_'Has she given you both cubes of Energon?'_ Ratchet asks irritably.

_'Sorta,'_ Ironhide mutters.

_'Either she has or she has not, you slaggard,'_ Ratchet snaps. _'Now which is it?'_

_'She's given me one,'_ Ironhide mumbles.

_'Didn't she offer you the second one?' _Ratchet questions, his processor trying to comprehend what this woman is up to, but after several seconds of silence, Ratchet growls in frustration. _'She did offer it to you, didn't she? And you refused it, didn't you!?'_

_'I'd rather not go through this morning again, thanks,'_ Ironhide growls defensively.

_'Listen, you fragging slag head!' _Ratchet shouts so loudly through the link that even Optimus flinches. _'You will take that second cube if she offers it and you will take it gladly or so help me I am coming up there and welding your cannons to your aft so that they only way you can fire them is to bend over and expel exhaust! Ratchet out!'_

With that, the CMO closes his portion of the link and stomps off, leaving a slightly startled commander behind.

_'I will assume that you and Alex arrived safely and all is going well,'_ Optimus states with amusement. _'Optimus Prime out.'_

Ironhide is left once more to his silent grumbling as the sound of night insects and little nocturnal creatures go about their lives around him. His systems are screaming for more Energon and he softly groans to himself. He tries not to think about Ratchet's threat and while some threats from the medic are easily ignored, anything involving his cannons is not.

_Where is that little Pit-spawn?_ He mutters to himself. _If she doesn't get out here soon..._

As if his thoughts summoned her, she comes out of the side door that's closest to the shed he's supposed to be parked in. He pushes his sensors as hard as he can to see what she's doing, but they refuse to respond adequately, so he has to wait and see what she's up to. When she appears a short time later carefully holding one of the Energon cubes, he nearly rolls up to her and offers her an open Energon compartment. However, pride and stubbornness keeps his wheels still and he sits there waiting for her.

"Ok, you overgrown go-cart, you better open up now," she growls at him.

He's tempted to fight her again, but his systems can feel the Energon and they're screaming for it by now. Reluctantly, he submits to her opening his compartment and sliding the cube in. He nearly groans with relief the instant that wonderful stuff hits his systems and it takes quite a bit of will power to hold perfectly still in front of her.

"That's a good beast," she tells him as he absorbs the much needed energy.

He bites back a retort and when she leans against him, he manages not to move away from her, but only just.

"How do you keep radiating heat when the sun's been down for nearly two hours and I stopped driving you a few hours ago?" she asks rhetorically as she closes her eyes to enjoy his warmth.

As soon as he's absorbed every Energon molecule out of the cube, he ejects the empty container out in hopes that she'll stop leaning against him. She pushes herself off of his side, picks up the empty cube and then pats his fender as she walks by.

"Night, beast," she mumbles. "You did good today."

With one last pat, she returns the empty cube to the crate and then heads inside, leaving a very confused Ironhide behind.

* * *

He watches with self satisfied amusement as she stands and stares at the pile of nonperishable items stacked before her in complete confusion. He must admit that unloading his bed himself and carefully placing it on the porch for her to find while she slept was a stroke of pure genius on his part. It's left her so perplexed that she's been standing there staring at the items for several minutes now.

She goes over to the railing and stares down into his now empty bed and then she looks back over to the pile. She does this several times with a frown etched into her features and he has to control himself not to laugh out loud at her. She finally goes back into the cabin carrying some of her belongings with her and he allows himself to shake with mirth as she disappears through the door.

He manages to get himself under control just before she comes out again to collect more things to be brought in. After a couple more trips back and forth, it becomes apparent that she's just moving things into the building and he goes back to scanning the area for possible dangers to amuse himself. The closest thing he can find as even remotely hazardous is a raccoon sleeping in a nearby tree hallow and a porcupine waddling by on its way to the creek that's just across the road.

It suddenly dawns on him that he's surrounded. Every which way he scans there is nothing but living, breathing, organic life with almost no technology anywhere in the vicinity. The closest to modern human machines is in the small kitchen of the cabin and the most advanced item is a microwave.

He sinks down on his struts and lets out a little groan as he finally realizes that he won't be seeing another of his kind for six months. He'll be stuck out here to be her personal pack mule/slave for half a year. For two full seasons he won't be able to blow anything up with his cannons and with that last thought he lets out a strangled whimper.

"What the hell was that?" she mutters as she comes over to the railing and looks around.

He remains silent as she spends the next minute looking around and trying to figure out where the noise came from. With a shrug, she goes back to moving her belongings inside and once she's safely past the door, he quietly cycles air through his vents in something that resembles a sigh. He ignores her until he notices her moving the crates of Energon from behind the cabin and he almost laughs out loud, knowing that she's only moving it because she thinks that they're too close to him.

* * *

After getting the last of the items off of the porch and into the cabin and moving the Energon crates, she starts work on the shed. She spends the next several hours moving and shifting the items in the small building, trying to make room for the monster of a truck that she's brought with her. She gets everything moved out of the way then goes to move the testosterone wonder into the shed.

"Shit," she grumbles.

_Slag,_ he silently mutters.

They both stare at the work bench across the back of the shed that's preventing the last six inches of the back of the truck to make in. With a few choice words, she parks Ironhide back in front of the cabin before going and taking a closer look at the bench. She's in there for several minutes trying to move the blasted thing and he can hear her grunting with the effort. After a while, she concedes defeat and heads out of the shed, running the chain through the door handles, but not completely locking the padlock.

_Come back here and finish the job you started, you little Pit-spawn,_ he quietly orders as she heads back into the cabin.

He seethes to himself after she closes the door and he spends the next several minutes imagining her tied to one of his target drones from Cybertron. When she returns some time later, he can see she's changed her clothes to something much lighter and much more revealing than the clothes she wore earlier. While he's trying to figure out why she's changed her attire, she climbs into him and starts him up.

He hopes that maybe she's come to her senses and they're going to head back towards civilization, but instead she turns him to head further up into the hills. After driving for a short while, they crest a hill and she stops him. Even he must admit that the view before them is quite impressive.

The sun is well past midday and the light reflecting off of the lake before them looks like millions of dancing diamonds. A light wind dances through the trees surrounding the body of water as an occasional hawk soars overhead. With a happy sigh, she puts him into gear and they continue their journey until they reach the lake shore.

_What are we doing here?_ He demands as she parks him close to the little beach. _You should be back there making sure I have shelter._

Completely oblivious to his rantings, she climbs out, strips off her outer clothing and then tosses them into the back seat. She flips a large beach towel over her shoulder and then saunters over to the water. He studies what she's wearing and a quick search of the Internet identifies it as a bikini.

_Swimming?_ He snarls as she kicks off her sandals and drapes her towel over a large rock just before she steps into the lake. _You're going swimming instead of taking care of me!? Get back here you little Pit-spawn! You have work to do!_

"Damn," she gasps as she goes in deeper. "Cold water!"

_Then get out of it,_ he snaps just as she takes a deep breath and dives in. _Do you have slag for a processor!? Get out of there!_

He's half tempted to go in after her, especially when she doesn't reemerge after several seconds. Just as he's about to blow his cover, she pops back up with a gasp for air and then lets out a whoop of joy. He silently growls at her as she starts to swim around, obviously enjoying herself while he stews over his current situation.

He sits there being miserable, swearing that he can feel every speck of dust that's landing on his armor. He knows that by the time this is over, his joints and gears will be filled with grit and he'll be lucky if can ever transform back to his bi-pedal mode ever again. He's so lost in his own musing that he almost doesn't notice her starting to head for shore.

_About time, you little Pit-spawn, _he growls at her in irritation. _You've bathed, now let's go back so you can finish what you've started._

But instead of doing what he wants or even expects, she does something that practically fries every circuit in his CPU.


	15. Sunbathing

**Author's Notes:** Just for fair warning, there's nudity and sex in this chapter. If you tilt your head to the side and squint, you'll see it. For a general point of reference, in my story, for Ironhide to see when he's in his truck mode he's using the lights on top of his cab to see what's going on around him. s96(dot)/albums/l184/TheShadowCat/?actionview¤tironhidefront;(dot)jpg As always, an Optimus sized thank you to all of my reviewers. You guys are the best.

_Personal thoughts_

_'Autobot communications link'_

* * *

_**SPLAT!!**_

_What...the..._

He sits there in stunned amazement, unable to completely comprehend what she's just done and he can feel several circuits in his CPU starting to spark. A splash draws his attention back to the water and he can see she's floating around on her back, eyes closed and completely relaxed. He turns back to the indignity on his hood and quietly growls.

Checking to make sure she's not going to see him, he dips down his front end as far as he can, but all that does is cause the water to dribble down his grill and bumper. He flaps his hood up and down several times, but they're too close to the windshield so the the blasted things remain where they are as if they're glued to the spot. He searches the Internet to check to see if bikinis have some sort of adhesive qualities to them and with a snarl escaping his vocal processor, he rights himself, settling back on his wheels in a very dark mood.

He silently seethes as she continues to frolic in the water and he pointedly refuses to look at her, watching over her be fragged. It was bad enough seeing Lennox and his female demonstrating their mating habits on the hood of her car, but at least he was able to request Lennox not to do that again, albeit, a bit forcefully. Now he doesn't have that option and he's not sure how often she intends to come to the lake, but it's already been one time too many.

He continues to look anywhere but at the water even when he hears her finally getting out. A short time later he can hear her heading towards him and he just ignores her until he can feel her hands on his hood and her foot on his bumper. A second later she's hauling herself up and reaching for her bikini that still sitting in a wet mess.

_About fragging time, you little Pit-spawn, _he growls to himself as he finally looks down at her.

He's glad to finally have this indignity over with, but his relief is short lived. Instead of grabbing the small bits of cloth off of his hood and then getting down, she wrings them out and then spreads them out to dry on his fender. Then to add insult to injury, she spreads her towel out diagonally across his hood.

_I am not your personal drying rack, _he silently seethes.

As if using his hood as a way to dry her wet items isn't bad enough, she then climbs up onto his hood and stretches out along the towel. She folds up her arms, rests her head on them, closing her eyes and sighing as she relaxes from the heat of the sun on her back and the warmth radiating off of him.

_What...the...FRAG!_

* * *

The sound of a high performance engine revving echoes off of the walls of the not so abandoned warehouse and it draws the attention of the two occupants living there. They follow the sound to the medical bay just as two teenage humans emerge from the bright yellow Camaro. The trunk of the sports car opens of its own accord and the humans head over to it to haul out a fairly hefty metal box.

"What have you got there?" Optimus asks, watching as the teens put the box down rather heavily just as Bumblebee moves away and starts to transform.

"Some of my dad's old tools," Mikaela answers, looking up at the towering form of the Autobot leader.

"I already have tools," Ratchet states, sounding slightly affronted.

"They're for me," Mikaela explains with a smile as Bumblebee carefully picks the box up and moves it to the table that Jazz is lying on.

"Ah, good idea," Ratchet admits. "I doubt you could get your arms around my tools, much less pick them up or use them."

"Exactly," she grins as she heads for her dressing area.

"Have you been in communication with Ironhide since yesterday, Bumblebee?" Optimus asks the small yellow bot.

"No, sir," Bee ashamedly admits, hanging his head slightly.

"Then perhaps it is best you do so now," Optimus strongly suggests.

"And make sure we can hear it," Ratchet adds and Optimus raises an optic ridge at him. "We should make sure he makes proper amends to Bumblebee."

Optimus continues to stare at his CMO and after several seconds Ratchet becomes fascinated with a spot on his hand.

"And I want to hear him grovel," Ratchet softly mumbles and Sam puts a hand over his mouth to try and contain his laughter and his hide his smile.

Optimus shutters his optics as he pinches the bridge of his nose and cycles air through his vents making it sound like he's sighing.

'Bumblebee to Ironhide,' Bumblebee calls out and the others turn to look at him.

At first there's silence then there's an electronic screech that has everyone cringing and Sam covering his ears.

'Ironhide, what is wrong?' Optimus asks in concern.

There's more garbled electronic squeaks that has the robots looking concerned and has Sam and Mikaela both worried as she pokes her head out of the dressing area.

'Ironhide?' Optimus tries again, worried that something untoward has happened to his weapon's master.

_'Get'eroff!'_ Ironhide yells and Mikaela already knows that there's something going on with Alex and the large mech. _'Get'eroff! Get'eroff! Get'eroff! Get this little Pit-spawn off of me!'_

The other three Autobots jerk as he sends them an image of what's happening and the reactions of the three vary quite a bit. Optimus looks stunned, Ratchet starts making sounds like he's snickering and Bumblebee plays a sound clip of a wolf whistle. Sam looks between the three, dying to know what's happening.

"What's going on?" Sam finally asks after several seconds of silence.

"Sam, perhaps you can explain why Alex is doing this," Optimus requests as he shows the image that's being sent to him.

The wall near Sam lights up with the an image of woman stretched out, face down across the hood of a car. It looks like the picture was taken from the top of the cab and when a bit of wind blows some of her hair around, it becomes obvious that this is a live video. After a few moments, a small part of Sam's brain realizes that this is Ironhide's hood and that he's seeing the woman who borrowed the grumpy mech.

However, this only registers in a small part of his brain as Sam reacts as most heterosexual teenage males do when presented with an image of a physically fit female wearing only her birthday suit. His mouth drops open, his eyes bug out and he makes a strange guttural sound in the back of his throat. Mikaela chooses that moment to come out of the dressing area ready to work and sees Sam staring at another woman's body with which she's none to happy about.

'I certainly hope she's wearing enough sunscreen,' Ratchet states, amusement very evident in his voice.

_'Who the frag cares if she's wearing sunscreen!?'_ Ironhide shouts. _'Just tell me how to get her off of me!'_

'You could try to make noises like a car alarm,' Bumblebee suggests and they can hear Ironhide starting to make a sound that worryingly resembles evil chuckling. 'That should at least wake her up.'

'Before you do that, how does this woman normally react when startled?' Ratchet asks, before Ironhide can implement his plan.

_'How the frag should I know?' _Ironhide demands. _'What difference does it make?'_

'Well, from what I understand, when some humans are frightened badly enough, they lubricate,' Ratchet casually mentions and there's a pause as Ironhide remembers a certain little Chihuahua.

_'That is disgusting!' _Ironhide yells before he grumbles. _'It was bad enough when that rodent did it, but to have her do it...uhg.'_

The Autobots are so intent on their conversation and Sam's completely mesmerized by the scene before him, that none of them notice Mikaela stalking up behind her boyfriend.

"See anything you like," she growls softly near Sam's ear.

"Yeaaaah," Sam starts to answer until he looks over and sees who asked him the question. "Oh! NO! No, nothing! Not a thing to like here! Nothing at all!"

At that exact moment, he sees movement out of the corner of his eye and he turns to watch Alex as she rolls over onto her back.

"Whoa," Sam nearly moans as his mouth drops open again. "Nice tattoo."

**WHACK!**

"OW!" Sam yells as he rubs the back of his head and then turns to look at his scowling girlfriend. "Oh...um...uh...I was just...um...admiring her ink."

"Yeah, I noticed," Mikaela replies, acid dripping from her voice.

"I'm sorry," Sam says as he fully turns to face Mikaela. "I didn't mean to upset you. You know she doesn't hold a candle to you."

She gives him a good, hard glaring at and he just looks back at her with big, sad eyes.

"Ok, stop with the sad puppy dog look," she finally says as she finally relents and smiles at him. "I forgive you."

'What is that on her chest?' Optimus asks as he enlarges the picture and it takes quite a bit of willpower on Sam's part not to turn around and stare again.

Instead, he bites his bottom lip, closes his eyes and lets out a small whimper.

"It's a pentacle," Mikaela answers as she pats Sam's shoulder. "She's probably a pagan. It's a religion."

_'Who cares!?' _Ironhide snaps. _'I just want to know how to get her off of me!'_

'The mark is right over her heart,' Ratchet observes, ignoring Ironhide's rants for something much more interesting. 'How very interesting.'

_'I don't care if it's on her aft!'_ Ironhide screams in frustration. _'How do I get her off?'_

'You wait until she is good and ready to move,' Optimus tells him sternly. 'You're job is to see to her well being and to make sure she comes to no harm.'

'If you try something foolish, you might end up hurting her,' Ratchet adds. 'And if she ends up being harmed...well, let us just say I have many plans for your cannons.'

There's several seconds of silence before what sounds like a mechanical whimper can be heard coming over the connection.

"Did Ironhide just whimper?" Sam asks, barely containing his laughter at the thought.

_'No!'_ Ironhide snaps while Bumblebee vigorously nods and both Sam and Mikaela have a hard time stopping the snickers that are trying to escape their lips.

'I am still curious as to why Alex is lying across Ironhide's hood,' Optimus reminds them.

"She's sunbathing," Mikaela tells him.

'Will that not harm her?' Optimus asks, finally turning off the image he was projecting, much to Sam's relief. 'There are warnings of being out in the sun for prolonged times that can cause damage to human skin.'

"If she does it a lot and doesn't use sunscreen, then she can get a sunburn and maybe even skin cancer," Mikaela agrees.

'However, humans do need to expose their skin to the sun on a regular basis in order to produce vitamin D which is essential for calcium absorption,' Ratchet adds. 'A lack of sunlight can lead to rickets, osteoporosis and Seasonal Affective Disorder.'

_'While that is all fragging fascinating, that does not mean she gets to use me as her personal slagging sunning berth!' _Ironhide growls.

'Actually, yes it does,' Optimus tells his Weapon's Specialist. 'This is seeing to her physical wellbeing and you are doing a very good job of it.'

_'Slag,' _Ironhide grumbles and there's more than a few sentient beings snickering. _'So why the frag did Bumblebee call me? Or did you lot decide you needed a good laugh this afternoon?'_

'I believe, you still owe Bumblebee an apology,' Optimus reminds the old mech.

_'Fine, but this is between me and Bee,'_ Ironhide growls. _'The rest of you don't need to be adding your, how do the humans put it, oh yeah, your two cents in.'_

'Very well,' Bumblebee agrees as he switches the communication line to a private setting and leaves the area.

"Kill joy," Ratchet mumbles as he goes over to Mikaela and puts his hand down for her. "Shall we get to work?"

"Ok," she agrees as she sits down on the offered palm.

He carefully straightens up and heads over towards Jazz, quietly discussing what else needs to be done.

"Hey, Optimus?" Sam calls as the leader turns to go.

"Yes, Sam," Optimus replies, looking back over at the young human.

"I got a call from Secretary Keller this morning, he wants to talk to you ASAP," Sam tells him.

"A sap?" Optimus questions in confusion. "Why would he tell you to use the sticky fluids of a tree?"

"Not sap," Sam laughs. "ASAP means As Soon As Possible."

"Ah," Optimus murmurs. "Why did you not tell Bumblebee? He could have told me much sooner."

"He said something about making sure I told you face to face," Sam replies with a shrug.

"Very well, thank you, Sam," Optimus says with a nod. "I will contact him immediately."

With that, Optimus leaves Sam standing there by himself, pretty much twiddling his thumbs. Fortunately, Bumblebee returns shortly and Sam gladly walks up to his guardian.

"Everything ok now?" Sam asks.

"Yes, Ironhide groveled enough to make even Ratchet happy," Bumblebee tells him, his good humor evident in his voice. "Ready to go home?"

"Not that I'm really looking forward to looking at more schools with my mom, but yeah," Sam answers and Bee transforms down into his alt mode. "Think we'll run into those guys that were tailing us again?"

"Perhaps," Bee replies as he opens his driver side door. "Maybe I'll even let them follow us home."

"That was pretty slick how you lost them on the way over here," Sam snickers as he slides into the driver's seat.

"Holograms do have their uses," Bee chuckles as he calmly rolls out of the old warehouse.

* * *

"How hard is it to follow a couple of kids in a bright yellow Camaro?" Simmons demands of the two people in front of him who for all intents and purposes look like an average married couple. "It's not like you can mistake it for another car! It's a CONCEPT car for god's sake! There's maybe a half dozen in the world and you lost it!"

"We don't know how they did it, sir," the man in front of the desk tells him. "They went around the corner and we followed them a couple of seconds later and they were gone. There's no way they should have been able to get away with all of the traffic in the area. We would have seen them turn a corner, but it's just like they disappeared into thin air."

"Do you have any idea where they might have been headed?" Simmons sighs after glaring at the two before him.

"No, sir," the woman replies. "We were in the middle of town when we lost them. It was like they were just wandering around and then they disappeared. I don't know how those kids spotted us or were able to lose us so easily."

"It wasn't the kids that lost you," Simmons grumbles. "It was the car."

"Sir?" the man asks.

"Never mind," Simmons growls. "Dismissed."

The couple nod to him and then leave his office without another word. As soon as they're gone, Simmons picks up the phone and places the dreaded phone call. The person on the other end picks up after the second ring.

"Hello?" a man's voice queries at the other end.

"It's me," Simmons states.

"How'd it go?"

"They lost them."

"I told you it wouldn't work."

"Well, I haven't heard you come up with any bright ideas," Simmons snaps. "The president wants that alien's body and he wants it yesterday! I'm open for suggestions, Tom."

"Let Secretary Keller talk to them," Tom calmly replies. "Perhaps he can make Optimus Prime see reason."

"And if he can't?" Simmons demands.

"Then we do what we have to make sure that this nation is safe," Tom assures him.


	16. Pain in the Aft

**Author's Notes I:** A big old thank you to all of my reviewers. You guys are the best. A bit more action and drama than comedy in this chapter, but it's necessary.

* * *

He sits in front of the cabin again, silently contemplating going AWOL after the sunbathing incident earlier. After they had returned, she had disappeared back into the small building and she has yet to reemerge, much to his displeasure. She most certainly hasn't given him shelter yet and he's less than amused by this.

His silent musings are interrupted by the sound of a car's engine drawing closer. He quickly scans the approaching vehicle and is less than happy to find out who it is. No sooner does the other car stop, then she comes rushing out of the cabin looking less than pleased herself to see the other person.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demands as she glares at the young man getting out of the other car and Ironhide recognizes him as the ex-boyfriend who was giving her problems before they left.

"Come on, baby, I know you came out here so we could have some alone time," the young man says and she turns a deep red as she scowls at him angrily. "Don't try to deny that you've missed me."

"In your dreams," she hisses at him as he moves around his car and Ironhide wonders if he's going to have to chase this miscreant off. "It's over Dennis. Why the hell can't you get that through your thick skull?"

"I know you still want me," Dennis replies, a smug look on his face as he leans against the front of his car. "Every woman wants a strong man in her life to take charge of things.

"I want you like I want an extra hole in my head," she snaps, glaring at him. "I don't know how you found out how to get here, but I suggest you get back into that bright, shiny car your parents bought you and leave and don't come back."

"Nice truck," he states, turning his attention to Ironhide and the mech doesn't like the look on his face.

"You stay away from that truck," she snarls as she grips the railing, her knuckles turning white.

"Yeah, that's a really nice truck," he purrs as he pulls his keys out of his pocket, twirling the ring around one of his fingers, slowly walking towards the large mech. "The problem with black is it show scratches so easily."

"Get away from the truck!" she yells and Ironhide wonders how hard he can hit this guy without doing any permanent damage to him.

"I wouldn't be so interested in the truck, if say, you were to..._distract_ me," he crudely suggests as he leers at her, stopping his key spinning as he looks up at her. "Maybe we can work out a little agreement. You invite me in, make me some dinner and then show me how much you've missed me."

"I'd sooner have my appendix removed through my nose," she growls and Ironhide can see her shaking with her pent up rage.

"What a shame," he says in mock sadness as his keys start twirling once more and he resumes his slow walk towards the truck. "It's such a nice truck too. It'd be such a shame if something happened to it."

She gives him one last glare before turning and running back inside. Ironhide watches the young male select one of the keys on the ring as he moves closer to the large truck. Just before Ironhide has to decide whether or not he's going to blow his cover or let this annoying flesh bag damage his paint job, she comes charging out of the cabin again.

"I said get away from the truck!" she yells as the sound of a shotgun cocking fills the air.

Both man and mech turn their attention to the angry female standing at the top of the stairs. Ironhide must admit that he's impressed that she's not only holding a double barrel shotgun, but handling it properly with the end pointed towards the ground. He turns his attention back to the young man and nearly laughs at the look of fear and worry on the young man's face. The look is short lived though and is quickly replaced with a mocking one.

"You won't shoot me," he tells her smugly, a smirk sliding onto his lips. "I doubt that's even loaded."

Without a word, she points the weapon not to far away from his feet and fires. Dennis nearly jumps clean out of his shoes as dirt sprays up in every direction out of the sizable hole she's just made in the ground. He starts some serious back pedaling as she glares at him and he looks up at her with shock clearly written across his face.

"Care to see if I've loaded the other chamber?" she growls, her eyes narrowing as she points the weapon at his car.

"YOU'RE CRAZY, BITCH!" he screams at her.

He makes a mad dash for his vehicle and within seconds of him getting in, the engine roars to life and the back wheels throw up a huge cloud of dust and rocks as he tears out of there as fast as he can.

_Not bad,_ Ironhide muses to himself, watching the trembling woman. _There may be hope for you yet._

She continues to stand vigilance at the top of the stairs long after Dennis is gone and Ironhide scans her vital signs. Her heart is racing, her breathing fast and shallow and she's trembling from head to foot. He wonders if he should call Ratchet when she finally starts to slowly walk down the steps.

Her eyes remain riveted to the dirt road until she reaches Ironhide's side. She finally lowers her weapon and turns to examine him. She runs a careful, gentle hand over his side, checking for the slightest bit of damage that may be there.

"Thank the goddess you're alright," she sighs with relief as she sags against him. "Will would have had my ass if anything had happened to you."

_That's if there was anything left after I was done with you, _he grumbles.

"Who knew that sleeping with that bastard would have turned him such a control freak?" she moans as she thumps her head against him. "I feel like such an idiot for dating him. With my luck, that jackass will keep coming back, completely ruining my project. Hopefully he won't be back until after I can get you put away, then you'll at least be safe. To bad I can't say the same for me."

With that, she dejectedly pushes off of him, heading back inside and he watches her go, a bit confused.

* * *

"Sir?" the middle aged woman calls from the door.

"Yea?" the man replies, barely looking up from the papers in front of him.

"Secretary Keller is here to see you," she tells him.

"Ah good," he says as he tears his attention away from the items on his desk. "Please send him in."

"Yes, sir," she responds before opening the door further and standing out of the way.

"Mr. President, you wished to see me?" John inquires as soon as the door is shut.

"Yea, John," President Moss replies as he waves his hand towards a chair next to the desk he's sitting at. "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you, sir," John murmurs as he takes the offered seat.

"So, have ya talked to this Optimus Prime yet?" Moss asks, leaning back in his seat.

"I got off the phone with him just a short time ago, sir," John hesitantly answers. "They still refuse to give up the remains of the last alien."

"Didn't ya explain to this Prime character that we need to dispose of all of the dead alien bodies to keep them out of the hands of our enemies?" Moss demands, a frown creasing his face.

"Yes, sir, I did," John replies patiently. "May I speak frankly, sir?"

"Of course," Moss replies

"With all due respect, sir, I think we should just let them keep the body," John states.

"Ya're treadin' on thin ice, Mr. Secretary," Moss warns. "Why in the blue blazes should we let them keep somethin' that could be a danger to our country and all the free countries of the world if that thing should fall into the wrong hands?"

"Well, sir, first of all, to them the body of their fallen comrade is not a thing," John calmly points out.

"They didn't have a problem with us droppin' the other aliens in the Laurentian Abyss," Moss counters. "What's the difference with this one."

"Jazz was their friend, the ones we disposed of were the enemy," John responds. "Sir, if we went to their world to fight our enemies and one of our soldiers died, would you let them just take the body to dispose of as they see fit?"

"Ya're speaking treason here," Moss snaps. "I want that thing disposed of and I want it done now! Is that understood? Or do I need to get a new Secretary of Defense who can get the job done?"

"I understand, sir," John sighs in defeat. "Is there anything else?"

"No, ya can go," Moss replies as he turns his attention back to what's on his desk and John gets up to leave. "Oh, before you go, John, I want to ask ya somethin'."

"Yes, sir, what is it?" John asks, turning back towards the President.

"Do ya think I should get the Titleist or the TaylorMade?" Moss questions, handing over a couple of print outs to John.

"I've always had good luck with Titleist irons myself, sir," John answers after looking over the sheets for a minute. "Perhaps you should try them out for yourself and then decide."

"Good idea, John, thanks," Moss says as he takes the papers back. "Ya can go now."

"Yes, sir," John responds with his most neutral voice.

John leaves as quickly as possible and swiftly heads for his office, his anger giving him the energy and speed to get there. He silently thanks God that it's well past visiting hours and that most people have gone home for the evening. He all but flies into his office, carefully shutting the door behind him, instead of slamming it like he wants to and then drops down into his seat with a sigh of disgust.

"That bad, huh?" a voice asks.

"Oh, Tom, I didn't see you there," John gasps in surprise, turning to see the former Sector 7 agent off to the side of the room.

"The way you were focusing, I doubt you would have noticed the Rockets doing a kick line in the middle of the room," Tom snorts. "I'm going to go out on a limb and say things didn't go well with the President."

"You've picked a pretty sturdy limb to climb on," John confirms and slumps down in his seat. "They saved our world and we're thanking them by trying to throw one of them away like yesterday's garbage. We should be helping them to make this world their home, not desecrating their dead."

"We did it to the others," Tom points out as he sits down in the seat across the desk from John.

"Yeah, but those were the bad guys," John points out. "Making sure they can't come back is a good thing."

"Come back?" Tom questions with a raised eyebrow.

"Optimus hinted that they might be able to bring Jazz back," John tells him. "I don't know how, but they're not like us."

"Now there's the understatement of the year," Tom snorts again.

"Did Simmons have any luck locating them?" John inquires.

"Nope," Tom answers. "He said that 'those stupid idiots lost the kid and his damn Camaro in downtown Tranquility in broad daylight'."

"Well, at least we know they're all still in Tranquility," John sighs. "I can at least tell the President that."

"Well, actually...," Tom hesitantly starts.

"'Well, actually' what?" John demands.

"The black truck, Ironhide, is missing," Tom admits.

"In what way is he 'missing'?" John asks.

"Well, our man went to check that he was still at the Lennox household this morning and he wasn't," Tom answers.

"How long has he been missing?" John questions.

"We're not sure," Tom replies. "Less than a couple weeks."

"A couple weeks?" John inquires incredulously.

"That's about how often we check on him," Tom responds. "We checked the abandoned quarry that he's been using for target practice and it appears he hasn't been there for about a week."

"Great," John grumbles. "I've got the President breathing down my neck to get the last dead alien into our custody and one of the live ones that we actually know where he's supposed to be has gone AWOL."

"It could be that he's gone to join Optimus and their medic, Ratchet," Tom suggests. "With Captain Lennox in Qatar, he probably didn't want to just be sitting around in the garage collecting dust waiting for the captain to return."

"That could be," John muses. "Let's just hope that's the case. I'll talk to the captain in a few weeks when I go on my inspection tour."

"So what do we do now?" Tom asks.

"We keep looking," John answers.

"Any special orders?" Tom questions.

"No, just keep trying your best," John replies.

"You know, if we had more advanced equipment...," Tom starts.

"Then we'd find them pretty quick, wouldn't we?" John finishes for him. "What do you think the chances are of them just peacefully handing over Jazz?"

"Pretty slim," Tom agrees

"Let's give them as much time as we can to try and fix Jazz," John states. "Maybe by the time the President orders us to start using more advanced methods, there won't be a body to dispose of."

"I hope you're right, sir," Tom responds as he stands up to go. "I'd rather not be on the bad side of Optimus Prime."

"I hear you," John chuckles without much mirth. "Good night, Tom."

"Good night, sir," Tom replies and then walks out the door.

John watches the other man leave, for the first time in his life hoping that their mission will continue to fail in finding the missing aliens.

* * *

_'Optimus Prime to Ironhide, report,' _Optimus calls, breaking the tedium that has become Ironhide's existence.

_'Ironhide reporting,'_ Ironhide grumbles._ 'Situation unacceptable.'_

_'Explain please,' _Optimus requests, getting ready for another gripe session.

_'She still hasn't given me shelter,' _Ironhide grouses.

_'Is there a reason why not?' _Optimus asks.

_'The people who own this place did not fully remove their belongings in the shed that I'm supposed to use,'_ Ironhide explains. _'She has attempted to make room, but there is a table at the back that makes it impossible for me to fully fit in the shed.'_

_'Has she tried to move it?' _Optimus questions.

_'Yes, but she has failed both times she has tried,'_ Ironhide answers. _'She was leaking lubricant out of her optics after the second attempt failed.'_

_'Perhaps it is too large for her to move by herself,' _Optimus points out.

_'Probably,' _Ironhide huffs. _ 'For a spawn from the Pit, she is pretty scrawny.'_

_'Ironhide, perhaps _you _should move it for her,' _Optimus suggests.

_'It's her job to provide me with shelter,'_ Ironhide growls. _'Why should I do her work for her? Especially after what she did earlier.'_

_'If she cannot move the table on her own, how will she be able to provide shelter for you?' _Optimus queries._ 'I would imagine spending several months covered in snow would be most uncomfortable.'_

There's silence from the other end for nearly a minute before some creative swearing makes Optimus try to suppress the smile creeping across his face plates.

_'Is there anything else to report?'_ Optimus inquires when the swearing finally winds down.

_'Nothing more than a male with whom she used to sleep with arrived after our return from the lake,'_ Ironhide responds and then proceeds to relay the entire incident to his leader.

_'Do you think he will return?' _Optimus questions when Ironhide is done with his report.

_'She seems to think so,' _Ironhide tells him. _'That may be why she was so upset when she failed to move the table earlier.'_

_'Very well,' _Optimus replies. _'If he does return and if he is a threat to her wellbeing or to you, you may use whatever means you deem necessary to get rid of this male. However, reveal yourself to her only as a last resort. Is that understood?'_

_'Yes, sir,' _Ironhide says.

_'Good, Optimus Prime out,' _Optimus states and then severs the connection.

Ironhide turns his attention back to his surroundings and finds all as it should be. The creatures of the night go about their lives, paying the hidden robot no mind and his own personal little tormentor has finally gone to bed. He checks to see that she's truly asleep, preparing to transform into his bipedal mode when an unnatural sound reaches his audio receptors.

He quickly scans the area again and he detects a vehicle slowly coming up the dirt road with no lights on. Maybe half a mile away, the car comes to a stop and the engine is cut. A lone figure emerges and after Ironhide does a scan on the human he isn't sure if he should laugh or growl.

_Come on, you miserable excuse for a Pit-spawn,_ he silently growls. _If a puny female with a shotgun makes you run, let us see how you handle the likes of me._

* * *

**Author's Notes II: ** So in the movie, they never state what the president's name is, though we can all pretty much guess who it's supposed to be. That being the case, I gave the president the last name of Moss because it's a less complex life form than a bush.


	17. Monster Robot

**Author's Notes:** A million apologies to everyone for making you wait. School's out for summer and my brain is almost fried. I tell you, real life can seriously suck. As always, my most humble thanks to all of my reviewers. You guys are the best.

* * *

Ironhide carefully watches the young human male as he comes staggering up the dirt road. Dennis says a few choice words under his breath when he trips over a hidden root and nearly falls flat on his face making the mech smile to himself. Ironhide scans the flesh bag, taking note of the nearly empty thick glass bottle in one hand, a wooden baseball bat in the other and a switchblade knife in one of the pockets of his pants. When Dennis takes a swig from the bottle, Ironhide is able read the label thanks to the nearly full moon shining over head and does a quick search of the Internet for 'Jack Daniels'.

_You dumb slagger,_ Ironhide chuckles to himself. _You're over energized __**and**__ you come up here when you know she has a shotgun? You're even stupider than I first thought. __**This**__...__is going to be fun._

Ironhide continues to placidly sit there like a normal, ordinary truck and does a quick scan of the cabin to find that Alex is still sound asleep, while the foolish male stumbles up to him. Dennis takes another swig from the bottle and then drops the nearly empty bottle on the ground. He then takes the handle of the bat into both hands and tries to line up the other end with one of Ironhide's headlights.

"_I took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights,"_ Dennis sings so far off key that it makes Alex's caterwauling sound good.

_I don't think so,_ Ironhide silently growls.

Dennis gets into a rather unstable and very sloppy batting stance, wiggling his hips while readjusting his fingers a couple of times. He tenses up and then lets the bat fly with all of his drunken might. Ironhide just barely manages not to laugh out loud as the human spins around in a circle a couple of times, missing his intended target by several feet.

Dennis clumsily tries to bring his swing under control, finally stopping with his back to the big black truck. He blearily looks back over his shoulder at the benign looking vehicle and blinks several times in confusion. He turns to face Ironhide again and unsteadily walks towards him. He measures out the distance to the headlight again, making sure his feet are firmly planted and then pulls the bat back once more.

"_I took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights,"_ he repeats as he lets the bat fly and slams himself right into Ironhide's grill. "What the fuck?"

Ironhide is very amused as the confused human tries to take a couple steps back and ends up tripping over his own two feet. Again, Ironhide has to control himself from making any noises as the young man falls onto his aft and lands on the bottle he had drop. By shear luck, the bottle doesn't break and Dennis says a few choice words as he staggers to his feet, rubbing his sore backside in the process.

Who knew just rolling back and forth could be so entertaining?

Dennis stands there unsteadily, glaring at the truck with eyes that won't quite focus properly. Ironhide patiently waits for the foolish male to make his next move and he doesn't have to wait long. Dennis drops the bat and then starts to head towards Ironhide as he fishes around in his pocket for several seconds before coming out with the knife Ironhide had noticed earlier.

"_I slashed a hole in all four tires,"_ Dennis tries to sing as he flips open the switchblade.

He takes a firm hold of the handle with the blade pointing down and then jabs it downwards towards Ironhide's front tire as hard as he can. Ironhide rolls back a few inches causing the knife to bounce off of the wheel and nearly stabs Dennis in the leg. The human lurches upright, stumbles back a few steps and barely managing to not to fall on his aft again.

He stares at the undamaged tire in complete confusion and when the night air is filled with the sound of a man's deep voice chuckling, he spins around attempting to find the other person. He staggers a couple of drunken steps backwards as he tries to regain his balance while his heart rate starts to climb. He slams into the side of the truck and grabs a hold of one of the side mirrors to remain upright, wondering who could possible be out there at this time of night.

"Did you really think it would be that easy to damage me, human?" the deep masculine voice asks in a quiet, menacing tone and Dennis freezes as it sound like the voice is right next to him. "Mightier beings than you have tried to off line me for centuries and have failed. What makes you think you would have faired any better?"

"Who said that?" Dennis demands in a harsh whisper as the adrenaline that's pumping through his veins starts to sober him up. "Who's there?"

"Oh, where _are_ my manners," the voice purrs dangerously. "Allow me to introduce myself."

Dennis suddenly finds himself shoved away from the truck as if the truck itself had pushed him and lands face first in the dirt. He lays there stunned for a few moments at the sound of servos whining, gears grinding and metal clanking fills the night air. With great trepidation, Dennis turns himself over and witnesses Ironhide finishing his transformation into his bipedal form. Dennis lets out a little whimper as a pair of blazing blue optics stare down at him from more than twenty feet up into the air.

"My designation is Ironhide," the mech growls as his cannons whir out of his forearms and start to power up, blue plasma lighting up the night. "_I_ am the weapon's specialist to Optimus Prime, commander of the Autobot army and I've sent more Decepticons to the Pit than you can possibly count, flesh bag. Now I've got a question for you, boy. Are ya feelin' lucky, punk? Well? Are ya?"

Ironhide's cannons start to spin and whir as they grow brighter with suppressed energy and Dennis lets out a shriek that rivals the one Ironhide heard Sarah Lennox let out when she saw a mouse a couple months ago. A suspicious stain begins to spread across the front of the human's pants and Ironhide watches the male with disdain.

"Disgusting," Ironhide grumbles as he reaches for the man on the ground.

Dennis lets out another audio piercing scream and quickly scrambles to his feet as the giant black hand moves towards him, never noticing that he's dropped his knife. He starts running for his car and is brought up short when that same hand that had been reaching for him slams down into the ground right in front of him. He tries to turn and make a break for it, but the second hand quickly cages him in and he soon finds the only way out is up.

He looks up in horror as those blazing blue optics hover above him only a few feet away from his head. If pressed, he wouldn't be able to describe any other features of that monstrous face, he can only see those glowing blue orbs. He cringes in fear as he crouches down, making himself as small as possible.

"Know this, human," Ironhide growls at the cowering man trapped in his hands. "I have been assigned to protect Alex and protect her I shall. Consider this your only warning. Return and I will not be so forgiving."

With that, Ironhide stands back up, his cannons still spinning as if begging to be fired.

"Go and never return," Ironhide orders to the human huddled on the ground, pointing down the road. "NOW!"

Dennis doesn't need to be told twice as he quickly scrabbles away from the huge robot and all but hurts himself getting back to his car. It takes him a couple of tries to get into the vehicle and even more attempts to get the keys into the ignition to get it started. Once he gets the engine turned over, he tears out of there, kicking up dirt and rocks and barely able to maintain control.

Ironhide walks out onto the road to make sure Dennis keeps going and quietly snickers to himself. He powers down his weapons and it's not until they're folded back into his arms does he hear the sound of the front door to the cabin being unlocked. Knowing that there's no way he can get back in position without revealing himself, he transforms where he is, leaving his driver's side door open. He finishes his transformation not a moment too soon as a moment later, the porch light turns on just as the front door opens.

"Oh shit!" Alex gasps as she dashes to the railing with shotgun in hand and looks at the spot Ironhide used to occupy. "Oh crap! God no, this can't be happening."

She comes dashing down the stairs in a blind panic and almost doesn't notice the light shining from off to the side. She quickly turns and sees Ironhide peacefully sitting out on the road, his dome light a shining beacon in the night. She gives a cry of relief and than dashes towards him, ignoring the fact that she's not wearing any shoes.

"How'd you end up over here?" she asks as runs up to him and starts running her empty hand over him, as if to make sure he's really there. "Goddess, I hope you're not damaged. Let's get you back where you belong and then I'll check you over."

She returns to the cabin as quickly as she can, saying a few choice words under her breath every time she steps on a rock or a pine cone. She comes back a minute later with keys in one hand, a flashlight in the other, shoes on her feet and a worried look still etched into her features. She scrambles up into his cab, carefully checking to make sure there aren't any hidden surprises inside before settling down in the driver's seat.

She gets him started and then goes to park him back where had been previously sitting, but stops shy of the goal when the headlights pick up something reflective. She leaves his engine running as she carefully gets out of the cab and goes over to the object that shouldn't be there. She carefully picks the item up by the neck with only a couple fingers

"Son of a bitch," she growls in a shaky voice and he scans her vitals, noting that her heart rate has just skyrocketed. "Next time I'm shooting his dick off. I'd be doing the world a favor."

She stalks towards the stairs while Ironhide looks up 'dick' in reference to the male anatomy. He cringes to himself when he realizes it would be like having his interface appliance shot off and he silently thanks Primus that she's not a femme with weapons to match her temper. She places the nearly empty bottle on the stairs before returning to the truck and climbing back inside the mech, fairly radiating her anger as she puts him into gear.

She turns off the engine as soon as she has him back in place and then takes a deep shuddering breath. She keeps a hold of the steering wheel with a death grip while she leans her head against that circle. He checks her vitals again and notices that her heart rate is still elevated and her breathing is a bit irregular.

"If he had hurt you...," she starts as she relaxes her fingers.

_Not very well likely,_ he grumbles to himself. _Not that the little slaggard didn't try. Though it was a pathetic attempt._

About a minute later she calms down enough to get out and then uses the flashlight to examine him as carefully as she can, running her hands over him to try and find any hidden flaws.

_You're smearing your fingerprints all over my paint job, _he snarls silently.

"It doesn't look like he did any damage, but I'll have to check you again in the morning when there's more light," she tells him as she completes her circuit around him.

_Why are you always talking to me?_ He asks irritably. _It is not like I am going to answer you._

"I swear I'm going to move that damn work bench tomorrow even if I have to take a hacksaw to it and take it apart piece by piece," she states fervently as she goes to stand in front of him and places her hand on his grill. "I need you in one piece and I just can't chance that jackass coming back and damaging or stealing you. And goddess help me, I'm beginning to even like you."

He stares in shock at the petite woman standing in front of him, sure that his audio receptors need to be checked. There is no way she said that she likes him. Primus doesn't hate him that much. Does he?

"Goodnight, Ironhide," she says with a gentle pat to his grill.

With that, she heads back inside leaving behind a completely shell shocked Cybertronian in her wake.

* * *

She stands staring at the workbench, the toolbox laying on the ground just inside the entrance to the parking shed where it had been dropped earlier. She looks over at the back wall where the bench had been the day before and then back to the large table that's sitting off to the side. She's too stunned by the sudden relocation of the workbench to notice that a certain black truck is shaking with suppressed mirth.

She goes over and checks the floor, but there are no scrape marks from it being dragged to it's new position. She steps up to the table and attempts to lift it but isn't the least bit surprised when she can't budge it. She moves back and goes from staring at the workbench to the place it had previously occupied for a couple more minutes before shaking her head and exiting the small building.

"Ok, first, let's get you parked and then it'll be time to move the Energizer juice again," she tells him as she heads for the driver's side door and he barely manages not to laugh at her.

As she's reaching for the door handle, a glint of something metallic reflects the midmorning sunlight and she turns to look at it better. She cautiously moves closer to the object and when she can clearly see what it is, she starts some really creative swearing. She bends over and gingerly picks up the switchblade knife between two fingers.

"I swear, if I ever see that bastard again, I'm going to cut off his dick with his own knife and then feed it to him," she snarls as she straightens up.

She takes the knife up to the porch and drops it next to the bottle from last night and the baseball bat she found earlier when she came out to give Ironhide a thorough going over. She comes stomping down the steps, but her slight weight isn't enough to make enough noise to drowned out the sound of engines coming up the road. Ironhide does a quick scan and nearly growls out loud when he recognizes the driver in the lead car.

She pauses in her descent, looking towards the road and watches as Dennis's truck and a police SUV pull up and she starts some more creative swearing under her breath. Ironhide glances over at Alex and sees her hands balled into fists, a scowl on her face and she's trembling with rage. He doesn't even bother scanning her, knowing full well that her heart rate has probably hit an all time high. Within seconds of parking, Dennis gets out of his vehicle and then runs over to the police man as the older man casually exits his Explorer.

"There it is, officer," Dennis nearly yells, pointing a finger at Ironhide. "There's the robot."

The cop leans back slightly and a small frown creases his brow as he looks from the young man in front of him to the large black truck quietly sitting by the cabin. Ironhide watches them bemusedly, noting that the name pinned to the officer's shirt says 'P. Lewis', while the policeman puts a calming hand on Dennis's shoulder.

"Now take it easy, son," Lewis says soothingly. "Why don't you tell me everything from the beginning."

"Well, yesterday, I came up here for some quality alone time with my girl and she said it wasn't a good time," Dennis starts as Lewis gently herds Dennis closer to the cabin. "So, I came back later to spend some time with my girlfriend..."

"_Ex_-girlfriend," Alex snarls through clenched teeth. "And I'd like to point out that he wasn't invited and I told to leave and never come back."

"I'll get to you in a moment, miss," Lewis assures her before turning his attention back to Dennis. "Please continue."

"Well, I show up all ready to have a good time and then that _thing_ attacked me!" Dennis shouts, pointing at the truck again.

"What thing?" the Lewis asks.

"THAT!" Dennis screams, taking a couple steps towards Ironhide and then thinks better of moving any closer to the mech.

"Is it in the shed?" Lewis inquires, moving to see into the aforementioned building.

"NO!" Dennis yells in frustration. "It's right there! The truck! It's really a monster!"

"The truck...is a monster?" Lewis questions. "I thought you said you were attacked by a robot?"

"I was!" Dennis shouts. "It turned into a monster robot! It was like fifty feet tall and it had fangs and it was spitting poison at me!"

_How over energized were you last night, you little slaggard?_ Ironhide amusedly wonders.

He turns his attention back to Alex when he hears her make a strange strangled sound and he can see she's got her hand over her mouth.

"Alright, miss, perhaps you could give me your version of the story," Lewis suggests as he moves closer to the cabin. "Let's start with your name."

"My name is Alexandra Williams," Alex replies and Ironhide can hear her trying not to laugh as she talks. "Yesterday afternoon, Dennis arrived here uninvited, made several rude and lecherous suggestions, I told him to leave, he then threatened to damage the truck, I then got out my shotgun and chased him off."

"She nearly shot my foot off!" Dennis yells.

"Around one this morning I was woken out of a sound sleep by what sounded like a woman screaming," she continues as if Dennis hadn't spoken. "By the time I got outside, there was no one around, but the truck had been moved out onto the road."

"That's because it walked there!" Dennis shouts as Alex heads back up onto the porch.

"Young man, I will place you in handcuffs and put you in the back of my car if you are not quiet," Lewis warns while Alex retrieves the whiskey bottle, again holding it with only two fingers.

"At any rate, when I went to move the truck out of the road, I found this in front of the cabin," she says as she walks over to the railing and places the Jack Daniel's bottle on the wooden beam, the morning sun making the inch or so of amber liquid nearly glow.

"And it's not yours?" Lewis confirms.

"I didn't bring any type of alcohol with me and even if I did, I don't drink whiskey," she responds as she goes back and retrieves the other two items. "This morning I found these."

She brings the baseball bat and switchblade knife to Lewis, holding them with nothing more than a couple of fingers each. The police officer quickly takes out an handkerchief out of his pocket and wraps it around the knife before taking it from her and then delicately relieves her of the bat. Lewis turns to Dennis who has a slightly panicked look on his face, almost like a cornered animal

"Those aren't mine," Dennis hurriedly states.

Before anyone can say or do anything else, Dennis races towards his car, jumps in and then takes off down the road.

"The road ends at a lake a couple miles down the road," she states. "You can always dust these and the bottle for fingerprints, but I'm thinking action speaks louder than words."

"Yup," Lewis sighs. "Unless you want to press charges, there's really no point."

"I'd rather not," she tells him. "I'm sure you can get him for a few other things."

"Filing a false report to start," he replies. "Reckless driving is another. I'll take these and the bottle in case you change your mind."

"Thank you," she responds.

The next couple of minutes are spent with the humans getting everything taken care of and just as Lewis is sliding behind the wheel, they hear an engine being pushed to the max approaching. Lewis quickly gets out of his vehicle and he and Alex move away from the road at a run. A moment later Dennis comes careening down the road, a huge cloud of dust behind him.

He tries to pass the parked SUV, but both vehicles are just to big for the narrow dirt road and they can hear as he tries to make it past the parked car. The screeching of metal being rubbed against metal makes the humans visibly cringe and causes the birds in the surrounding trees to take flight. The back bumpers catch on each other, causing the truck to abruptly stop. Dennis floors it, sending dirt and rocks flying all over the SUV and with another shriek of metal being tortured, the bumpers of both vehicles give way as he fishtails down the road.

"Oh, I'm so going to enjoy taking him down," Lewis growls as he dashes back towards his car.

Alex leans against Ironhide as she watches Lewis call in Dennis and she's smirking to herself. A few minutes later the officer is out of his vehicle again with a camera in his hand. He takes several shots of his damaged car and of the road from a variety of angles before putting the camera away.

He makes sure that the bumper won't become a hazard by trying to push part of it back in place. Though it doesn't move all that much, it moves enough to satisfy him. He comes over to Alex and they spend the next several minutes with her giving her account of the accident. Once he has everything he needs, he gets back in his car and drives away with a wave. Alex waves back before turning and climbing up into Ironhide's cab.

"Ok, beast, let's get you put away," she says as she turns the key in the ignition.

After some careful maneuvering, she finally gets him parked in the shed with a sigh of relief that he now is completely inside. She has to squirm her way out of him since she can't open his door all the way, but since she's not all that big, it's really not a problem. She starts to leave but stops right before she gets outside and looks back at him.

"You know, if you really were a giant robot, it would explain a few things," she muses with an amused smirk.

_If you only knew,_ he chuckles to himself.

He watches her as she swings the doors shut to the shed and he lowers himself down on his struts with relief. No more dust and dirt getting blown into his joints and gears, no more worrying about birds leaving little presents on him and no more having to deal with her talking to him. He's one happy mech until he hears her slide the chain through the door handles followed by click.

_She did not..., _he furiously thinks as he scans the doors to the shed and nearly drops his crank shaft.

She's locked him in.


	18. Back at Home

**Author's Notes: ** Sorry about the wait. Life and a stubborn muse do not make a good combo. At any rate, here's the latest round of Autobot fun, so please enjoy. And as always, a super nova sized thank you to all of my reviewers. You're the reason I write.

* * *

Optimus concentrates on the circuitry board he's working on, tuning out the voices of Mikaela and Ratchet in the next area over as they work on Jazz. He's trying to put together some sort of communication device that's a bit more reliable and stronger than their internal ones. Especially for communicating to their comrades still out in space. With the Arc stuck in orbit on the far side of the moon, they don't even have the supplies they need to get the job done right.

He finishes soldering another part together and then looks at his handiwork. He has to admit that Sam was right when the boy said it's like he's trying to make a super computer out of chewing gum and bailing wire. He knows what he's supposed to do to get the communicator up and running, but with a lack of resources and with very little experience of his own, it's pretty much hopeless.

He thinks of all of the engineers he left behind on Cybertron and wonders why he didn't bring at least one of them with him. He cycles air through his vents as he stares at the item in his hand and knows it only vaguely resembles what it's supposed to be. He silently prays to Primus that there are more Autobots out there and that Hound is only the first of many.

As if on cue, he receives a data burst from Hound and he gladly opens it, happy to have some sort of distraction from his work. After the standard greeting and report, Hound gives him some very welcome news that nearly has Optimus cheering. Then Hound gives him the rest of the information and all Optimus can do is groan as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

He wonders if he's just doomed this planet and its inhabitants even though Megatron is dead and gone.

* * *

"Any luck?" she asks as she looks over his shoulder.

"Maggie, do you have any idea how many cars there are in Tranquility?" he demands, looking up at his pretty blond friend.

"Thousands," she replies while she looks at the satellite photo on the computer monitor. "But there should be only one yellow and black concept Camaro, Glen."

"Hundreds of thousands," he huffs as he turns back to his computer. "Bumblebee isn't too hard to find as long as he's parked in front of Sam's house, but I tried following him one time using one of the satellites. Everything was going fine and then I must have blinked or something because suddenly they weren't there any more!"

"Did you have permission to use that satellite?" she asks, a smile pulling at her lips since she already knows the answer.

"I only borrowed it for a little bit," he mumbles. "Besides, the president wants them found."

"Keller said to look for them," she agrees as she sits down in a nearby chair. "But from what I understand, unless the president specifically orders us to find them using any means possible, we're not to try _too_ hard."

"But...," he stutters in confusion.

"The Autobots helped save our world, Glen," she reminds him. "The least we can do is give them time to try and fix the one that got torn in two...or at least give them time to morn his death."

"Jazz," he quietly says a few moments later. "I think his name was Jazz."

"Yea, I think your right," she softly responds and they sit in silence for a while longer.

"So what brings you to my bat cave?" he inquires, trying to lighten the mood. "Get tired of discrediting everyone who says that Mission City wasn't a terrorist attack?"

"I need to go over the images of Tranquility for the past few weeks," she tells him as she gets up and moves over to another computer in the room.

"What for?" he questions.

"Ironhide is missing," she answers as she starts to bring the computer up.

"Uh oh," he mutters.

"Yea," she agrees while her fingers start to fly over the keyboard. "It'll be an even bigger 'uh oh' if I can't find him and fast."

"Lennox is back in Qatar isn't he?" he asks. "Maybe Ironhide's hanging out with the other bots."

"Yea, that could be," she responds. "But until we know for sure, I've got to look for him."

"So, I'm supposed to keep an eye on Bumblebee and try to find the rest of the bots and you've got to try and find Ironhide," he says.

"Yup," she replies as the first images start to come up.

"Welcome to project Needle in a Haystack," he jokes.

"No kidding," she mutters as she starts the tedious task of trying to find the large black truck.

* * *

"You know, it's not very nice to keep chuckling over poor Ironhide's luck," she points out as she finishes welding a crack closed on Jazz's spark case, hiding her own smile behind the welding mask.

"Well, he did insist on getting shelter and she gave it to him," he chortles while he carefully examines her work. "If I am not mistaken, you humans have a saying about wishes and being the recipients of them."

"Be careful for what you wish for, you might just get it," she tells him as she sits back and turns down the flame on the torch. "How's that?"

"It looks very good," he answers a moment later. "If this holds as well as I think it will, we will be able to get all of the cracks fixed without having to remove the casing from Jazz's chest. I never like doing that, too many things can go wrong."

"Do you want me to start working on the other cracks now?" she asks as she pushes the mask up to look at the mech standing over her.

"Let us see how this one holds up once it cools down," he replies and she turns off the torch and then the gas tanks. "I have another project I would like you to get started on. Is there something I can do for you, Optimus?"

"I was wondering how the repairs on Jazz were coming along," Optimus responds as he walks towards the table with Jazz on it. "Hello, Mikaela."

"Hi, Optimus," she greets as the large red and blue mech steps up to the table.

"The repairs are progressing quite nicely thanks to my new assistant," Ratchet replies while he takes the welding tools and returns them to their proper place.

"That is good to hear," Optimus responds as he lays his hand down palm up next to Mikaela and motions her to get on.

She complies and settles down on his hand without question, though she's a bit confused about why Optimus wants to pick her up. The giant mech carefully lifts her and then cradles her next to his massive chest as he moves away from the table and more importantly, Ratchet.

"Optimus, where are you going with Mikaela?" Ratchet demands, less than amused to see his little helper being taken away.

"I just received a communication from Hound," Optimus starts, not looking Ratchet in the optics. "More Autobots have joined him in orbit."

"That is good," Ratchet replies as he starts to move towards the other two. "How many? Who are they?"

"There are just two more," Optimus answers and his free hand comes up to shelter Mikaela.

"Oh? Which ones?" Ratchet asks.

Optimus doesn't look at his medic or respond to him and Mikaela could swear that he actually looks sad and worried at the same time.

"Which two, Optimus?" Ratchet growls suspiciously after nearly a minute of silence.

Optimus still doesn't answer him and instead looks down at the young human in his hands who's staring back at him in confusion.

"Please tell me it is Red Alert about to go into a full panic attack and Wheeljack with one of his inventions that is about to blast us all into atoms," Ratchet begs.

Optimus just shakes his head as he takes a step away from his CMO.

"Then please let it be Blurr and Bluestreak with their vocalizers set on fast forward and no way to turn them off," Ratchet nearly whimpers.

Again, Optimus shakes his head and turns his body slightly to shield Mikaela in case the CMO starts throwing things. Completely confused by what's going on, Mikaela stands up to peer over the hand that's shielding her from Ratchet.

"Not _them_," Ratchet whispers in horror. "Please, let it be anyone but _them_."

"I am sorry, Ratchet," Optimus quietly responds and Ratchet makes a noise that has Mikaela covering her ears and Optimus cringing.

The resulting crash is heard blocks away.

* * *

He huffs in frustration at the blurry image in front of him while he tries to compare it to his memory of The Truck. He wishes he had taken more pictures of that big black truck his sister borrowed, but there's nothing he can do about it now. He just knows that there's something up with it and one way or another, he's going to find out what it is.

He doesn't know how many hours he's spent trying to match that symbol, but he knows that it's not from any known car designer. The tricky part has been doing it while his parents aren't looking since they seem to think that the computer should only be used for doing homework. Luckily, his parents are off to another doctor appointment for his dad and his homework sits forgotten in his backpack as he tries to find some sort of match to that symbol.

The closest he's come so far is a picture of a cop car, but the symbol on it looks more arrow like than the squarish one that was on the back of The Truck. He figures some joker decided to dress up his Mustang just to scare people and the guy probably has some real authority issues. Why else would the words _'To Punish and Enslave'_ be written on the side of the car?

He pushes the memories of that vehicle out of his mind and stares at the fuzzy image before him. The guy who posted it claims that the picture was taken during the terrorist attack on Mission City a few months back and that a large black truck came zooming down the street with no one behind the wheel. If that isn't weird enough, the guy also claims that the truck transformed into a giant robot at high speed, leaping over a woman as it did so.

He tries to compare the out of focus picture of the truck in question and his memory of The Truck that Alex is borrowing. He has to admit the size and color looks about right and there appear to be smoke stacks just like The Truck, but other than that, he's having a hard time making sure. The truck in the picture seems to be oddly distorted in a few places, especially around the fenders.

He tries to zoom in and out in hopes that changing the size of the image will help out, though it really doesn't make much of a difference. He even plays with the color balance and the contrast to see if that will help, but he's still left with an out of focus, slightly distorted picture of a large black truck. Maybe if he...

**BANG!**

Tommy manages not to yelp in surprise at the sound of the front door slamming open and quickly bookmarks the page he found, hiding it among the bookmarks he uses to help with his homework. Then he gets to work clearing all of the cookies off of his browser and then closing the window before anyone can come in and see what he's working on. He barely manages to get his work out of his backpack and everything set up before his father sticks his head in the den to see what he's doing.

"Hi, Dad," Tommy cheerfully greets, causing his father's eyes to narrow at him. "How'd your appointment go?"

"Dandy," John grumbles as he readjusts himself on his crutches. "She pokes me and asks me if that hurts. What did she expect me to say? That it tickled?"

"All right, John," Ruby gently chides as she catches up with her brother. "Let the boy get his homework done. I'll make you a nice cup of tea and then you can take a nap."

"I'm not a kid anymore, Ruby," John grouses as she gently herds him away from his son. "I don't need naps."

"Yes, dear, I know," she patiently replies, careful of her injured brother. "Now come along."

John continues his complaining as Ruby leads him away and Tommy lets out a sigh of relief once they're out of earshot. His parents are only slightly more tolerant of his theories than his sister, but that doesn't mean they won't ground him for life if they find him not doing his homework. With a quiet groan, he turns his attention to his books and gets a start on his homework. But in the back of his mind, he's still going over that picture of the big black truck in Mission City.

* * *

"I tell ya, Bee, my mom is going to drive me crazy with this applying for college stuff," Sam grumbles as he slouches down in the driver seat.

"She does seem to be a bit...enthusiastic...about the whole process," Bee chuckles as they pull through the hologram that surrounds the warehouse the Autobots have been using, disguising it as still being abandoned. "At least you were able to get away again."

"Yeah," Sam sighs as they pull into the warehouse and Bee stops, allowing Sam to get out. "Telling her I have to do some research in the library is working for now. But sooner or later she's going to figure out that I can do all of this supposed research on the computer."

"Then you had better get through this application process quickly or come up with an even better excuse to get out of the house," Bee points out just before he transforms into his bipedal form.

Sam looks up at his large metallic friend and opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by an unholy electronic shriek followed by something large and heavy hitting the ground. Bee wastes no time running towards the medical bay with Sam in hot pursuit. Bee slides into the room with battle mask down and canon armed and ready, but stops dead with what he sees before him.

"Nooooooooooo," Ratchet whines, down on his hands and knees and starting to bang his head against the ground. "Anybody but _them_."

"Sir?" Bee questions, turning towards his superior with a confused look on his face while Ratchet continues his head banging.

"Hound just sent me a message stating that two more of our kind have joined him in orbit," Optimus answers, keeping a cautious optic on Sam, but the boy has the good sense to stay behind Bee.

"Who, sir?" Bee inquires as his weapons power down and his battle mask retracts.

"Sunstreaker and Sideswipe," Optimus says, much to the confusion of the humans there.

"Really?" Bee asks excitedly.

"Do not even begin to process it, youngling," Ratchet snarls as he starts to get up off of the floor. "It is bad enough those two Pit begotten spawns will be here, but I will not have you joining those miscreants in whatever mayhem they will be getting into. I do _not_ look forward to all of the repairs I will be performing on them every other day and I will _not_ have you added to the casualty list."

"I am not a youngling anymore," Bee huffs with indignation.

"Um, excuse me?" Sam calls from his spot not that far from Bumblebee's foot and everyone turns their attention towards him. "Are Sunswipe and Sidestreaker Autobots or Decepticons?"

"It is Sunstreaker and Sideswipe and they are Autobots," Optimus replies as he moves closer to the boy and puts Mikaela down next to him. "They are excellent warriors and we are very lucky to have them on our side."

"If you call the mischief those two cause lucky," Ratchet grumbles as he stalks back over towards Jazz and flips a tarp over his remains. "Mikaela, thank you for your help. I will see you tomorrow."

Before anyone can say anything else, Ratchet stomps out of the area and a moment later they can hear him transform. The sound of Ratchet vacating the warehouse leaves everyone stunned and Optimus a bit sad, though he expected the medic's reaction to be a lot more...volatile. He looks down at the humans and realizes that it's probably thanks to their presence that Ratchet was as calm as he was.

"Bumblebee, please take the children home," Optimus instructs as he starts to follow Ratchet. "I shall go and find Ratchet and calm him down."

"Yes, sir," Bee replies and a moment later they hear the sound of a transformation before a diesel engine roars to life.

"I'll go get changed," Mikaela states as she heads off to her little dressing area.

A few minutes later, a bright yellow Camero eases past the holographic emitters while the passengers inside are regaled with stories of the only know set of existing Cybertronian twins.


	19. The Tormenting Continues

**Author's Notes: ** ARG! I'm really sorry about the delay. My only excuse is that Facebook has eaten my brain. A Primus sized thank you to everyone who has reviewed, listed this story or me as a favorite and/or put this on your story/author alert list. You guys are the absolute best!

* * *

He finds the Ratchet at the overlook that not too long ago Bumblebee had led them to. He's sunk so far down that the Hummer almost looks like one of those vehicles some adolescent males favor and it takes Optimus a moment to look up the term: low rider. He carefully pulls along side the medic and waits, watching the sun slowly lower itself towards the horizon.

"Why did it have to be _them_, Optimus?" Ratchet softly asks some time later, the sky a brilliant shade of red from the setting sun now. "Why couldn't it have been Prowl or First Aid or..."

"Or?" Optimus gently prompts when the CMO has been silent for some time.

"Or the femmes," Ratchet barely whispers. "I would even be willing to put up with Chromia at her crankiest."

Optimus doesn't reply right away as images of a certain dusty rose colored femme play through his CPU briefly only to be replace with memories of a gun happy femme. He smiles fondly to himself at the only femme to actually intimidate Ironhide. The confirmed bachelor never stood a chance once that femme set her sights on him.

"I, too, wish that the femmes would arrive safely," Optimus finally admits, the sky darkening as the last rays of the sun disappear beyond the horizon. "With the Allspark gone, they are our only hope for our species. But whether they arrive or not, does not change what is. We must deal with the here and now and that includes Hound and the twins."

"Did you put Hound in charge of those two miscreants?" Ratchet inquires discontentedly.

"Of course," Optimus answers, the first stars start to appear. "Putting one twin in charge of the other is a recipe for disaster. Besides, I'll be a good learning experience for Hound."

"I'll be sure to send my condolences to him," Ratchet grumbles as he pushes his alternate form back to its proper height. "I had better go start stocking up on supplies. Primus knows that I'll be going through them at record speed once those two arrive."

With that, Ratchet's engine roars to life and he slowly pulls away. Once he's gone, Optimus transforms into his bipedal form and stares off into space in contemplative silence. He remembers all those he was forced to leave behind, comrades, friends and the one who calls to his spark and he wonders who among them has survived. Realizing that there are more constructive things he could be doing, he transforms and rolls out.

* * *

She happily hums to herself as she goes about making herself a bowl of cereal. She knows that soon she'll be living on boxed soy milk and after that, powdered, so she intends to enjoy every drop until the fresh stuff is gone. She sits down at the small kitchen table and gladly digs in.

She's contentedly munching away when her sight lands on the piece of paper with the instructions for Ironhide on it. She still can't believe that Sarah was able to talk her into taking that monstrosity on wheels. For lack of anything better to do, she picks the sheet up and starts to read it again.

She skims over the nicely typed page, not really taking in anything new and then she notices that there's writing on the back. Doing a mental head smack, she flips it over and reads what appears to be a hastily scrawled note. After spending a couple of minutes trying to read what has to be Will's, for lack of a better term, handwriting, her spoon slips out of her nerveless fingers into the now empty bowl with a loud clatter.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," she says in disbelief.

* * *

_When will humans learn how to take clear pictures? _Ironhide grumbles to himself.

Out of shear boredom, he's been searching the web on the Mission City battle. He's found a few things, most notably a picture of himself at the start of his transformation. It might be a nice picture, if it was in focus.

As he's contemplating what to do about this photo, he hears his own personal tormentor come out of the cabin. Knowing that it's not time for his Energon, he ignores her and returns to what he's doing. A moment later, he hears her unlocking the shed door which is swung wide open a few seconds later.

Not trusting her any further than he could drop kick Megatron, he turns his full attention to her and watches her carefully. He hears her grumbling about something being the most ridiculous thing to be doing with her morning while she pulls the plastic tarps out of where she had stored them off to the side. Bemusedly, he continues to observe her as she lays the tarps down on the ground just outside the shed.

_What are you up to, Pit spawn?_ He silently asks as she goes about collecting things out of the shed.

* * *

It's stuck there. He can't help it. Not that he's really tried to remove it. It feels too good to want to get rid of it.

"If you're through daydreaming, you might want to make that second phone call," Epps goads with a gentle punch to the arm of the smiling man that's sharing a tent with him.

"I can't believe it," Will replies, only half paying attention to what's being said to him.

"Listen, stud, if you don't call 'Hide to see how he's doing, you might not want to go home," Bobby quietly points out.

"Not want to go home?" Will demands, finally pulling his head out of the clouds and turning his attention to the man next to him. "Why wouldn't I want to go home? Sarah's..."

Bobby cocks an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, right, ticked off Autobot living in the garage makes for a not so pleasant existence," Will reminds himself. "You want to talk to him too?"

"Sure, why not?" Bobby replies

Will picks up the cell phone he was given as a way to stay in contact with the Autobots off of his cot where it had fallen after the last call and scrolls through the names until he gets to Ironhide's. He hits the send button, puts it on speaker phone and then waits for the call to connect. As he sits there, his thoughts turn back to the phone call he just had with his wife and that goofy smile slips back onto his face.

* * *

_I have to say this is unexpected,_ he muses to himself as he watches her fill a bucket with soapy water using the hose.

He didn't know what to expect when she first started this project and he was even a bit concerned when she moved him. But now that he's parked on top of the tarps and he can see the sponge floating in the bucket like a yellow island in a sea of bubbles, he's actually looking forward to getting washed. The dust that's settled on his armor isn't so bad, but the bugs splattered across his windshield and grill have got to go.

As soon as the bucket is full, she turns the hose on him and it takes a bit of effort on his part not to move. While the water isn't heated to a temperature he likes, at least it's only hitting his armor that isn't as sensitive to temperature as other areas. As if she can read his CPU, she changes her target.

_Holy Primus that's cold!_ He silently gasps as the pressurized stream knocks the larger chunks of dirt and grime out of his wheel well, dripping onto his more sensitive axle.

After enduring that for a few moments, she releases the nozzle on the hose, automatically turning the water off. He's glad that torment is over and then she grabs the sponge, slaps it against his side and starts to wash him none to gently. Wishing he could direct her actions, but not daring to, he sits and submits to her ministrations.

She works on him, getting the dirt, grime and bugs off for more than an hour. Despite the fact that she's climbing all over him and the water is icy cold, he's been sort of enjoying the experience with her deft little fingers getting into those hard to reach places. Another blast into his wheel well is less than pleasant, but then she reaches in and starts to wash just as a call comes in.

* * *

"Yes?" a gruff voice answers.

"Hey, 'Hide, it's Will," Will cheerfully greets.

"_YOU!"_ 'Hide snarls. "You're to blame for this indignity!"

"'Hide, I tried...," Will attempts to say.

"Have you any idea what I've been through!?" the Autobot demands loudly, much to Bobby's amusement.

"'Hide, I...," Will feebly starts.

"I'll tell you what that little Pit spawn has done," Ironhide snarls while Bobby mouths 'pit spawn?' while Will shrugs. "It's not bad enough that she treats me like an object...."

"'Hide, to her, you're just a truck," Will points out.

"That's no excuse!" 'Hide snaps as Bobby bites his lip to keep from laughing. "She wakes me out of a sound recharge before the sun has come up, straps her mangy teddy bear into my passenger seat and then lets out the most unholy shrieking all the way up here! She didn't give me shelter for two days and if I hadn't helped, I'd probably be still collecting dust in front of this pitiful building she's staying in. And don't even get me started on the trip to the lake."

"What happened at the lake?" Will asks, knowing he doesn't really want to know and Bobby grabs his pillow and stuffs his face into it.

"She used me as a drying rack and a...a...," Ironhide starts.

"And a what?" Will prompts, though he's pretty sure he can guess and he studiously ignores his tent mate as the other man silently laughs over on his own cot.

"A sunning berth," 'Hide softly snarls and Bobby nearly falls on the floor. "Are you aware that she has a tattoo?"

"I believe Sarah mentioned it to me once," Will answers, pretty much praying that the camp will get attacked so he can end this call. "It's not something you can see if she has any clothes on."

"Exactly," 'Hide growls, low and menacing. "It's on her chest, just above her heart, in case you're wondering."

"Not really," Will weakly responds. "But she's given you shelter now and she's been giving you your Energon, right?"

"Yes," 'Hide hisses.

"I left her a note to wash you before putting you in the shed," Will continues. "Has she done that?"

"Actually she's doing it right now," Ironhide grumbles discontentedly.

"Well, that's good," Will states, trying to sound chipper.

"Real good," the Autobot suddenly purrs.

"'Hide?" Will worriedly calls, concerned about the bot's sudden change in disposition.

"Oh, yes, right there," 'Hide moans in delight.

"Umm...," Will stammers.

"That's it, harder," Ironhide groans and Bobby can't take it any more and bolts out of the tent.

"I have to go now, 'Hide," Will states, a touch of desperation in his voice and he can hear Bobby laughing his head off outside.

"You owe me, Lennox," Ironhide snaps and then his voice drops back into a purr. "Oh, Primus, yes!"

Will can't disconnect fast enough.

* * *

"So, now what do we do?" the red bot demands.

"We wait," the green one responds, looking up at the planet they will soon call home.

"I'm bored," the yellow bot grumbles. "Why do we have to stay here? I'm getting dust on my paint job. Who left you in charge anyways, Hound?"

"Well, if Sides hadn't decided to mess with those satellites, we could still be in orbit over the planet," Hound points out congenially. "As it is, Prime feels it's best that I be in charge until we meet up with them."

"I don't see what the big deal is," Sides mutters. "I was just having a bit of fun."

"We're supposed to be in hiding," Hound points out. "Rearranging the satellites and then posing in front of that telescope's lens is not hiding."

"This place is so lifeless," Sunstreaker gripes as he kicks a rock so hard that it goes floating off into space. "It's just a dusty, gray rock and the dust is getting all over my paint job."

"Well, it is just a moon," Hound states. "The humans are quite fond of it though. There are many myths and legends about the moon's creation. The poems that wax poetic about it are really quite interesting."

"The only wax I'm interested in is the type I use to buff my armor," Sunny huffs. "They do have wax, don't they? Not just the poetic stuff."

"Oh yes," Hound answers. "You can look it up on the World Wide Web. Just look up 'car wax' and you should be able to find quite the selection."

"Hey, yea, not bad," Sunny says, he mood picking up. "There might be hope for this planet after all."

"I'm glad you approve," Hound chuckles, turning his optics back to the blue and green orb in the sky. "Sides, please leave the humans' things alone. Optimus wouldn't appreciate hearing how you messed up one of their most historic sites."

"I was just looking," Sides mumbles as he quickly pulls away from small flag stuck in the ground.

"You look with your optics, not your hands," Hound replies, never even bothering to turn around and look at the red bot.

"So, what do we do now?" Sides asks a short time later as he slouches back over to the other two.

"I'm bored," Sunny grumbles a second later.

"Why don't you two tell me what you've been doing since you left Cybertron?" Hound suggests excitedly, turning to face them again. "What worlds did you see? Did you meet any new species?"

"Oh, Primus," Sides moans.

"We're doomed," Sunny groans.

* * *

"You planning on coming out?" Bobby asks, sticking his head back in the tent after finally managing to get himself under control.

"No," is Will's muffled reply.

"Come on, it's not that bad," Bobby says as he steps the rest of the way into the tent.

"Not that bad?" Will demands, finally rolling over onto his back and staring at his friend. "I learned where Alex has her tattoo, something I was very happy never knowing and I'm never, _ever_, washing Ironhide ever again."

"He did seem to be enjoying his bath," Bobby muses, trying not to laugh and only just managing it, though there's a smile firmly planted on his lips.

"Dear God!" Will exclaims. "I don't even want to know where she was touching him."

"Chow's ready," Bobby states as comes over to Will and holds his hand out. "Let's get some grub and then we can see if they've been able to locate that pile of junk we were sent out here to take care of."

"Fine," Will grumbles as he grabs the offered hand and lets Bobby pull him to his feet. "With my luck, the blasted thing's probably half way to Cairo."

Without another word, the two men make their way across the camp, headed for the mess hall. Will is still so stunned from that last phone call, he doesn't notice that the place seems suspiciously empty. Bobby drops back a couple steps and lets Will go in first as they get to the door and no sooner does the captain step into that large tent then he's shocked out his revelry.

The cheering, cat calls and wolf whistles startle him at first, but then he sees the banner across the back wall. "CONGRATULATIONS CAPTAIN STUD MUFFIN!" it reads and with narrowed eyes, Will glares at Bobby. Bobby's only response is to grin, his teeth appearing all the whiter against his dark skin.

"You're a dead man," Will snarls into Bobby's ear.

"I had to tell them something when they saw me laughing," Bobby replies, yelling to be heard over the shouting and whistling. "It was tell them about Sarah or Ironhide's bath."

Will just glares at him and then moves farther into the tent, glad that the noise is finally starting to die down.

"Captain Stud Muffin?" Will finally asks as they get into the chow line.

"It was that or Captain Semen," Bobby tells him shrug. "I thought Captain Stud Muffin was a bit classier."

"And nothing says class like a cartoon of a bunch of sperm yelling 'CHARGE!' and charging after an egg wearing a negligee," Will retorts, pointing at said drawing on the banner.

"You can blame Specialist Skippy for that one," Bobby replies, still smiling.

"He's not the only one I'm going to blame," Will grumbles as he picks up his tray and makes his way down the grub line.


	20. What's that Rattle?

**Author's Notes: ** Well, I went and saw the new Transformers movie yesterday. I have to say I was entertained, but if you go in expecting it to be the least bit faithful to the comics or cartoons, you are going to be disappointed. Also, it helps to leave your brain at home. It's mindless fun with lots of things blowing up and if you look very carefully, you'll even find a plot hiding in there somewhere. It's probably in Megan Fox's cleavage. I'll try to write this story so that it sort of leads into the movie, but considering what Michael Bay did, it will only be sort of a lead in.

Kudos to ArmoredSoul and Sulimeth for recognizing my 'Specialist Skippy' reference to skippyslist(dot)com (the 213 things Skippy can no longer do in the army). The site is very funny, but Skippy has repeatedly stated that he hates fanfiction writers, so this is my way of tweaking his nose.

Also, yes Zak's-blood13, Captain Stud Muffin knocked up his wife just before returning to Qatar.

* * *

With a final swipe of the drying cloth, she slams the driver's side door close and hears a muffled 'tink'. Frowning, she opens the door again and carefully examines the door frame and the door. Finding nothing amiss, she shuts the door again and once more there's a muffled 'tink'.

Ironhide has been ignoring her for some time, enjoying the warm sun on his now clean armor when her opening and shutting his door finally drags his attention back to the little beast. She's repeatedly opening and closing his door and he's getting ready to 'accidentally' push her with his door. Then he hears a strange 'tink' when she slams the door shut.

He quickly starts checking himself for anything wrong with his door frame or the edge of his door and is unable to find anything out of place. He starts to wonder where the sound is coming from and then she vigorously shakes his door. There's a distinct rattling sound when she does this and he runs a self diagnostic on the door.

_Slag,_ he grumbles to himself. _Ratchet's going to weld my cannons to my head for this._

"Shit," she grumbles out loud as she slams the door shut. "Will's going to have kittens."

_Ouch!_ He silently complains when something hits a sensitive circuit in his door. _That hurt. What the Pit is in there?_

She stomps off into the shed and he ignores her once more. Instead of paying her any mind, his attention on his door and whatever is causing the noise. He carefully tries to diagnose what's wrong, but he can't seem to find anything.

While he's trying to figure what's up with his door, she heads back towards him. He barely even notices her as he attempts to find the source of the problem. It's not until she's opening his door again that he notice she's got some tools and a small flashlight in her hand.

_What are you up to, you little Pit-spawn?_ He silently growls.

Once she's got his door all of the way open, she drops the tools onto the floor of the cab, picks a likely screwdriver up and then finds one of the screws holding the door panel in place. It takes her a few tries to find a screwdriver that'll fit the screws, but as soon as she does, she starts working on removing the panel.

_'Ironhide to Optimus Prime,'_ Ironhide desperately calls. _ 'Ironhide to Ratchet.'_

_'Yes, Ironhide, what is it?'_ Optimus calmly responds.

_'Ratchet here,' _Ratchet grumpily replies. _'What's the problem this time? Did she get moisturizer on your seats?'_

_'She's taking my door panel off,'_ Ironhide snaps and sends them both a live feed of what he's seeing.

_'Why in Primus's name is she doing that?'_ Optimus demands and Ironhide mumbles something.

_'Care to run that past us one more time?' _Ratchet growls.

_'There's something causing a rattle in my door and I think she's going after it,' _Ironhide mutters.

_'Let me guess, you've got a screw loose,'_ Ratchet jokes, obviously amused with himself and it takes Ironhide a moment to figure out what he's talking about.

_'Ha ha, you are too funny,' _Ironhide retorts in his most sardonic tone.

_'Ironhide, why did you call us?' _Optimus asks, putting an end to their sniping.

_'I would like permission to stop her,'_ Ironhide states, nervously watching as she continues to work on removing the screws. _'Sir.'_

_'Ratchet is there anything in his door that would cause permanent harm to him should she damage it?'_ Optimus inquires.

_'No, it's just mostly neural relays in his doors, nothing vital and nothing I can't fix at a later date,'_ Ratchet answers.

_'What does that mean? Neural relays?' _Ironhide demands.

_'It means that the worse she can do is make it so you can't feel your door for a while,'_ Ratchet explains. _'If she does, I'll fix it when you get back.'_

_'If I get back,' _Ironhide mumbles.

_'Melodramatic much?' _Ratchet snorts.

_'Permission denied,' _Optimus states, effectively ending any more bickering.

_'But...,' _Ironhide starts to argue.

_'No, Ironhide,'_ Optimus interrupts. _ 'She can't cause permanent harm, so there is no reason not to let her continue.'_

_'I am curious as to why you've started rattling though,' _Ratchet puts in.

_'Hey! She's stopped,' _Ironhide happily announces as she leaves him and heads inside the cabin. _ 'My door is saved!'_

_'If she's stopped, why has she left your door open?' _Ratchet asks. _ 'Why hasn't she put you back in the shed? Or put the tools away?'_

_'How the Pit should I know?'_ Ironhide retorts irritably. _'She's a little Pit spawn and I'm fairly certain that her creators must have dropped her on her cranium when she was a sparkling.'_

_'I have to agree that there is something strange about this human,'_ Ratchet thoughtfully responds. _'Humans are a social species. They don't do well when separated from their kind.'_

_'But isn't that the purpose of her mission?'_ Optimus questions. _'To find out what happens when a human is separated from her own kind for an extended period of time?'_

_'Not very scientific,'_ Ratchet states with a huff. _'She should set up a test subject and observe that person, not put herself through it. She can't possibly give objective results doing this herself.'_

_'Slag,'_ Ironhide grumbles. _'She's back.'_

_'Looks like she's getting serious,'_ Ratchet chuckles. _'That's a power tool.'_

_'All the better to damage me,'_ Ironhide snarls. _'Are you sure I can't just lock her out?'_

_'I'm sure,'_ Optimus calmly replies.

The three mechs watch as the small woman returns to Ironhide and starts using a battery powered screwdriver to loosen the bolts on his door panel. Ironhide has to use more self discipline then he even knew he had not to move while she works on him. It takes her more than a quarter hour to find all of the screws and then finally peel the inner panel off.

"Oh my god," she gasps when she sees all of the wiring and circuitry that was hidden by the panel. "When Will said you had some special systems he didn't mention anything like this. Holy cow. Here's to hoping that it's not a circuit board that's loose. Otherwise you're going to have to wait until Will can get you to Doc Hatchet."

_'Doc Hatchet?' _Ratchet snarls while she carefully makes sure that whatever is causing the rattle isn't attached to the panel she's just removed. _'You told Lennox about that Pit blasted nick name?'_

_'Heh, uh, yea,'_ Ironhide quietly answers, knowing full well how lucky he currently is being out of Ratchet's wrench throwing range.

Ratchet simmers in silence, thinking of that stupid nick name the twins gave him while she picks up the small flashlight that's been sitting on Ironhide's floorboards. She turns the light on and starts shining it into the door, trying to find what is causing the mystery noise. She gingerly starts moving some of the wires around, silently hoping that she doesn't damage anything.

"My, what big wires you have, grandma," she mutters under her breath as she continues her search.

_'What did I tell you?'_ Ironhide huffs. _'Her processor is damaged.'_

_'Humans have brains, not processors,'_ Ratchet points out.

_'Then you explain what she's babbling on about,'_ Ironhide grumbles.

_'She's misquoting a children's tale called __Little Red Riding Hood__,'_ Optimus tells him and Ironhide takes a moment to look it up.

_'I still say she was dropped on her cranium,'_ Ironhide mumbles.

"Hello? What have we here?" she softly asks, her head practically inside of his door.

_'What have you found, you little Pit-spawn?'_ Ironhide snarls.

She carefully reaches into his wiring and he tries not to flinch at the strange sensation of her handling him there. All three mech watch on as she gets her hand further into 'Hide's wiring and Ironhide just barely manages not to move or make a noise. She gets her hand around a good number of wires and stops.

_'I don't like her in there,'_ Ironhide states, the tension evident in his voice. _'Please let me move.'_

_'If you move now, she could damage some of your wiring or worse, your circuitry,' _Ratchet warns.

When she can't seem to get what she's after with one hand, she turns off the flashlight and then tosses it over onto the driver's seat. With great care, she slides her second hand up to the first and starts blindly feeling around. It takes every ounce of control that Ironhide has, plus some he didn't know he possessed not to roll out of her reach or demand that she stop.

"Gotcha!" she softly crows in triumph.

Ever so carefully, she pinches the item she's found between her forefinger and thumb and then slowly extracts her hands from his door. He nearly sighs in relief that she's finally done tormenting him. She straightens up and puts the item she's found in the palm of her hand, turning so she can see it in the nearly midday sunlight.

"Where the hell did this come from?" she asks no one as she examines the small piece of metal in her hand.

_'What is that?' _Ratchet questions, trying to analyze the object through Ironhide's optics.

Ironhide doesn't answer at first, also curious as to what it is and then a sudden thought hits his CPU. He quickly does a check on the Internet and finds a match almost immediately.

_'It's the tip of a Slim Jim lock pick,'_ Ironhide admits. _'A pretty cheep one too.'_

_'How did get it in your door?'_ Optimus inquires and Ironhide grudgingly tells him. _'You are very __fortunate that you were able to get the police to follow your hologram. They could have detained her for some time and asked questions neither she nor Sarah Lennox would be able to answer.'_

_'You're also lucky she was able to find it before it severed a wire or shorted out some of your circuitry,'_ Ratchet adds. _'Or worse, worked it's way out of your door and into your main systems. The damage it could have done there may not have been easily repairable.'_

_'So I should be grateful to her?'_ Ironhide asks in disbelief as she gives a small snort of frustration and puts the piece of broken metal in her pocket.

_'Apparently so,'_ Optimus replies while she picks up the panel and moves it back to where it belongs.

_'Slag,' _Ironhide mutters, studiously ignoring her as she starts to screw the panel back in place.

_'Anything else you need us to hold your hand for?'_ Ratchet finally asks while she continues to put the door back together.

_'No,'_ Ironhide growls. _ 'Ironhide out.'_

He severs the link to the other two and goes back to carefully watching her as she diligently makes sure everything is as it was. In short order, she has his door back together, the tools back where they belong and he's back in the shed. She runs the heavy chain through the handles of the door and securely locks it once more.

"There," she states with satisfaction as she dusts her hands off. "That takes care of that."

_Frag_, he grumbles to himself.

He goes back to seeing what's out on the World Wide Web and a bit surprised to find even more pictures from the Mission City battle

* * *

After several days of fruitless searching, he knows he has no choice. With great trepidation, he digs out the phone that he had quite possibly the most disturbing calls of his life as well as one of the happiest not so long ago on and opens it up. He scrolls through the names and immediately hits the send button when he gets to the one he wants.

"Hello?" a deep, calm male voice answers.

"Hey, Optimus, it's Will Lennox," Will greets tiredly.

"Yes, Captain, what can I help you with?" Optimus inquires.

"We're having trouble finding Scorponok," Will tells the mech. "Every time we think we've got him pinpointed, he moves again. Is there anything you can suggest we do?"

"Perhaps it is time for Hound and the others to come down to Earth," Optimus suggests.

"Others?" Will questions a bit worriedly.

"Yes, two more have answered my call," Optimus replies. "Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are both excellent warriors and once Scorponok is found, they will be quite valuable to you in the ensuing battle."

"Great! That's good to hear," Will states, trying to sound excited.

"Is something the matter?" Optimus questions.

"Well, the military doesn't tend to take vehicles out of an area where we've brought them in," Will carefully responds.

"So bringing three of them out will not be possible?" Optimus asks.

"I don't think it'll be impossible, but things might get a bit dicey," Will answers reluctantly.

"How so?" Optimus queries.

"You see, I have to get permission to bring a vehicle back to the states and the best way to do that is to ask Secretary Keller," Will tells him.

"And you do not think Secretary Keller will give his permission?" Optimus inquires.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he'll give it," Will answers. "However, he'll probably want something in return...or in this case, someone."

"Jazz," Optimus states, the sadness creeping into his voice.

"Yea," Will confirms, his own melancholy setting in.

"How much time do we have?" Optimus asks after a few moments of silence.

"I'm not sure," Will responds. "Secretary Keller is supposed to be here next week and I'll talk to him. I'm not looking forward to that conversation."

"Perhaps I should ask the twins to come down closer to us and just send Hound down to you," Optimus suggests.

"That might work," Will sighs. "Wait a minute...did you just say twins?"

"Yes, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are twin brothers," Optimus confirms.

"I didn't know you guys could have twins," Will states in surprise. "How does that happen?"

"When a new spark is formed and it splits in two upon creation, that is how you get twins," Optimus explains. "That is the simple explanation. If you wish to have more details about the process, you will need to talk to Ratchet."

"No, that's ok," Will quickly replies, remembering all too well the cranky CMO. "Let me talk to Secretary Keller and see how things go before you call them. Maybe I can work out a deal so can come up with what to do with Jazz. Does Ratchet really think he can fix him?"

"He is willing to give it a try," Optimus answers. "With Mikaela's help, he's making very good progress."

"Mikaela? As in Sam's girlfriend Mikaela?" Will asks.

"Yes," Optimus responds. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," Will answers. "I just wouldn't peg her for mechanical."

"There's more to her than meets the eye," Optimus chuckles.

"Apparently so," Will says with a smile. "Listen, I should get going. I'll call you after I've talked to Secretary Keller."

"Very well, Captain," Optimus replies. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Will says. "'Bye."

"Goodbye," Optimus responds and a second later the line is disconnected.

Optimus thinks of the price that this war has cost his people and he can feel his spark weighing heavily with him as he makes his way into the medical bay. He can hear Ratchet in the Energon collection room, so he slowly makes his way over to the table Jazz is laid out on. He carefully pulls back the sheet covering the small mech and all he can do is cycle air through his vents when he sees what is left of one of his oldest comrades.

The chest cavity is wide open, exposing Jazz's empty spark case and he can see the weld marks from Mikaela's work. He looks down towards the lower half and can see that Ratchet has started the tedious task of matching up the wires in the central relay bundle. He wonders how the CMO can possibly know which wire goes to where, but figures since he isn't programmed to be a medic, he'll never know.

"Is there something I can help you with, Optimus?" Ratchet asks as he steps into the medical bay.

"How much longer do you think it will take?" Optimus questions and Ratchet doesn't need to ask what he's talking about.

"It's hard to say," Ratchet answers. "With Mikaela's help, things have been progressing a lot faster than I expected."

"I just talked to Captain Lennox," Optimus tells him.

"And?" Ratchet prompts after several seconds of silence.

Optimus proceeds to tell him about the conversation he had with the human and Ratchet cycles are through his vents when Optimus is done.

"I will ask Mikaela if she would be willing to help me on the weekends," Ratchet sadly states. "I loathe to take her away from her time with Sam, but I think she will understand."

"Thank you, Ratchet," Optimus says as he pulls the cover back over Jazz. "I need to bring Hound up to date. I will check back with you later."

With that, Optimus leaves the medical bay and Ratchet watches him go. Determined to give Jazz the fighting chance he deserves, the medic pulls back the sheet and gets back to work on reconnecting the wires in the central relay bundle.


	21. Trouble Calling

**Author's Notes:** My apologies for the delay. I came back from a 3 week vacation and my muse didn't. I had to send Hound after her and she was hiding. But she's back and the next installment of insanity is here for your enjoyment. To all of my wonderful reviewers, a major thank you. It really makes my day when I see reviews waiting for me in my inbox.

* * *

He thought he knew what hot was. He was stationed at Nellis Air Force Base for two years of his military career and if any place can get blazingly hot, it's Nevada. However, he doesn't remember Nevada ever being as hot as Qatar and he's not sure if he's going to melt or spontaneously combust from the heat. The fact that it's autumn would really frazzle his mind, that's if the heat hasn't already fried it.

With a sigh of relief, John Keller steps into the air conditioned building of the new SOCCENT base and follows his guide to a small meeting room where he takes a seat and opens his brief case. He gratefully takes a drink of ice cold water that's been provided for him and starts going over some of the paperwork he has with him while he waits. He doesn't get very far as a few minutes later the door opens and two men enter.

"Oh good, Captain, Sargent, you're here," John greets as he stands and the two soldiers salute him. "At ease. Have a seat."

"Thank you, sir," Will replies as he and Bobby take seats at the table.

"So what's the situation?" John asks, getting straight to the point.

"Not good," Will answers unhappily. "Every time we think we know where the target is, it moves again. We did damage to it, but it appears it's recovering and becoming more mobile as it does."

"I'm open to suggestions, gentlemen," John says as he leans back in his chair.

"I've been in contact with Optimus Prime, sir," Will starts hesitantly. "There are three Autobots waiting to come to Earth. Hound is a scout and should be able to locate the target. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are both warriors and will be beneficial in helping to terminate the target once we locate it and draw it out. Optimus is willing to send them to us, but he would like us to bring them back to the States when the assignment is over."

"What happens if we leave them here?" John questions. "Not that I'd be willing to do that, but on the off chance the president doesn't approve bringing them over, what then?"

"It's possible for them to get to Optimus, but it'll probably bring a lot more attention than we really want," Will responds.

"You know the president will want something in return for doing this," John points out.

"I know, sir," Will sighs. "I've been thinking about that. Ratchet has been working to repair Jazz, but he needs time. What if we gave Ratchet until this assignment is over and then if he hasn't completed his repairs, then they hand Jazz over to us?"

"That could be reasonable," John agrees. "Do you think Optimus Prime will agree to it?"

"Only one way to find out," Will replies.

The captain fishes a cell phone out of one of the many pockets in his pants, flips it open and scrolls down to the appropriate number.

"You're going to call him on an open line?" John asks in disbelief, leaning forward in his seat.

"As soon as Optimus picks up, the line becomes secure," Will assures him. "It's some Cybertronian thing that Ratchet did to my phone. I don't understand it, but I trust them enough not to want to draw unwanted attention to themselves."

"And you're sure it works?" John questions.

"We tested it out after Ratchet did his voodoo on the phone and there isn't a scanner that _I_ know of that can hack into a call to or from one of the Autobots," Bobby puts in.

Both men sit, waiting expectantly and praying that the Secretary of Defense doesn't want more details. Neither one of them is really interested in revealing that while they were testing the connection, they accidentally picked up the base's commanding officer having phone sex with his mistress.

"Alright, then by all means, make the call," John says as he leans back in his chair.

Will pushes the 'send' button, sets the phone to speaker and then places it in the middle of the table. A second later they can hear the buzz that indicates the other end is ringing.

"Yes?" a deep male voice questions a second later.

"Hey, Optimus, it's Will Lennox," Will greets.

"Hello, Captain," Optimus replies in a calm voice. "What can I help you with?"

"I've got Secretary Keller here with me and we were talking about Hound and the others coming down to help us," Will responds.

"And what has been your decision?" Optimus asks.

"Speaking for my team, we'd love the help," Will answers.

"But...?" Optimus prompts when the silence stretches on for more than a few seconds.

"But we know the president is going to want something in return for bringing them back to the States," Will states.

"Is not the use of three of my Autobots to help eliminate Scorponok not enough payment for a plane flight?" Optimus inquires.

"That's a very good question," Will replies and then looks over at John.

"It most certainly is," John agrees as he slightly scowls at the phone. "Optimus, this is John Keller. I have to tell you that we're in a bit of a quandary here. The president wants the last Transformer's body disposed of..."

"Ratchet it is doing his best to fix him," Optimus replies. "Please, give him a chance."

"But if my reports are correct, Megatron tore him in two," John states. "How can your mechanic fix him if he's in two pieces?"

"Ratchet is a medic, like your doctors," Optimus gently corrects. "Our hope is that the fragment of the AllSpark will be able to revive Jazz."

"But how is that possible?" John asks, very perplexed.

"I could have you talk to Ratchet, if you wish," Optimus offers. "I'm sure he could explain in detail how it would work...though it make take a few decades for you to completely understand the complexities of our systems."

"I'll pass, thanks," John grumbles, glancing at the younger men seated across from and only from being years in the military keep the snickers from the other two at bay. "Listen, the president doesn't like it that we don't know where you guys are."

"At this time, we are not sure if we are considered welcomed guests or intruders on your world, so I felt it prudent that we keep, as you humans put it, a low profile," Optimus explains.

"Perfectly understandable," John replies with a nod only the humans with him can see. "I'll talk to the president and hopefully we can come to an arrangement that's mutually beneficial."

"Thank you," Optimus responds. "With our own home world no longer salvageable, we are at loose ends right now. We will gladly help protect this world from any Decepticon threat that may arise in exchange for asylum. We are also willing to share some of our technology with you, but no weaponry. You're species has demonstrated that powerful weapons are never in safe hands."

"Fair enough," John agrees. "Now, how should we handle the current situation? Speaking for myself, I would like this...Skorponok...permanently disposed of."

"As would we, Mr. Secretary," Optimus assures the man.

For the next several minutes John and Optimus go back and forth over what can and cannot be done as well as what each is willing to give in exchange. In the end, it is tentatively agreed that the Autobots waiting in space will land in Qatar and provide assistance to Lennox and his team with them getting a ride back to the States when the mission is complete. Further discussion of what is to become of Jazz is tabled until Optimus and President Moss have had a chance to speak to each other.

"Now that that is taken care of," John sighs as he leans back in his seat while Will puts his phone away, "I would like to talk to you about Ironhide, Captain."

"Ironhide, sir?" Will questions in surprise.

"Where is he?" John demands as he pulls out a photograph from the pile of papers in front of him and hands it to Will. "We found this picture was taken almost two weeks after you left. While the detail is rather grainy, it sure looks like a certain Autobot that should be living in your garage. The house that this truck is at is only a few miles from your home and it belongs to your wife's relatives."

"I was unaware that my home was being kept under surveillance," Will states, not the least bit happy, though managing not to show it too much.

"Not your home, just your 'guest'," John corrects. "What happened to him? And why can't we find him?"

"You can't find him because he's locked in a shed in the Sierra Nevada mountains near Lake Almanor," Will tells him.

"Why is he locked in a shed in the Sierra Nevada mountains?" John asks, his piercing blue eyes never wavering from the younger man.

"My wife's cousin...borrowed...him, sir," Will reluctantly answers.

"Explain," John orders.

Chagrined, Will explains how Ironhide ended up being lent out.

"So, this Alex knows nothing?" John confirms.

"All she knows is that Ironhide was given to me by the military and that he has some special systems which require him getting Energon every day," Will replies. "As far as she's concerned, he's a monster with hubcaps."

"You know, you haven't called to check in on 'Hide in a while," Bobby suddenly puts in, managing to keep a straight face. "Now might be a good time."

"That sounds like a very good idea," John agrees. "Please make the call, Captain."

"Yes, sir," Will says in as neutral a voice as he can muster.

He pulls the phone out of his pocket again, casting a glance at Bobby as he does so. Bobby catches the glare that promises him much suffering, but if this call is anything like the last one, it'll be worth it. Will repeats his actions when he called Optimus and sets the phone on the table as soon as he pushes the 'send' button.

"What?" a gruff voice grumbles a moment later.

"Hey, 'Hide, it's Will," Will greets, hoping and praying that groans of pleasure will not be issuing from his phone in a second.

"YOU!" Ironhide yells, causing the humans to jump in surprise. "SHE...! GAAAAAHH!!"

"What has she done this time?" Will asks, knowing he doesn't really want the answer.

"A BICYCLE!" Ironhide shouts. "She brought a slagging BICYCLE! She has me here to take her wherever she wants to go and she's riding around on that...that...TOY! How did she get it here anyways!? I didn't see her bring it with us!"

"Was one of the boxes she packed about four and a half feet by two and half by a foot?" Will questions and Ironhide is quiet for several seconds.

"Yes," Ironhide answers. "It was the first thing she put in my bed when she packed me."

"Yeah, that was a bike box," Will explains. "She had a disassembled bike in it. Sarah and I got it for her for her birthday."

"So you're to blame for this indignity!" Ironhide snarls.

"I had nothing to do with it," Will defends. "I was here in Qatar. Sarah just put my name on the card."

"She's you're mate," Ironhide growls. "It's your fault."

"She is running your engine once a week like she would a regular car, right?" Will inquires, hoping a change of subject will at least get the Autobot away from getting angrier.

"Oh, she's been doing more than that," Ironhide replies, his voice suddenly sweet and dangerous. "She takes me down the hill once a week."

"Well, that's good," Will hesitantly responds.

"Oh yes, it's very good," Ironhide continues in that same tone of voice. "Do you want to know _why_ she takes me down the hill?"

"Why?" Will asks, though he _really_ doesn't want to know.

"Because that's where the dumpster is," Ironhide hisses just before he explodes again. "I am nothing more than a glorified _GARBAGE TRUCK!_"

"I'm really sorry about that, 'Hide," Will sighs in regret. "I wish I could help you, but Alex has cut herself off from the rest of the world. And even if I could contact her, I wouldn't be able to tell her to stop. Is she still giving you your Energon?"

"I could set my chronometer to my feedings," the weapons specialist mutters.

"Ok, good," Will says, glad that there's at least one thing Ironhide can't blame him for.

"Are you aware that Optimus told me to watch over this little pit spawn you've lent me to?" Ironhide demands. "I'm responsible for her wellbeing."

"Oh, well, that can't too hard, now can it?" Will nervously counters. "Alex is smart enough to not get eaten by a bear."

"She may not get consumed by any indigenous wildlife, but that doesn't mean she isn't trying to kill herself," Ironhide grumbles.

"Oh?" Will inquires with a feeling of dread.

"Yesterday, she climbed up into a tree that stands close to forty feet high," Ironhide tells him.

"Ok, that's not too ba...," Will starts.

"With a chainsaw," Ironhide continues. "She then proceeded to use the thing with great enthusiasm. She seemed quite proud of herself when she was done. Do you have any idea what will happen to me if something happens to her? Even if it's by her own stupidity?"

"Um...," Will hesitantly stammers.

"Ratchet is going to dismantle my cannons," Ironhide informs him. "What good is a weapon's specialist without weapons!?"

"I'm sure everything is going to be fine, 'Hide," Will assures the mech. "It's not like Decepticons are going to come knocking on your door."

"I suppose you may be correct," Ironhide grumbles and Will gives a sigh of relief that he's managed to slightly placate his large metal friend.

"Of course I am," Will smugly replies. "Just look at this as a nice vacation up in the mountains."

"I don't do 'vacations'," Ironhide growls back. "Imagine you were forced to six months of idleness while not being able to do anything..._at all. _Not even being able to get up and walk around."

"Ok, you've got a point and I'm sorry," Will amends. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"You better," Ironhide mutters menacingly. "How is your search for Skorponok going?"

"Horribly," Will answers. "Fortunately, Optimus is sending us Hound, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe."

"Optimus is sending you the twins?" Ironhide asks, amusement tingeing his voice.

"Yes," Will confirms worriedly. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Ironhide replies and the laughter in his voice is quite evident.

"What's wrong with the twins?" Will asks in concern.

"Nothing is _wrong_ with them," Ironhide assures the human. "Though their fighting style is a bit...unorthodox, they _are_ very good fighters. Not as good as myself, of course, but they'll get the job done."

"What are you _not_ telling me, 'Hide?" Will demands.

"Well, they aren't quite as young as Bumblebee, but by our standards, they are still fairly young," Ironhide responds, the amusement very much in evidence. "You might find them...how do you put it?...oh yes, high spirited. But I'm sure it's nothing _you_ can't handle."

"How high spirited is high spirited?" Will questions, a feeling of dread coming over him.

"Well, it has been some time since I last saw them, so they may have calmed down some," Ironhide drawls, deliberately not answering the question. "Hound will be with them. I'm sure everything will be just fine."

"'Hide...," Will starts.

"I'm sure you have better things to do than to break up the monotony that has become my life, so I'll let you go now," Ironhide jovially states. "Ironhide out."

With that, the connection is terminated and the three men just sit and stare at the phone on the table.

"Why do I have the Jaws theme going through my head?" Bobby finally asks after a couple minutes of uneasy silence.

"Perhaps we should call off this operation," John suggests.

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Will states a bit forcefully. "'Hide was just yanking my chain. Everything is going to be ok."

"You sayin' that to reassure us or yourself?" Bobby inquires, quirking an eyebrow at his superior officer.

"A little of both, I think," Will finally admits just before reaching for his phone. "Whether or not the twins are a bit 'high spirited' doesn't change the fact that we need them to get rid of Skorponok."

"If you're sure about this, Captain," John says.

"Yes, sir, I am," Will confidently states.

"Very well the, proceed as planned," John responds.

"Thank you, sir," Will replies as he stands up and the other two men do the same. "If you'll excuse us, we better get some preparations made for the Autobots' arrival."

"Of course, Captain," John nods. "Please keep me appraised."

"Yes, sir," Will agrees as he and Bobby salute the Secretary of Defense.

"Dismissed," John commands as he returns the salute.

With no further words, Will and Bobby leave the room and are soon stepping out into the blazing heat of the day. Will is running a check list of things he'll need to acquire and arrange before the Autobots can land in his mind. He studiously runs through the lists in his head, doing his damnedest to ignore Bobby who's now humming the theme from Jaws.


	22. Welcome to Earth

**Author's Notes: ** ARG! I'm so sorry this chapter took so long and I thank you all for being so patient with me. I'm training to do the LiveStrong Challenge on July 11th and it seems my muse got on a bike and rode off into the sunset. You can learn more about why I'm training on my author's page. At any rate, thank you for reading and please leave a review when you're done.

* * *

He's a patient mech. Honest to Primus he is. But this forced idleness is about to fry every single one of his circuits! The fact that they have been out just over a month isn't helping what's left of his sanity.

He swears that if that crazy little Pit spawn pulls one more of her insane stunts, he's going to break out of this miserable shed and drag her back to civilization kicking and screaming. What kind of glitch climbs up onto a roof so she can shove a long stick with a bunch of bristles at one end down the chimney? Was she trying to fall off the blasted building and break her scrawny neck?

Maybe he should just take her back before she does something else completely stupid. It'd be so easy to wait until she comes to take him down the hill for the garbage run and just keep going. After all, it's not like she could stop him and it might save what's left of his sanity, not to mention his cannons.

He hears her come out of the cabin and he turns all of his attention to her. He wonders what maddening thing she's going to do this time. He waits and watches as his circuits start to spark from the stress.

Instead of heading towards the shed as she normally does before doing one of her insane projects, she picks up one of the chairs that stays on the porch and moves it towards the railing. She sits down in the midday sunlight and puts something to her lips. His sensors can't get a good reading on the object other than it's a tube made of wood with holes down the side.

She blows air into the tube a couple times and strange sounds come out of it. She changes the position of her fingers on the weird thing while she continues to blow into it and the pitch of the sound changes. For several minutes she makes noise going up and down in pitch while he tries to figure out what the purpose of this device is.

Suddenly she stops and he cranks his sensors to their maximum. He hears her take a deep breath just before she puts her mouth to this unusual wooden tube again. He expects more of the same sounds as before, but instead mournful, calming notes come out of the strange instrument.

He heard many types of music and instruments while on Cybertron, but nothing like this. The notes that reach him are so soothing that the circuits that were on the verge of burning out, are no longer sparking. The cables that help move him start to slacken after being taut for Primus knows how long. His spark pulse slows to the melancholy, but calming music and he realizes if he takes her back, she won't play where he can hear her any more.

As he feels himself starting to slip into recharge, he decides that they can stay for a while longer, but only if she keeps playing for him.

* * *

They stand under a blanket of stars and Will stares up at them in wonder. They're more than ten miles from anywhere in the middle of the desert with no moon in the sky and the stars look like a million diamonds across black velvet. Bobby steps up next to him and Will has to drag his thoughts back to why they're out here.

Will pretends he doesn't hear Bobby softly humming as he stares into the sky. It's been nearly a month since Secretary Keller's visit and it's taken this long to get things set for the three Autobots that have been waiting in space. Everything is finally ready now and so Will and his team are standing out in the middle of the desert waiting for Hound, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe to come to Earth.

A bright flash of light off to the left draws everyone's attention and Bobby starts humming louder. Only threatening to put Bobby on latrine duty for the rest of their tour got the Sargent to stop humming the theme from _Jaws_. However, the theme from _Mission: Impossible_ has not been much of an improvement.

Soon, three stars get larger and brighter and the soldiers know that these are the bots they've been waiting for. At least they hope they are. A nervous excitement sweeps through the men and Will isn't above having the same feelings. With hearts beating rapidly, they watch as the three bright dots turn into giant flaming balls.

The men watch in awe as these frightening and exciting objects blaze across the sky. As the three Autobots pass over the humans' heads, Will can feel the intense heat radiating off of the bots. A few moments later, the huge spheres of flaming metal hit the ground in a shower of sand and fire.

"MOVE OUT!" Will yells, shaking everyone out of their reveries.

The men scramble for their vehicles and a few seconds later they're racing across the sand towards the recently made craters. Will and Bobby make it to the edge of the first crater and get out of the Hummer they're driving as soon as they stop. They stare in amazement as the giant pod at the bottom of the hole starts to move. Parts pop out and begin to turn and spin as the sound of gears and motors clank and whir.

A minute later, nearly fifteen feet of protoform robot is standing in front of them. If it weren't for the glowing blue optics, both men would be going for their weapons. As it is, they're still a bit nervous.

The bot says nothing to them, but carefully walks around them and looks down at the vehicle they arrived in. The bot turns and looks at the other vehicles as two more protoform bots walk towards the first.

Electronic shrieks fill the cold desert air and Will recognizes the sound as Cybertronian. He glances over at his men and can see them getting jumpy.

"Easy," Will calls to them. "They're just talking to each other."

"What do you suppose they're talking about?" Bobby asks as the first bot approaches the other two.

"Not a clue," Will quietly answers as they watch one of the smaller bots wave an angry hand towards the vehicles. "But I'm guessing someone doesn't like his choices."

Bobby's only response is to start humming the _Mission: Impossible_ theme again.

* * *

"This is it?" Sideswipe demands, waving a hand towards the Earth machines. "Out of hundreds of makes and models of cars on this planet and this is what they bring us to trans-scan?"

"Aren't there any other colors?" Sunstreaker sulkily asks.

"Optimus did warn us that military vehicles don't have the same variety as civilian cars do," Hound reminds them. "You'll just have to wait until we get back to Optimus to pick a disguise and color more to your liking."

"But they're so boring," Sideswipe whines.

"And drab," Sunstreaker pouts.

"Just trans-scan a vehicle and be glad we're no longer on the moon," Hound instructs as he turns back to the Hummer he was about to scan before the twins started complaining.

"Yea, now instead of getting dust all over my armor, I'm going to get sand in my gears and joints," Sunstreaker grumbles.

Hound says nothing as he scans the largest of the vehicles and then begins his transformation. He has no idea how Optimus does it, but if his leader can put up with these two, then so can he. He hopes.

"Are you Hound, Sunstreaker or Sideswipe?" a pale skinned human asks, cautiously approaching him with a darker skinned man behind him.

"I am Hound," Hound states in English as he quickly checks the pictures that Optimus sent him of the humans he would be working with. "You would be Captain William Lennox and Sargent Robert Epps?"

"That's right," Will responds with a sigh of relief.

Before any more can be said, the sound of a couple engines being red lined fills the night air. The men turn towards the two extra buggies and watch as they take off. They start circling the craters and the humans, kicking up sand everywhere. Bobby starts humming again and Will glares at him.

"Latrine and KP duty for the rest of your military career," Will threatens and Bobby grins, but at least stops humming.

"Sunstreaker! Sideswipe!" Hound yells to be heard over the revving engines.

The other two bots ignore him and continue their high speed racing. Knowing that they have no intention of listening to him Hound returns to his bipedal form. As soon as they go charging by, Hound reaches out and grabs the roll bar of the closest one. This brings the other one immediately around and he revs his engine in warning to Hound.

"Enough you two," Hound states irritably as he dumps the bot he's holding in front of the humans. "You're making a bad impression on the humans. Captain, Sargent, this is Sunstreaker and Sideswipe is the one over there."

"Hi," Will greets as soon as the other two are standing up and standing next to each other.

"How are we supposed to tell them apart?" the bot on the right asks.

"I'm Captain Lennox and this is Sargent Epps," Will starts, realizing that there's nothing to differentiate one twin from the other.

"That's great," the bot on the left says. "But how do we tell them apart?"

"Are you shittin' me?" Bobby mutters so only Will can hear him.

"Look," Hound instructs as he turns on the headlights that are now mounted on his shoulders and floods the area light from his high beams, causing the gathered humans to blink rapidly and shield their eyes. "They have different skin tones and hair and eye color."

"Fine, that one looks a little different," bot on the right states as he points at Bobby. "But the rest of them all look alike."

"They're even wearing the same dull colored armor," the one on the left adds.

"That's clothing, not armor," Hound corrects. "They typically only wear armor if they're going into battle.

"But according to their world wide web, they have a wide variety of clothing styles and colors," left bot continues.

"That's because we're in the military," Will interjects, studiously ignoring Bobby as he softly hums the theme from the _Twilight Zone_. "We dress alike so the enemy can't tell which of us is in charge and the dull colors are so it's harder to see us."

"But how do you tell each other apart?" right bot asks.

"We just do," Bobby states irritably.

"Enough," Hound orders as he cuts off his lights leaving the humans blinking as they try to adjust their eyes to the near darkness again. "It's time to go to their base."

"Why?" left bot asks a bit belligerently.

"Because humans are primarily diurnal and it's now the middle of the night," Hound explains.

"They're di-what?" right bot questions in confussion.

"They're diurnal," Hound patiently repeats. "It means that they're more active during the day than at night. It's really quite fascinating..."

"Fine! Let's go!" right bot hastily interrupts.

The Twins swiftly transform and take off, kicking up sand as they go. The humans quickly cover their heads with their arms to protect themselves from the flying silicate. As the sound of the two engines start to fade, the soldiers begin to brush the sand from their clothes.

"Hey, Captain?" on of Will's men calls.

"Yea?" Will replies as he shakes sand out of his jacket.

"Base is the other way," the corporal states, pointing in the opposite direction that the Twins took.

Before Will can respond, the sound of air being circulated through over sized vents fills the night air. The humans turn to look at the remaining Autobot. Will bites his lip in order not to laugh at the sight of Hound pinching the bridge of his nose just like Optimus does when his patience is being tried.

"Hound?" Will cautiously calls and the bot turns towards him and smiles.

"We should head for base," Hound states. "Sunstreaker and Sideswipe will catch up."

"Sounds good," Will agrees before turning to his men. "Mount up and head back to base!"

Will watches as the men head back towards their vehicles and Hound folds down to his new alt mode. After making sure everyone's situated, he starts head back towards his own Hummer. He's brought up short by Hound rolling in front of him and opening his passenger door.

"I would be honored if you'd ride with me, Captain," Hound states.

"Sure," Will agrees and then looks over at Bobby. "Epps, I'm riding back with Hound."

Bobby waves that he understood and climbs into the Hummer while Will carefully gets into Hound's passenger seat. The door gently closes on its own and a moment later the seatbelt slides across Will's lap and chest, slightly startling the man. Once Hound is sure that his passenger is secure, they follow others back to base.

"So, um, welcome to Earth," Will finally starts after several seconds of nervous silence.

"Thank you, Captain," Hound happily replies. "Should we do something about the craters we made?"

"No, the sand will fill them in the next day or two," Will answers.

"May I ask you something, Captain?" Hound asks.

"Sure," Will responds.

"What's the purpose of sand?" Hound questions.

"The purpose?" Will inquires in confusion. "I'm not sure it's supposed to have a purpose. I know we can use it to make glass and if you want to strip paint off of a large area, sand blasting works really well. Sand just is."

"Ah," Hound says and is silent for a few seconds. "What about mosquitoes? Do they have a purpose?"

"Unless you want to count spreading disease a purpose, then no," Will states.

"Oh," Hound says, sounding very disappointed and the silence stretches for nearly a minute this time. "What about..."

"Looks like the Twins caught up with us," Will interrupts as a pair of unmanned dune buggies goes tearing past them, one on either side.

"I told them they were heading out into the desert and suggested that they might want to join us," Hound tells him, sounding a bit smug.

"What did you say to them?" Will asks.

"I just pointed out that they might not enjoy being caught in a sand storm," Hound answers.

"Is there a sand storm heading this way?" Will questions worriedly.

"No, but they don't know that," Hound chuckles.

Will has to snicker a bit himself since he knows how particular Ironhide can be about getting dirt in places that are hard to get out. Sand is much worse and from what he's been able to gather from Optimus, the Twins are much pickier than any of the other bots. He watches as the Twins race circles around the group heading towards base and then the human frowns.

"I know you guys can drive yourselves, but you might want to pick one of my men to pretend to be your drivers," Will suggests. "Cars don't normally drive themselves on this planet."

"Oh, that's easily fixed," Hound tells him and an instant later, there's a strange man sitting in the driver's seat.

"Who...? How...?" Will stammers.

"A hologram," Hound explains as the image turns and starts moving its mouth with the words. "It can look and sound like a human with no problem. I can even move it out of my cab and have it walk around. However, since it's nothing more than light, it has no substance. It also has to be within my line of sight."

"What if someone walks between you and the hologram when it's outside?" Will inquires. "Can the twins do this too?"

"It might flicker a bit, but I can adjust my holo emitters to easily compensate," Hound tells him. "If a wall suddenly became between us, then it would simply reappear on my side of the wall or disappear all together. And yes, the twins are able to project holograms as well."

"That's good," Will sighs in relief. "I get the impression that the Twins might not like having drivers."

"You're right, the Twins would probably be quite upset if someone wanted to ride in them," Hound agrees. "So, what do you think of my hologram?"

"It's not bad, but it could use a little work," Will replies.

"What's wrong with it?" Hound questions.

"It could use some facial expressions," Will answers

"Like this?" Hound asks and the hologram gets a really creepy grin on its face.

"No, that's just spooky," Will responds. "Try watching the people around you or maybe watch a movie. I know you guys can access the Internet and you can watch a bunch of things from there."

"Ok, I can do that," Hound assures him. "Anything else?"

"Blinking and breathing," Will states. "It's not as big as the expressions thing, but people will notice that it's not doing either one of those if you use it to interact with people."

"Is that better?" Hound asks a moment later.

"A bit, but it's blinking so fast, it looks like it's got something in its eye," Will instructs. "Try slowing down how often it blinks and make it a bit more random."

"How's this?" Hound inquires after several seconds.

"That's much better," Will responds. "The expressions still need work, but the blinking and breathing are a lot better."

"Good, then my hologram is set," Hound happily states.

"Well...almost," Will hesitantly says.

"What's wrong?" Hound questions.

"It really needs to wear clothes."


	23. Kicking up Dust

**Author's Notes: ** Sorry for the delay, dear readers. Life has become less fun than it should. However, I was able to get this chapter written. There's no Ironhide loving, I'm afraid, but plenty of Hound and Twins. Seeing as Alex is in the middle of nowhere and Ironhide is locked in a shed, there's probably not much going on right now. I will get back to them in the next chapter. As always, thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers.

* * *

"Do you see the building on the end with the doors wide open?" Will asks, pointing towards said building not even thinking that the hologram next to him can't see.

"Yes, I see it," Hound answers, easily spotting the still distant rectangle of light.

"That's where the three of you will be quartered," Will tells the bot and Hound quickly scans the building.

"All together?" Hound questions, sounding a touch worried.

"Yea, sorry," Will replies with chagrin. "It's the best we could do on short notice. As it is, the CO is a bit miffed that we insisted on having the doors open out into the desert."

"I understand his concern," Hound states. "It allows a back way into a secure establishment."

"It's not that secure," Will points out. "There's no real perimeter fencing and some of the locals come and go as they please."

"Why so lax on security?" Hound inquires.

"We're not fighting with anyone in this country, so we're not as strict with security," Will responds. "Is there going to be a problem with the three of you bunking together?"

"There shouldn't be," Hound assures the human, hoping to Primus that the Twins don't decide to start pulling pranks while he's in recharge. "Why are the doors facing out towards the desert? Will someone need to open and close them for us?"

"In case you or the Twins decide you need to stretch your legs," Will says as they can start seeing more details of the base in the moonlight. "I'm afraid buildings with 30 food high ceilings are pretty rare out here except for the hanger and there was no way they were going to let us use that. Just make sure you are out of sight of base or any people if you need to go for a walk. As for the doors, they have automatic openers that I'm sure you can open on your own."

"Yes, I see what you mean about the opener," Hound states, easily scanning the simple motor with steel counterbalance spring and cables. "It'll also allow me to go out in search of Scorponok."

"That was another reason to install the doors on this side," Will replies and then gets a worried thought. "What will the Twins be doing while you do that?"

"I'll probably have to take them with me," Hound answers.

"They really are a hand full, aren't they?" Will asks, with a feeling of dread.

"I'll keep them under control," Hound assures him as the Earth vehicles start to veer off. "Should I follow them or head into the building?"

"No, go ahead and go inside," Will instructs.

Hound sends a brief message to the other two who have gone off to explore. Hound just makes it through before the Twins show up and come barreling through the door. They barely manage to stop before they crash through the opposite wall and Will cringes at the sound of screeching tires.

"Why are we in here?" demands one of the Twins, though Will can't tell which one.

"This is where we'll be staying while we're here in Qatar," Hound informs them as he lets Will out.

"WHAT!" two voices shout and Will winces as their voices bounce off the metal walls.

"But it's so tiny in here," the Twin on the right complains. "There's no room to move around."

"We'll just have to go outside and away from any humans to...how did you put it, Captain?...oh yes, stretch our legs."

"It's so drab in here," left bot grouses. "The outside is even worse."

"It's a military base," Will reminds them. "The buildings have to match the surrounding landscape."

Before the Twins can continue their rantings, Bobby comes in dragging a cart with a sizable crate on it. Will can see the Twins go perfectly still and he hides his smile since he knows what's in that crate. No sooner is the human sized door closed then Bobby is face to bumper with two trembling dune buggies.

"Is that..." left bot starts in a whisper.

"...Energon?" right bot continues, his voice just as soft. "But how...?"

"...did you get it?" left bot finishes.

"Ratchet sent it over," Will explains as he walks over to Bobby. "He wasn't able to send us a lot, so we're going to have to ration it out for a while."

"Considering how long it's been since we've had Energon, even rationed is better than nothing," Hound informs them as he rolls up to the humans.

"Especially if The Hatchet made it," right bot states.

"The Hatchet missed his calling," left bot adds.

"He should have made high grade Energon for a living instead of being a medic," right bot continues.

"He's a menace as a medic," left bot agrees.

"Never mind he's saved your two's afts a time or two thousand," Hound points out.

"Ok, Ratchet's beside manners aside, where do you want me to put these things?" Bobby finally asks as he opens the crate.

Instead of an answer, the sound of three Transformers changing fills the building. The humans back up against the wall to avoid being hit or worse yet, accidentally squished. By the time the bots are done, they're in their bi-pedal mode and there's very little room in the building.

The Twins are both crouching down and leaning over while Hound is on his hands and knees. Hound reaches out and gently upends the crate, spilling the three glowing cubes onto the floor. The Twins immediately reach out and snag a cube each while Hound picks up the remaining cube at a more sedate pace after he puts the crate back on the cart.

As the three bots consume the Energon, the two humans get their first good look at the new Autobots. The harsh overhead lights cast a slightly yellowish tinge to the scene before them, but it doesn't stop them from noticing the differences between the bots. While Hound's size easily differentiates him from the Twins, they can see small spots of green on his armor. When they turn their attention on the other two, patches of yellow and red are spotted.

"Primus, that was good," the yellow bot sighs.

"It's been orns since I've had good Energon," the red bot agrees.

"It's good to see that Ratchet hasn't lost his touch," Hound states as he carefully returns the now empty cube to the crate.

"Ok, now that we've had our Energon, where are the wash racks?" yellow bot asks, casually tossing the empty cube in the general direction of the crate.

"Wash racks?" Will questions in confusion.

"Yea, now that we've had our Energon and we've got a place to stay, such that it is, we want to clean off the dust and sand that we've picked up," red bot states.

"Oh boy," Bobby mutters. "This isn't gonna end well."

"I've got sand in places that I don't even want to think about," yellow bot gripes as he shifts some armor and small cascade of sand drops to the floor. "I've got to get clean. Now."

"Do that outside, Sunny," Sides complains as he tries to move away from his brother with very little success.

"There aren't any wash racks," Hound patiently explains while he tries to move between the Twins and the humans.

"Well, what do they have?" Sunny demands.

"We can vacuum you out, but we can't wash you," Will tells them.

"This planet's surface is seventy percent water, "Sides points out. "Why can't we use some of that to wash off?"

"For one we're in the middle of a desert and what water we do have on base has to be trucked in," Will explains. "They're still laying down water lines and even when they're done, the water will be rationed. Besides, most of the water on the planet is salt water. I don't know how well your armor can stand that, but I know a normal car would rust."

"Fine, I'll take my chances with the salt water," Sunny grumbles. "Just so as I can get rid of this sand."

"Trust me, Sunstreaker, salt crystals are not much better than sand," Hound states. "In fact, it's probably worse."

"But...," Sunny starts.

"Enough!" Hound orders, shocking the other two into silence for a moment. "We have a job to do. I need to locate Scorponok before we can send him to the Pit where he belongs."

"What are we supposed to do?" Sides demands.

"Come with me," Hound cheerfully suggests.

"You're joking," Sunny huffs. "Why would we do that?"

"Because I told you to," Hound happily states, ignoring the scowls the other two give him. "Besides, it's not like there's much you can do stuck in here."

The other two bots look around at the Spartan building and give out twin groans. With muttered curses, they transform back into their alt modes and burn rubber getting out of there. Hound turns towards the two humans and gives them a grin before transforming himself.

"We'll be back before dawn," Hound states and then starts to follow his fellow Autobots at a much more sedate pace.

"Wait, Hound!" Will calls as he trots after the mech. "I forgot to tell you where Scorponok was last seen."

"It's unlikely he's still there, but it will be a good starting point," Hound replies.

"He was spotted just north of a town called Al Kharsaah about a week ago," Will informs the bot as he pulls a map out of his pocket and holds in front of Hound. "It's about fifteen klicks, north east of here."

"I should be able to pick up an energy reading if he was there for any amount of time," Hound states after quickly scanning the map. "If he's still injured, it will make it even easier to find him."

"Good!" Will heartily exclaims. "I'm tired of getting reports of some crazy metal thing jumping out of the sand, killing people and causing massive amounts of damage and then disappearing before we can get there."

"We'll find him and deal with him, Captain," Hound assures him. "And don't worry about the Twins. I'm sure they'll be able to tell the difference between you and your men in no time at all."

With that last cheerful statement, Hound drives out the door and into the night. Will just shakes his head and turns back around. Bobby is just closing the lid on the crate with the empty Energon cubes and getting ready to move out all while softly humming the "Twilight Zone" theme again.

"You know," Will starts. "Someone has to make sure that our new friends have everything they need. Someone they will be comfortable around."

Bobby goes perfectly still and silent. He knows where this is heading and all he can do is pray that his commanding officer means someone else. Any one else.

"Since they are new to this planet and haven't had a chance to get to know everyone in the unit, it only makes sense it should be someone they can recognize right off the bat," Will continues in a reasonable tone of voice while he sedately strolls across the building.

Bobby closes his eyes and hangs his head. Maybe he can transfer to a different unit. One that defuses bombs...with their teeth.

"Imagine the pride of helping out our new comrades in arms," Will states happily as he slaps a hand down on Bobby's shoulder. "Seeing to their comforts and needs...it defies words."

"This is because of the humming, isn't it?" Bobby finally asks.

"What! No!" Will assures him with a grin that is much too large to be innocent. "I'm just looking out for our new Autobot friends. Besides, as I'm commanding officer of this little party, I have to delegate out responsibilities and this one is yours. I'll expect daily reports."

"Yes, sir," Bobby grumbles.

"Good man," Will says as he gives Bobby a couple hearty pats on the back.

Will swaggers out the door, whistling a jaunty tune and Bobby has the urge to start beating his head against a wall. With a defeated sigh, Bobby pushes the cart out into the night and starts wondering if he'll be eligible for hazard pay.

* * *

"You missed a spot," he growls and Bobby grits his teeth.

"Where?" Bobby asks, holding onto his patience by a tenuous thread.

"Just behind the front left wheel well," the bot states.

Bobby still hasn't figured if it's Sunsteaker or Sideswipe he's working on, but he really doesn't care either. It's hotter than the blazes in the building that the bots are using and there's no air conditioning. It doesn't help that he spent more hours than he cares to think about vacuuming as much sand off the bots as possible and wiping down the Twins' alt modes. With a sigh, he wipes the sweat out of his eyes and continues rubbing the cloth over whatever Twin is in front of him.

"Aren't you almost done?" demands the other Twin. "I've got dust caked in places that only Primus knows how it got there."

"Sargent, perhaps you should take a break," Hound quietly suggests.

"But he's not done wiping the dirt off of me," the first Twin whines.

"Do you have a...what do the humans call it? Oh, yes...a hot date later, Sunstreaker?" Hound mildly asks. "Sargent Epps has been very kind to try and see to our comforts, but he won't be any good to us or his military if he goes off line from heat exhaustion."

"But he hasn't gotten to me yet," Sideswipe complains in much the same tone as his brother.

"And he's not going to either," Hound retorts with a bit more force. "Sargent, the midday meal is being served in the feeding building. You should go."

Exhausted, Bobby just nods, tosses his cleaning cloth over with the other dirty rags and staggers out into the heat of the day. He didn't think it was possible, but the building with the Autobots is actually hotter inside than outside. With a sigh of relief, he stumbles off to the mess hall and hopes that the AC hasn't cut out again.

Eternally grateful that they finally moved the mess hall out of the tent they had been using to an actual building with air conditioning, Bobby barely manages to get the door open. With a sigh of relief, he stands just inside the door, letting the cold air cool him down. He's so exhausted he's not even aware of anything going on around him.

When someone grabs his arm and starts dragging him somewhere, he doesn't care if it's Megatron himself, as long as he doesn't have to go outside again. A moment later he's pushed down and with all the grace of a wet sandbag, he lands in a chair. His poor brain barely registers that someone's shoved something into his hand as he just sits there.

"Drink," a voice orders.

Bobby stares at his hands for a minute and he finally realizes that a cup has been put there. He tries to bring the cup to his lips, but his hands are shaking so hard he ends up spilling some of the drink onto himself. Another hand steadies his and he finally gets to start drinking the water that's been given to him.

"What's the mater with Sargent Epps?" another voice asks.

"Not sure. I think he's been in the sun too long," the first voice answers. "Go get the captain."

Bobby barely registers what's being said around him as he tries to get more water into him only to find his cup empty. He stares down into the empty vessel until it's pulled out of his hands and another takes its place. He doesn't complain and gladly gulps down the next cup.

"What's going on?" Will demands several minutes and cups of water later.

"I'm not sure, sir," the voice that gave Bobby the first drink answers. "I haven't seen Sargent Epps since breakfast and then he came in here a little while ago looking like he was about to drop. I got him in a chair and then started giving him water."

"Damn," Will mutters as he goes and stands in front of Bobby. "Epps, what happened?"

"Just following your orders, sir," Bobby replies and he'd glare up at his commanding officer if he could focus that well.

"Damn," Will repeats under his breath and then grabs a chair to sit in front of Bobby. "Tell me what happened."

"Went to check on our new special friends just after breakfast," Bobby tells him just before taking a sip from his freshly filled cup. "Knew they couldn't be washed, but figured I could vacuum most the sand up and maybe wipe off some of the dirt and dust."

"You've been doing that since breakfast?" Will asks in disbelief. "On all three of them?"

"The Twins more than Hound, but yea," Bobby answers, feeling a bit more human. "Burnt out the engine on two vacuum cleaners too. Got a couple loads of dirty rags that are going to need to be washed as well. The Twins are a bit...particular...on how clean they like to be."

"They're clean now though?" Will questions.

"No, sir," Bobby replies. "I got Sunny most of the way, but Sides was still complaining about the dirt. Hound didn't seem to mind though."

"Somehow, I'm not too surprised," Will sighs as he leans back in his seat. "I need to go and talk to Hound to find out if he was able to pick up a trail."

"I'll go with you," Bobby states as he starts to try and stand, even though his legs aren't quite up to the task.

"No you won't," Will growls as he comes to his feet and puts a hand on Bobby's shoulder, keeping the Sargent from getting up.. "You'll stay here and eat some lunch and get more fluids in you. And that's an order."

"You sure about that?" Bobby asks with a bit of a smirk. "You're last order didn't exactly do me a world of good."

"Smart ass," Will mumbles.

"Better than being a dumb ass," Bobby retorts with a grin.

"Just stay here and get some food in you," Will huffs before turning to go.

A short time later, Will is marching across the compound, determined to make it clear to a couple of bots that by the time they get back to Optimus, they _will_ learn to deal with some dirt on their armor.


	24. Baby, It's Cold Outside

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry for the delay. Life hasn't been kind this past six months, but things are looking up. As such, I'm back to writing and hopefully entertaining my faithful readers. Thank you to everyone who reviewed.

* * *

He looks up from the book he's reading as his superior officer walks into their shared room having a less than pleased look on his face. It takes a great deal of will power not to start snickering at that visage. When the officer walks up to a wall and starts banging his head against it, he has to bite his lips to keep from laughing.

"So, how'd it go?" he asks several minutes later, when he's sure he won't start chuckling.

"I would have an easier time convincing this wall to become a window then convincing those two that a little sand and dirt won't kill them," Will grumbles, his forehead now resting against said wall.

"They do seem to be a bit...particular...about their cleanliness," Bobby responds, still fighting the grin that wants to break out.

"My mom used to have a cat that was constantly washing itself. About drove me nuts with its constant licking," Will huffs as he finally turns and leans his back against the wall. "That damn cat had nothing on those two. What the hell am I going to do with them?"

"I think that's Hound's problem," Bobby points out. "We don't have to keep them clean."

"I know, but they're helping us track down and hopefully get rid of a certain hunk of junk," Will shoots back.

"Considering that hunk of junk is from their home, kind of the least they can do," Bobby counters.

"Good point," Will replies and then lets out a sigh. "Hound was only able to find a faint energy reading that was obviously Transformer in origin. He's not sure how long it's going to take him to track down Scorponok."

"That's what Hound told me while I was vacuuming him out," Bobby states. "Guess it was too much to hope that he'd have found that monster right off the bat."

"It would have been nice," Will says as he pushes himself off of the wall and then plops down on his bed. "Getting this mission over with would have been great. I would love to be home with Sarah and go through this pregnancy with her, instead of just hearing about it in letters and video calls."

"You go back too soon and you're going to have to get around with only one car," Bobby points out.

"Poor Hide," Will moans. "I wouldn't wish Alex on my worst enemy and here I've lent my friend to her. I'm going to be washing and waxing him until I'm old and gray to make this up to him. That's if I don't get that way from the Twins."

"Could be worse," Bobby states.

"How?" Will demands.

"We could have the Twins but no Hound to try and keep them in line," Bobby answers, his grin finally escaping.

"Thank you little Miss Mary Sunshine," Will growls as he gets up and stalks out of the room, grumbling all the way.

Bobby just chuckles to himself as he goes back to reading his book.

* * *

For the past three mornings he's refused to except the extra ration of Energon from her. It hasn't been all that cold for him, even if her teeth were chattering last night when she fed him. Since the heat his body produces has been keeping the small shed fairly warm, he doesn't feel he's needed the extra Energon.

However, last night the temperatures dropped low enough that now he's sitting in this Pit blasted shed hoping she'll hurry up and bring him that extra cube. His sensors aren't good enough to tell what she's doing, just that she's still in the cabin and not moving around. He can also tell that all of the cubes are still being stored in the wood shed behind the cabin, so she hasn't gotten him a cube yet.

Ok, it's still dark out and he hasn't noticed an increased use of electricity indicating that she's awake, but he doesn't care. He wants his Energon and he wants it _now_! He wonders if he can _accidentally_ break the doors down to the shed so he can get it himself.

_'Hound to Ironhide,' _a familiar voice breaks into the mech's musings.

_'Ironhide here,'_ Hide replies. _'How goes the battle?'_

_'We haven't found Scorponok, so there hasn't been a battle yet,'_ Hound points out.

_'I was talking about the pair of Pit spawns you're stuck with,'_ Hide chuckles.

_'Oh, sorry,'_ Hound mutters before continuing with false cheerfulness. _ 'It's going fine.'_

_'Hound, you're the finest tracker I know,'_ Hide states. _'However, you're also the worse liar. Now spill. What have those two been up to?'_

_'You mean besides constantly complaining about how dirty they are?'_ Hound grumbles. _'A little dirt and sand and you'd think the universe was coming to an end.'_

_'But that's not all they've been doing, is it?' _Hide presses.

_'Unfortunately, no,'_ Hound mumbles. _ 'They've taken to pulling pranks on the humans while I'm in recharge or while I'm looking for Scorponok.'_

_'Such as?'_ Hide presses.

_'They found where the humans store the spare tires the other night and used them to barricade the barracks in, making it impossible for anyone to get in or out the building for a couple hours,'_ Hound huffs. _ 'They've also taken to rearranging the vehicles in the motor pool.'_

_'What's so bad about that?'_ Hide questions.

_'They're stacking them on top of each other,'_ Hound responds unhappily and Hide can't help but chuckle.

_'Sounds like they haven't changed a bit,'_ Hide muses. _'Primus, but I don't envy you.'_

_'How does Optimus do it?'_ Hound wonders. _'He makes it look so easy.'_

_'That's because he's a Prime and we're not,' _Hide points out.

_'That must be it,'_ Hound agrees.

_'So, what are they doing now?' _Hide inquires.

_'Cleaning,'_ Hound happily tells him.

_'Dare I ask?'_ Hide asks with amusement.

_'Sunny got bored of the unadorned walls in the building we've been assigned,'_ Hound replies, still sounding cheerful._ 'I came back from scouting to find that he had painted all of the walls and the ceiling.'_

_'So?' _Hide questions. _ 'Sunny's paintings used to catch a very good price back home.'_

_'It seems one needs permission to add permanent decorations to the buildings, inside or out,' _Hound explains cheerily. _'Captain Lennox and Sargent Epps were none too pleased when they came in and saw what Sunny had done, so the two of them are now scraping the paint off.'_

_'How are Lennox and Epps doing?'_ Hide inquires after he stops laughing. _'How are they handling the Twins?'_

_'I don't have a lot of experience with humans, but I think they're handling the situation rather well,'_ Hound answers. _ 'At least I hope they are. The captain tends to sigh a lot just before he explains what the Twins did wrong this time.'_

_'I don't blame him,'_ Hide snorts.

_'I can tell he's frustrated and it's not just with the Twins I'm afraid,' _Hound sadly states.

_'What's wrong?'_ Hide asks.

_'I haven't been able to find Skorponok,'_ Hound admits._ 'We've been here for more than three weeks now and I can't find the miserable slag heap. I've disappointed the captain, I'm afraid.'_

_'Why haven't you been able to find him?' _Hide questions.

_'He may have moved out of the area or he's hiding where I can't sense him,' _Hound states._ 'I've checked all of the places that he's attacked, but the traces are too faint and when he leaves, he heads straight down. There's metal bearing rocks under the sand and I have a feeling he's hiding there. All that metal is throwing off my sensors.' _

_'Have you told Lennox this?'_ Hide inquires.

_'I have and he just says to keep trying,' _Hound responds.

_'Sounds like you need to draw the fragger out of hiding,' _Hide suggests.

_'I'm open to suggestions,'_ Hound eagerly replies.

_'Let me think about it for a bit,'_ Hide says. _ 'Jazz was much better at planning than me. Maybe Optimus can come up with something. I'll ask him.'_

_'Thank you,'_ Hound says with relief in his voice. _'So, how are things on your end?'_

Hide can't help but growl and Hound barely manages not to laugh.

_'Lennox owes me big time for this,'_ Hide snarls. _'Who knew that the Pit could spawn humans as well as Cybertronians.'_

_'She can't be that bad,'_ Hound states, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice.

_'Don't take bets on that one,'_ Hide hisses

Hide spends the next hour or so venting all of his frustrations out on Hound who gladly listens to his friend's tirade.

_'Truth be told,' _Hound states after Hide finally winds down. _'I'd gladly change places with you.'_

_'Have your circuits shorted out?' _Hide demands.

_'You know me, Hide,'_ Hound gleefully states. _'I love the dirt and the creepy crawly things. Organic things fascinate me. There isn't that much out here in the desert, but in the forest, there's organic life everywhere.'_

_'None of which you would get to see or explore because you'd be locked in this Pit blasted shed,'_ Hide reminds him with a growl. _'At least you'd fit better than me.'_

_'If I was there I wouldn't be a disappointment to Optimus and the humans,' _Hound softly admits.

_'Hey, it's not your fault the slaggard is hiding,'_ Hide assures him._ 'Besides, you just have to out wait him. Sooner or later he'll pop up.'_

_'The only question is if my sanity will hold out until he does,' _Hound jokes. _ 'The Twins seem __determined to short my circuits.'_

_'You have me on that one,' _Hide chuckles.

At that moment, Hide hears the chain that runs through the handles of the door move. A quick scan shows that she's just outside with a cube of Energon sitting on the ground next to her feet.

_'Speaking if Pit spawns, mine has finally shown up with my Energon,' _Hide growls.

_'May I see her?'_ Hound asks eagerly.

_'Sure, why not,'_ Hide grumbles as he transmits the video and audio of the inside of the shed.

A few seconds later the door finally opens and she slips in with a blast of cold air, the cube tucked under her arm. She's bundled up and her cheeks are bright pink from the cold. With eyes barely open, she shuts the door behind her.

"Ok, you overgrown go-cart, you better open up this time," she snarls as she shuffles along his driver's side. "I did not just freeze my butt off to feed just so you could not take your stupid Energizer juice."

_'She's a tiny little thing, isn't she?' _Hound observes, doing his darnedest not laugh at the go-cart comment.

_'Small, but extremely annoying,' _Hide huffs.

She scoots between Hide and the wall, teeth chattering all the way. With a shivering hand, she gets his compartment door open without a fight from him. She quickly shoves the cube in and shuts the door.

"Good boy," she mutters as she leans against him. "Goddess, it's so warm out here. Maybe I should start sleeping out here."

_'Primus, no,'_ Hide groans.

"You're always so warm when you should be cold as ice," she murmurs as she presses her cheek against his armor. "I just about froze body parts off getting out of bed this morning just so I could come out and feed you. Not that you care. What do you think, beast? Should I put you in my paper? Things I did today: Get up, shower, dress, eat, feed the truck. If that doesn't get me a spot in a room with padded walls, I'm not sure what will."

_'She's funny,'_ Hound chuckles.

_'Fragging hilarious,'_ Hide grumbles.

_'Does she always talk to you?'_ Hound asks.

_'Almost constantly,'_ Hide mutters unhappily. _'It might not be so bad if I could tell her to shut the frag up, but no. Optimus told me not to reveal myself, so now I'm stuck here.'_

_'I can understand the frustration, but what an opportunity to observe a human unhindered by her __knowing what you are,'_ Hound states.

_'Trust me, if I could change places with you, I'd do it in a spark beat,' _Hide replies grouchily.

_'And I'd gladly do it, too,'_ Hound responds.

Hide spits out the empty cube before any more can be said. With a tired sigh, she pushes away from him as far as she can. Stooping to pick up the cube, she closes the small door and pats his side.

"Good, beast," she mumbles as she heads for the door. "See ya tonight."

Without so much as a backwards glance, she slips out the door. A moment later, he hears her relock the doors.

_'If I survive this with my sanity in tact, it will be a miracle,'_ Hide growls.

_'I understand completely,'_ Hound agrees.

They talk a while more about those comrades lost to the war and those that may still be out there. Finally, Hound announces that it's time for him to go out scouting again. They sign off and Hide is left once more to his own silent musings.

* * *

She carefully parks him back in the shed, ever mindful of his side mirrors, his smoke stacks and the edges of the doorway. He hates being nothing more than her glorified garbage truck, but at least it gets him out of the shed, even if it is only for a little while. Once he's back in place, she turns off the engine and slides out. Discontentedly, he watches her go, knowing it'll be another week before she takes him out again.

At least he can look forward to his morning conversations with Hound as the tracker is still having problems locating Scorponok. It's been a couple weeks since Hound first called him, and he hates to admit it, but he's kind of glad Scorponok is being a slag head about being found. He wonders why Hound keeps calling since Hide hasn't been much help with coming up with ideas just as a sigh drags his attention back to his personal tormentor.

She's standing outside looking up at the sky, the doors to the shed still wide open. He scans the local airways, but other than the occasional airplane, there's nothing up there worth noting. Granted, there's a heavy cloud cover making visibility difficult for those planes, but it doesn't explain why she's staring at the sky.

He continues to watch her and after several minutes he finally notices strange small white dots floating down to the ground. He's confused for a few moments and then in a near panic he checks the world wide web for weather forecasts. Holy Primus, it's snowing and the forecast is for at least a foot of snow in lower elevations.

It's been raining on and off for the past month and even though he now has some mud plastered to his sides, it hasn't been too bad. He can handle muddy roads, but he's never been a fan of ice. It's not the cold that has him worried, but not being able to keep his traction.

How will he be able to keep his true identity a secret from her if he has to take control when they start sliding down the mountain? He knows she's not a bad driver, but even the best drivers can be taken by surprise by black ice. While he wonders if she's brought chains and if she knows how to put them on him, she heads back into the shed.

"Ok, beast, I guess that's it for the garbage runs," she tells him as she opens the driver's door and starts looking around for something. "If this snow sticks around after a week, I'll have go to the garbage bin by foot. Won't that be fun?"

_What are you after, Pit spawn?_ he silently asks her.

"Ah-ha!" she exclaims a second later.

She grabs a leaver and pulls it which causes his hood to pop up.

_What do you think you're doing?_ he demands, though he utters not a sound.

She scrambles up onto his front bumper and quickly finds the latch to release his hood. She pushes the hood up and lets out a whistle when she gets a look at what's under it.

"Holy cow, this looks like it should be on the space shuttle," she states in wonder.

_As if that scrap of metal is anywhere as advanced as me,_ he scoffs. _I'm amazed the first one didn't disintegrate the first time it was used._

"So where is your battery in all of this mess?" she softly wonders as she braces the hood up with the rod and leans over his 'engine'.

_My what?_ he nearly shrieks.

He quickly looks up what she's after while she continues to look around under his hood. While he tries to fathom why she'd want to remove his 'battery', she climbs down off of his bumper and scrambles up into his cab. She opens the glove box and finds it empty.

"Where the hell is your owner's manual?" she demands with a huff.

He's never been so glad that he doesn't have one now that he understands that she wants to take out a part of his anatomy to keep it from freezing and cracking. She climbs into the back of his cab and starts looking around back there, specifically under the front seats. He watches her growing frustration with mild amusement.

"Damn," she mutters as she plops herself down on the back bench. "If your battery explodes, I'll have to hike out of here come spring."

_You had better not be thinking of abandoning me it this Pit blasted shed,_ he snarls to himself.

"Will will have my butt if I leave you out here," she continues. "Not that I'm all fond of the idea of hiking all the way back to civilization."

_Then let's go back now and save us both the trouble,_ he silently suggests.

"Ok, let's just hope that Energizer juice I've been giving you will keep you from falling apart," she sighs as she climbs back into his front seat. "Goddess knows you produce enough heat to keep the shed warm. I wonder if Doc Hatchet makes house calls."

With that thought, she gets out of his cab, shuts his hood and heads back out. He watches her as she swings the doors shut and a moment latter the chain is rattling through the handles of the doors. He sinks down on his struts trying not to think what would happen if Ratchet has to come out here to rescue them. He's sure it wouldn't be pleasant.


	25. TWAAAAANG!

**Author's notes:** My most sincere apologies to my dear, dear readers for waiting for so long. I'm so sorry for the long wait. My life has taken a sudden turn and life has been rather difficult for me. If you want to know the details, you can read it on my author's page. For now, though, here is the latest in the tormenting of our dear Ironhide. Please enjoy and review when you're done reading.

* * *

"Ok, this just doesn't make any sense," she grumbles.

_Tell me about it,_ he silently grouses back. _You're talking to me even though you know I'm not going to answer you._

He continues to watch his own personal little Pit spawn as she sits on his fender. His hood is open again, she's staring down into his 'engine' compartment and this time she has a flashlight in her hand. Behind her on the workbench is a bottle of antifreeze and he barely manages not to laugh at the absurdity of putting that chemical into his non-existent radiator.

"You don't have a battery and it appears you don't seem to have a radiator either," she rants. "How the hell do you even work!"

_If I told you, would you shut up? _he quietly asks, knowing full well he's not allowed to so much as let out a beep.

"You're seriously making me think I should have listened to Tommy and his crazy theories before I left," she continues and then does a slight shudder. "Goddess, you're so lucky you don't have to listen to him when he gets off on a tear."

_Instead I'm stuck out here listening to __**you**__, _he huffs to himself. _You've given me my Energon, now please go away. I prefer to wallow in my misery in silence._

With a frustrated sigh, she turns off the flashlight, closes his hood and climbs down off of him. He cautiously watches her as she bundles back up, collects the empty Energon cube and heads back out. He expects her to leave, locking the doors behind her as she normally does. But when she just stands there staring at the chain through the door handle, he worries that she's about to do something crazy.

_Now what are you up to?_ he quietly growls at her.

"There's really no reason to keep locking the shed doors," she states as she picks the padlock up in her hand. "No one in their right mind is going to be coming up here now."

_Which says what about you since we're still out here?_ he grumbles.

"I nearly dropped the keys in the snow trying to open this stupid thing," she continues, completely oblivious to his internal ramblings. "But if I don't lock it shut, then the wind could blow the doors open and then snow would get in."

She stares at the lock for a bit longer and then turns towards him. Her gaze roves over the contents of the shed as if she's looking for something. He watches her, knowing she's about to do something completely insane and not liking it one bit.

After a minute of just looking, she releases the lock and heads back into the shed. She easily climbs up his back bumper and into his bed. He wonders what she could be up to and he doesn't have to wait long to find out.

She goes towards the work bench where she's moved a lot of the owner's items and starts digging through the boxes. He muses about what could possibly be in there that she could use and a moment later she's pulling out a length of rope. She stares at what she's found with a frown on her face.

"Hmmmm...," she hums to herself for a moment and then drops the rope in his bed.

She immediately goes back to the box she had been rooting through and digs around some more. After a couple of minutes rummaging around in that box, she moves it to the side and starts going through another container. For some time she goes through box after box.

He silently watches her, slightly worried that she'll do something stupid. It's bad enough being stuck in this cramped shed, but if she makes it so snow can be blown in, he's not going to be a happy bot. Thoughts of going AWOL should she leave the doors open start to sound really appealing.

"AHA!" she crows with triumph as she holds up her find.

_Oh, no,_ he silently growls. _You wouldn't __**dare**__. _

* * *

He unfolds the portion of the map that he needs and makes another small red 'X' over the latest town to be hit. Even with the help of Hound and the Twins, they didn't get there in time. Another attack and another twenty-two people dead by that monster.

The people. He doesn't want to think about them, but he can't help it. That little girl. She couldn't have been any older than his own daughter...and now she never will get any older.

With a frustrated yell, he throws the map across the room, hitting the wall. As if to taunt him, it unfolds itself and lands in a heap on the floor. He ignores it as he plops down in his chair and drops his face in his hands.

He wallows in his misery, knowing he won't be disturbed in his hole in the wall office. They came back just before sunrise and he sent his men off to get some food in them and then rest. Hound and the Twins are still out there trying to find that miserable hunk of junk.

He's not sure how long he sits there, unable to get the image of that little girl out of his head. It's not until his cell phone beeps, letting him know he's received a message that he finally moves. Ignoring the pain in his back, shoulders and neck from staying in the same position for so long, he fishes his phone out of his pocket.

_We're back._

He doesn't have to check who the sender is. Hound has sent him this message far too many times for him to not recognize what it really means. Skorponok got away. Again.

With a disheartened sigh and a groan, he stands up and stretches. He hears several vertebra pop back into place and then rolls his shoulders a couple of times. Once he's fairly sure he can walk without looking like an old man, he goes over to pick the map up off of the floor.

He shakes it out, completely unfolding the map in the process. The number of times he's folded and unfolded this thing and it amazes him that it hasn't disintegrated yet. As he gets ready to fold it back up, he notices all of the little red 'X's he's made over the past several months and he nearly stops breathing.

"No way," he mutters to himself. "No _freaking_ way."

He carefully spreads the large paper out on his desk and turns on the desk light to make sure he's seeing this properly. The traces his finger from one 'X' to the next, not believing what he's seeing. Once he's sure he's not being delusional, he grabs up the map, not even bothering to fold it, and goes running out of his office.

* * *

_TWAAAAANG!_

A low chuckle follows that annoying sound.

_TWAAAAANG!_

Another snicker and he's trying to ignore it as best he can.

"Oh, stop tormenting him," a young female voice admonishes.

"She's locked him in with a glorified rubber band," he snickers as he reaches out with one finger to pluck at the bungee cord once more.

She sighs, shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"Males," she mutters as she goes over and undoes one of the hooks to the bungee cord before opening the shed doors.

"Move," a voice snarls from inside.

Mikaela and Ratchet stand back as a large black truck all but flies out of the shed, throwing snow and frozen mud as he goes, and then quickly transforms into a very displeased bot.

"The only reason I'm not drop kicking your sorry aft from here to Cybertron is because you brought me more Energon," Ironhide growls at Ratchet.

"It's nice to see you too," Ratchet snickers. "Though you're lucky I came when I did. Because of that scrap headed stunt you pulled the night before you left, I had to step up my production. Between making Energon for you, Hound, the Twins and the special project Lenox asked for, I've barely had time to work on Jazz. The humans are starting to make things difficult for Sam and Mikaela because they want him."

"They can't have him," Ironhide snaps as his cannons pop out of his arms and start to charge.

"We may have no choice if I can't fix him and soon," Ratchet shoots back.

"What's taking so long?" Ironhide demands.

"Energon," Ratchet reminds him in a less than amused voice. "You. Hound. Twins. Ring a bell?"

"Ring a what!" Ironhide asks in an irritated voice.

"Uh, guys?" Mikaela quietly calls through her chattering teeth from her spot next to the shed. "Hate to break this up, but it's the middle of the night, I'm tired and cold and if we don't hurry up, Alex is going to wake up to find the truck she borrowed _walking_ around."

"You're right," Ratchet concedes as he starts to open compartments on his body. "Let's get this taken care of."

"Don't rush on my account," Ironhide mutters while he stores his cannons and then rolls his shoulders to get the kinks out.

"We're not," Ratchet softly assures him grouchily as he and Mikaela move around to the back of the cabin. "We're rushing so we don't chance waking up Alex."

Ironhide mumbles something about miserable Pit spawns as he wanders off, trying to loosen up stiff joints after being forced idle for so long. He walks around, barely noticing the thin layer of snow on the ground. It doesn't even occur to him that he's leaving rather suspicious footprints on the ground as he enjoys his respite from his prison, even though he knows it'll be short lived.

After few minutes, Ratchet and Mikaela come back around the front of the cabin. Ironhide pretends he doesn't notice them as he continues to work the kinks out of his system. However, it's hard to ignore the cubes of Energon that Ratchet and Mikaela have just stored in the woodshed.

"Where are the empty cubes?" Ratchet demands.

"How should I know?" Ironhide grumbles back as he folds his arm cannons in and out of their holders, making sure that the forced idleness hasn't caused them to freeze up.

"Well, they're not in the woodshed," Ratchet growls back. "Didn't Lenox tell her not to throw them away?"

"Yeah, he did," Ironhide retorts. "I just don't know what she did with the empty cubes after she fed me my Energon. It's not like I can detect where they are once they're empty."

Ratchet grumbles something about ill begotten glitches and starts to scan the surrounding area. He finds the missing containers in short order, but is confounded about how she got them there.

"They're under the building," Ratchet huffs. "How did she get them in there? I don't see a door."

"How should I know?" Ironhide grumbles as he continues to walk around. "Not like I need to know."

Ratchet mutters something about useless slag heaps as he gets down on his hands and knees to examine the base of the cabin. He would love to turn on his spotlight, but he doesn't dare.

He's been keeping track of Alex's sleep and notes the curtains aren't blackout. So the spotlight stays off and he depends on his sensors to try and find a way in. However, if they don't hurry up, Alex is going to be in for quite the shock.

"Hey," Mikaela softly calls from the porch. "I think I found something."

"What?" Ratchet quietly replies as he moves around the building towards her.

"It looks like there's a trap door here," she tells him, pointing at the porch. "I can't see it very well, but it looks like there's a door in the floor."

Using his finely honed sensors, he keeps track of Alex and takes the chance of turning on his spotlight.

"Hey!" she hisses while she quickly shields her eyes from the bright light. "A little warning next time."

"Sorry," he mumbles. "Are you able to tell if you can get in that way?"

"Yeah, I think so," she answers.

She carefully examines what appears to be a cleverly disguised door right into the deck. It looks like the rest of the porch except that there are obvious cut marks at the top and the bottom. However, there is no handle, just a knot of rope nestled in a hole that's only a bit larger in a plank on the right hand side.

She takes a glove off and carefully pries the rope knot out of the hole that it's burrowed in. Once she has a grip on it, she slowly pulls it out only for it to stop about six inches out. Getting a better hold of it and bracing herself, she applies more muscle and the section of floor starts to move. With only a slight creak, the door swings up and to the left easily.

"It's pretty dark in there," she whispers, looking worriedly down into the dark hole in front of her.

"Neither Ironhide nor I are going to be able to fit in there," he points out. "Don't worry about arachnids. It's much too cold for them and the rodents are more frightened of you than you are of them."

"Thanks, that's real comforting," she replies, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Do please hurry," he quietly urges. "I'm not sure how much longer Alex is going to stay asleep."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," she grumbles as she carefully makes sure the trap door isn't going to bang onto the porch or drop on her. "You wouldn't have a flashlight on you, would you?"

"No, I'm afraid not," he softly replies.

Trying desperately not to think of any rodents that may be down there, she carefully makes her way down the dark stairs. He tries to reposition himself so that his spotlight shines down the hole in order to help her see better. Due to the cover over the porch, the help is minimal, but it's better than nothing.

She finally makes it down to the bottom of the steps, amazed that she didn't fall and break her neck. She looks around, letting her eyes adjust to the near darkness and trying not to sneeze from all of the dust or hit her head on the low ceiling. After about a minute, her eyes have adjusted enough that she can just make out what appears to be a bunch of clear sided cubes off to the side.

She carefully makes her way over to them and picks the first one up. It's the empty cubes all right and there are dozens of them just thrown into a haphazard pile. She picks up as many as she can and takes them back to the foot of the stairs.

Not wanting to chance slipping and falling on the steps, she puts her haul down and tries throwing one of them out. Amazingly, she gets it out on the first try. She then has to suppress her laugh when Ratchet makes a startled sound as the harmless missile goes zinging past him.

Glad that it appears she won't have to go traipsing up and down those stairs, she starts chucking the empty cubes out. Once the pile at her feet are gone, she goes back to get more. She silently wishes she had a large bag or something to carry them. While they aren't heavy, they are bulky and she can only carry a few at a time.

For the most part, she's getting them out of the basement with only a few misses and she's glad to have an activity to keep her warm. It doesn't take that long to get the large pile whittled down to a scattered few. She goes to collect the cubes she can easily spot and as she picks up one from a rather dark corner, she barely muffles her scream.

"What!" Ratchet demands, barely managing to keep his voice down. "What's the matter!"

"Something just ran up my arm and down my back," she grinds out between her teeth.

"You must have disturbed something," he quietly states. "I'm sure it's long gone by now. Please hurry."

She mutters under her breath about over grown trash compactors with delusions of grandeur and kicks the cube at her feet over to the stairs. She grabs a couple more of the nearly transparent containers and gets ready to throw them out to Ratchet. Just as she lets one loose, the lights go out and the trap door is quickly, but quietly, shut.

Before she can ask what's going on, she hears the floor boards above creak as if someone is walking across them. She quickly hides under the stairs, hoping that there's nothing in the creepy or crawly department living under there. There's the sound of a quickly transforming robot and she's pretty sure Ironhide is getting back in the shed.

She huddles in the dark hoping a praying that they're not discovered and that nothing else decides that it needs to run over any part of her body. The creaking of the floor boards continues for only a little while and then there's the sound of a stream of water being poured into another body of water. She blushes furiously and hopes the woman doesn't have a huge bladder.

What seems like an eternity later, the waterworks finally stop. She mentally urges the woman in the cabin to please just go back to bed and kindly hurry up about it. As if she can hear the teenager's mental plea, she turns on a faucet.

Mikaela softly groans as the running water reminds her she hasn't seen a bathroom in a while. The water turns off a few moments later and she gives a sigh of relief. However, the respite is short lived as the water turns on again not half a minute later.

_She's washing hands? In the middle of the night? What is she planning on making herself a sandwich or something?_ Mikaela wildly thinks to herself. _Go back to bed already!_

The running water seems to go on forever. She desperately tries not to think about her bladder, but instead on the muscles that are starting to protest about being crouched down behind the stairs. That discomfort is quickly superseded by realizing that she's starting to shiver.

She had started to overheat while she was getting the cubes out and had opened up her jacket. She quickly zips it back up and puts her gloves back on. However, it only helps a little as the sweat she wasn't even aware that she had produced quickly starts cooling down and her teeth start chattering.

At long last, the water stops and the sound of creaking boards starts up again. Fortunately, the overhead footsteps continue only for a short time and then there's the sound of a bed squeaking as Alex lays down again. With a sigh of relief, Mikaela carefully comes out of her hiding spot.

However, she's not sure what she should do now. It's pitch black in this small storage area and she doesn't know how far Ratchet went or when he'll be back. Plus, she's not too wild about the idea of being down there with who knows what type of creepy crawly things.

She's standing there, hoping that nothing crawling critter variety falls off of the ceiling and lands on her head, when her phone vibrates and lets out a little jingle letting her know that she's received a text message. She quickly gets a glove off and fumbles around in her pocket to get the little device out. She barely manages to not drop it on the ground as she checks the message.

_Get out. - Ratchet_

She doesn't need any further instructions as she goes around to the foot of the stairs. She startles herself as she accidentally kicks one of the empty cubes. She briefly wonders if she should try bring more up, but decides that even though they got most of the cubes, there are still too many for her to carry out at once.

She crawls up the steps, being mindful of where the trap door is. Once she's got to a spot where she can't go any further up, she carefully starts to push on the heavy door. It resists her at first and then starts to move.

She follows it up and sees Ratchet moving towards her as she gets to the top. In that inattentive moment, the door gets away from her and slams down onto the porch. She freezes in fright.

A second later she's grabbed by a giant robotic hand as another reaches over and flips the trap door closed, making another loud 'BANG!'. She flinches at the sound just as he starts to run away. A few moments later, they're hiding behind the shed just as the flood lamps come on, lighting up the area in front of the cabin.

In few moments, they hear the front door open and someone come out onto the porch. Ratchet crouches down even further, holding Mikaela closer to his chest. She's nearly in tears as she keeps quiet, not daring to tell the large robot that the side of his hand is pushing into her bladder.

"What the hell...?" they hear a woman's sleep groggy voice say from the other side of the shed. "What happened out here?"

Mikaela forgets about her pressing need for a moment and takes a look at the ground that's been lit up. The once fairly smooth ground is all churned up in a mixture of snow and frozen mud. She can practically feel Ratchet's chagrin as he realizes that he and Ironhide are responsible for the blatant evidence that someone's been here. Someone very large

"Moose," the voice states. "Rutting moose. Monster big rutting moose. Monster big rutting moose who didn't make any sounds except a couple of bangs that shook the house. Ok, so I haven't seen any moose around here, but that's the only thing I'm coming up with beside monster robots. Better go check on the beast."

Mikaela nearly stops breathing when she realizes Alex is heading down the stairs which she's headed towards them. If they move, she'll spot them. However, if they don't move, she'll spot them anyways when she comes to check on Ironhide. In a near panic, she looks up at Ratchet who's worriedly looking back at her.

"Ok, stupid," the voice suddenly continues in a grumble. "Shoes before traipsing through the snow and muck."

She gives out a silent sigh of relief as the footsteps can be heard going back inside. Suddenly, she finds Ratchet moving towards the front of the shed. She's wondering if he's gotten a glitch since there's no way Alex will miss seeing them if they take off in front of the cabin.

"Reattach the cords," Ratchet softly orders when he stops moving.

She's now in front of the shed doors, still in Ratchet's hand, staring at the bungee cord hanging down loose. She reaches out and fumbles around with the thing, nerves, her gloves and shaking hands making it near impossible. She almost drops the blasted thing and just barely manages to catch it.

"Hurry," he hisses.

"I'm trying," she softly snaps back.

She finally get the bungee cord through the handles and rehooked with a sigh of relief. Then she looks down as he starts to move away.

"Look!" she whispers, pointing at the ground.

He looks down and as clear as day are fresh tire tracks going into the shed. With a frustrated growl, he reaches out with his spare hand and obliterates the marks, but leaves more turned up snow and dirt.

"More moose?" she softly asks.

"Monster big rutting moose," he quietly answers as he heads around to the back of the shed and cabin.

They no sooner get out of sight then they can hear Alex come out of the cabin again. They silently listen as she makes her way down the steps and goes to check on Ironhide. By some small miracle, she didn't take a flashlight with her, so she never sees the fresh mud and snow dripping onto the dirt floor of the shed.

A while later, Alex returns to the cabin, turning off the outside lights. They wait a little while longer before Ratchet cautiously moves out, giving the small buildings a wide birth. It's not until they're further down the mountain do they cross back towards the dirt road that brought them up there.

He finally puts Mikaela down and transforms back into his vehicle mode. She gladly gets in and straps herself in. A second later, his engine roars to life and his headlights turn on.

"Aren't you worried that she'll spot your tracks?" she asks as she tries to get into a more comfortable position.

"Not really," he calmly replies as he carefully makes his way towards the paved road.

"Why not?" she questions, barely managing not to wince at every bump and dip in the road.

"Because it's already starting to snow," he points out and she finally notices the big white flakes drifting down. "By dawn there will be several inches on the ground and by the storm passes, she'll need to dig to get to Ironhide."

"Ok," she says as they reach paved ground and she gives a sigh of relief..

"Go ahead and sleep," he instructs. "We have several hours to go before we get home."

"Not until you find me a bathroom," she nearly growls.

"Ah, ok," he replies, gently increasing his speed in hopes of finding a restroom before the young female human accidentally lubricates while inside of him.


End file.
